Kiss And Make Up...

Not really.

I heard from Michael this morning and got an apology that he hasn't been better about being in touch.  Got a talk about how at times he might not be here and Janet won't be here and how I need to rely on my faith and rely on the Lord.  That I need to scream out at the Lord.  That was the jest of the conversation.  Oh and I told him how yesterday was horrible and he said that it was o.k. that he even has had days like that but it's what I do with it is important.  He said it is important to break that train of thought and get back to it.  Not to let one bad day derail everything that I have done,  I agree.

I can't tell you how close I came to not even taking his call.  I picked up my phone and said "I don't want to talk to you!" put it down then picked it up and answered.  I was still just a little pissed so my attitude wasn't the greatest.  I mainly just listened.

Did I get back on track today?  No.

Will I?

Read on...

My anger pity party continued.  We slept so late that we skipped breakfast and had BBQ for lunch.

I had a 2 hour conversation with my neighbor Rae about things going on in her life and what is going on with Michael and Janet.  I told her that I need to develop a new support system here locally.  Don't know how but I need to.  Wish I had more friends.  I guess I'm too much a recluse.  Rae told me about many times I called or texted her and saved her from blowing it.  She told me that she is always there for me and would support me.  I appreciate it.  Now to be able to get along.  I think I'm learning to deal with her mood swings.  I know when to retreat!

I told her that I was going to make everything on Michael's Essential list available to myself.  What I'm restricted on is cinnamon and fruit.  I'm not a big fruit eater anyway but I'm sure when my body is screaming for something sweet a selection of a few more things other than apples and blueberries would be nice.  Of course anything else will have to wait on Michael and Janet.

Tonight we decided to go to Del Pueblo for fajitas.  We have been wanting it so we figured we would end our party with going there.  What a learning experience it has been, this excursion that we have been on!

1.  Whataburger tasted like a salt lick.  It wasn't liked I remembered.  Fries were too greasy and nauseating.  Ketchup was too sweet!

2.  Salsa at Del Pueblo had a wang to it.  It use to be our favorite.  We would clear 2-3 bowls of it.  Tortilla chips were too greasy and disgusting.  I use to go for the shiny ones.  Greasier ones.  YUK!

3.  Fajitas was tasteless.  Flour tortillas were greasy and tasted like they looked...flour mixed with lard!

I had a bite of beans and they were tasteless and I didn't eat the rice.  I stopped at 2 fajitas.  We both said to each other in the car that we would not do that again.  We then talked about how having salmon, sweet potatoes and veggies was so much better!

We learned a lot!  Eating frenzy is over.  Back to good, fresh and homemade foods.  Clean eating is the only way!!!

I'm learning!

Decisions...

I felt a little better today but had a upsetting day.

I'm really stumped as to why I don't hear from Michael anymore.  I sent him this text:

"Good Morning.  Hope you have a good day. Did you know we haven't talked in a month? Just text.  Is that bad?"

Nothing.  No response, no nothing.  All day long.  How would that make you feel?

I really don't know what to think,  I know how I feel and it is not good.  This is not what I signed up for.  This man called me and offered to coach me.  For weeks I heard from him twice a week.  If I had questions I got answered.  I was told to read books and he even sent me a book and 109 days later, no calls, no response to questions. Nothing.  Well I think that will be my last text.  No more pictures of food because truthfully I don't think he looks at them or even cares.  Hope diminishes.

I didn't eat breakfast today, I ate lettuce wraps and tried to be good.  By 3:00 I was in my car at Popeye's getting chicken, fries and a biscuit.  I ate it.

I felt awful.  I didn't know what to do.  I tried to reach out to Janet.  I sent her a personal message through Facebook.  It said:

Maybe it's because I'm sick but I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I haven't talked to Michael in at least a month. A few text messages but nothing like in the beginning. Maybe I am expecting too much. I feel lost at time with what to do. Honestly I have felt many times taking the essential list and selecting from all the items. I'm 109 days into this and I'm feeling down and lost. It must be great to connect with him there and so many others that are doing it. I feel a real struggle coming on. I have been fighting through it but some days I just want to throw up my hands. Am I expecting to much?

Nothing.  No response.  I can see that she read it but no response.  As time ticked by I felt more alone, more like a failure, didn't know what to think or how to feel.  A bit pissed off yet extremely hurt.

By the time Mark called to tell me he was on his way home, he asked me if he needed to go to the store for anything.  We discussed what we needed and he asked what I wanted for dinner and I told him "Whataburger".  He chuckled and offered to cook salmon when he got home.

He took a long time at the store and called me on his way home and I told him just to stop and bring Whataburger home and he did.

It didn't stop there.  He bought some truffles and honey roasted peanuts.  We watched movies.

I don't know what is going to happen.  I just know right now I'm hitting the hay.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

What Is Wrong With Me?

I woke up during the night with those horrible chills again.  Got under a sheet, cotton blanket and 3 layers of fleece throws and socks and shook to death!  Mark let me sleep in and that was nice.

I didn't have a appetite most of the day and only felt cold a couple of times.  My temperature is running in the 96 and 97 range, below normal.  I have no aches, pains, sore throat, congestion.  Nothing.  What is wrong with me?  Why does this keep happening.

