I am loving this Fit Foods. It is truly amazing but more so is how much better I'm feeling eating clean. Even Mark says that he is feeling better each day. I can only imagine how we will both feel when we get our bodies detoxed of all the bad food we have eaten all the time. Each day we find ourselves content with the food and more determined to afford what we are doing. It is a good thing right now we have some extra money that his sweet Momma left us. We have invested most of it but we have some extra left out to help with further expenses until we are able to totally settle her estate. Thank you so much Nannie!!!!
Yesterday I woke up with allergy and a horrible headache. I kept thinking that I would feel better so that I could write this blog but I just kept sleeping on and off. I nearly messed up my eating schedule. Last night when I laid down I felt like I was drowning and I kept coughing till I finally got up and went into the media room and curled up in one of the recliners and finally got some rest. Luckily today I don't have the headache.
I do want to share with you what My Fit Food had in their book that I got for doing the 21-Day Challenge. It shocked me and I bet it will shock you and even make you think about giving up coffee.
Here it is:
Artificial Stimulants
Most Americans go through the day feeling like their energy is drained. Instead of grabbing a shot of coffee or a energy drink, there are much better and safer ways to achieve feeling of high energy. Artificial stimulants slow down you natural metabolism, congest your liver, dehydrate your body, cause headaches and prolong mood swings (depression). And by the way, did I mention that most are addictive? Although your body will have an adjustment period when you stop using thee stimulants, the natural genuine energy boosters in your meals will soon prevail! Artificial stimulants include: sugar, chocolate, coffee, tea, soda, tobacco and caffeine.
America's Favorite Stimulant: Caffeine:
Excess use of caffeine can set up a very addictive mood roller coaster. Caffeine zaps your body's natural energy supply, making you even more hooked on the stimulant as you "crash." The more you use, the more your body becomes dependent.
Negative Aspects of Caffeine:
1. Caffeine raises blood sugar and cortisol levels.
2. Both regular coffee and decaf have been linked to an increased risk of heart disease.
3. Caffeine promotes the breakdown of the blood vessels in the eyes, leading to poor eyesight.
4. Coffee contains as many as 200 different pesticides. Formaldehyde is a chemical used to strip caffeine out of decaf coffee--No decaf lease!
5. Caffeine is a diuretic. Dehydration contributes to slowing down the metabolsim.
6. Coffee is highly acidic to the body.
7. One cup of coffee raises cortisol for up to 14 hours. Chronically high cortisol affects insulin levels and cause a rise in hunger as well as fat storage.
Caffeine headaches are due to:
Nutritional Biochemist Stephen Cherniske said. "A caffeine deprivation (withdrawal) headace results from the normal opening (dilation) of blood vessel that are constricted by caffeine. Caffeine intake keeps blood vessels in the brain constricted." The headache is normal blood flow returning to the brain!
Use Green Tea Extract ad Vitami C to help offset the withdraw syptoms associated with elimiating caffeine.
Lovallo, W., et al. Cortisol Response to Mental Stress, Exercise and Meals Following Caffeine Intake in Men and Women." Pharmacology Biochemistry and Behavior 83, no 3 (March 2006)
I will share more about this and how it affected my mind tomorrow.
I did cancel my workout with Larissa today and I thought that I hoped that I would feel better last night but I didn't. I hope to go today on my own. If I don't quit writing and go get in the shower I am never going to get anything done!
Wishing you all a wonderful day!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Oh My Gosh!
I do apologize for being late in getting this written. Yesterday was such a busy day. I had a busy morning but I did get my breakfast in on time and my snack before I had to head out to train with Larissa. I just love her to death. She is so good and motivates me so much. Yesterday my lower back was bothering me (probably from my big rear-end) and she told me that we needed to strengthen my lower back muscle so we worked on that for a bit. She had me lean against one of those big balls against a wall and hold 10 lb weights in each hand and then I did just normal squats. She then removed the ball and had me bend slowly over and slowly drop the weights down to my feet and then slowly come up. It sounds really easy but it wasn't after about the 10th rep but it sure felt good to my back. We did some upper body weights and then we stretched and then I went home.
I got home and drank my protein shake and started getting ready for my consultation at My Fit Foods. I was real excited about that. I could tell by my Body Bugg that I wasn't doing something right because my total fats were over 70 grams and one day my sodium was too high. My protein had been really high as well. There must be more to this than just picking out 3 meals and a snack. I ate lunch before I went and was awesome. It was grilled shrimp with dirty rice and it had a couple sticks of asparagus on the top of it. It was spicy and oh so