I cancelled my lunch for the 2nd time with my friend and I truly feel bad about it.  We are going to try again on Monday.  Hopefully that will work out.

I joined a group on Facebook where there is about 30 of us who are going to stitch the same pattern together.  It is called Santa of the Forest and it is a beautiful piece.  It looks like this:



Isn't it beautiful.  The designer said this about the piece which I thought was neat:

When I first did this Santa, I gave him an armful of toys. The toys and ribbons were beautiful, but sort of meaningless. When removing fur on his cape, I thought of replacing the toys with animals. The first animal I thought of was a dove of peace. Then I added a little bear, symbolizing Russia. The wolf represents countries that have violent governments and use this violence to survive. The gentle brown rabbit is caught in the middle but looking towards peace. The wise spotted owl sits near the head of man in hopes that he will find wisdom before it is too late.  Santa's staff represents history, a guide for moving forward. The fabric of his robe became the forest and trees and stars. His colorful mittens represent the children of the world, extensions of the wise person.  This design represents a gathering of nations towards world peace as well as respecting the environment. Pretty neat huh?  Anyway, I'm anxious to get going on it! I didn't feel like eating today, in fact I didn't eat anything till mid afternoon and then I had my turkey sausage, 3 eggs but only 1 yoke.  I just picked at dinner.  I wasn't feeling nauseated, just didn't feel like eating. I'm a bit discouraged right now.  Not much contact with Janet and Michael.  Not sure why but it is making me feel neglected.  I hate the feeling.  Don't know what do about the feelings.  Maybe it's because I'm not feeling well.  But the fact is I haven't had a phone conversation with Michael in over a month.  We use to talk twice a week. What to do?

Made It Today...Barely...

I managed to get up and see Anna and we had a good visit.  It is hard to believe that I'm at the point that I feel like I can go a month before I see her again.  She will always hold a dear place in my heart, she has opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself!

I dropped some CD's by Karen's house to her daughter-in-law Lluvia and we got too chatty and I missed my class at the gym.  I went home changed clothes and had Oriental Chicken Lettuce Wraps and then go way too long winded over cross-stitch with my friend Penny.  She is the one that I'm doing the angel for.

Mark and I had Minestrone Soup for dinner and just watched TV till Rae called and needed Mark to help her with a noise her car was making.  Turns out she needs brakes.

We sat up a bit and had some tea and went to bed.  I'm still not feeling very good.  I hope tomorrow I feel better.  It's back to the Woodlands to meet Dianne for lunch.

Pretty boring!  Hope something lights my fire soon!

Little Better!

I think!

Still not feeling the greatest but hopefully each day will get better.  I hate this because I was so on fire about moving and getting out and working on getting my steps up more on my Fitbit.  Now I feel like doing nothing!

And today I didn't do much.  I made some sweet potato hash browns and managed to make some Minestrone Soup.  I had to do a little at a time but I got it done.  I ate well for breakfast and lunch but I cratered at dinner and have some KFC chicken with green beans.  That's going to kick me really good till I get it out of my system.  I already feel it.

I have not slept well either.  Have laid still but not really sleep.  Not sure what this is all about.

Today I heard from a friend that I'm trying to cool it with.  I like her but she drags me down.  She is overweight, has bad knees and a beg of excuses on why she can't do anything about it.  I have really tried to be a friend and encourage her, help her, bought her things, basically done all that I can and I just can't deal with her anymore.  I can't bring myself to call her but I guess if she calls me I'll be nice.  I hate that.  Why do people make excuses?  They are a waste of time!

I also won a cross-stitch pattern in a group on Facebook.  That was great!  It is a angel sampler.  I can't wait to get it.  One of the members had a extra copy of it and just gave it away.  She has 2 others that she is going to do the same thing with.  One I would love to win and the other I already have.  I also joined a Stitch A Long (SAL) group to do a cute pattern called Santa of the Forest.  I need to get out my pattern and go and get the supplies by March 1, the day we all begin.  There is over 30 of us.

Tomorrow I have Anna and I'm going/hoping that I can go to the gym.  This icky/dizzy feeling needs to go!  I also would like to surprise Mark and make some stir-fry veggies with quinoa.  I haven't done that in a long time.  I made up the recipe and if I get it done I will write down what I do and share it with you.

Thanks for being patient with me.  Hopefully I'm on the mend.  I'm ready to be better!

Sick!

I have vertigo and nausea so bad.  I just don't feel like writing today.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  Going back to bed.

Forgive me please!

Drum Roll!!!!

Down 4.8 lbs!!!  44.8 total since working with Michael (Oct. 20) and 74.8 since last April!

I am so excited!!!!

I also woke up not feeling well.  What is with that?  I did not do anything today but sleep, eat, watch TV (you have to watch the Superbowl, right?) and stitched a little bit.  I did not get any cooking done so that means tomorrow will be crazy!

I am scheduled to go to the gym twice this week, I have an appointment with Anna and hopefully lunch with a friend.

I haven't looked for any new recipes for the week either.  I guess in all of this I have learned that it is not good to stay up till nearly 3 a.m.  I guess I'm getting to old for that!

I really hope I'm not getting sick again!  Feeling a little nauseated and light headed.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!  So this is so short and boring!

I'm going to bed!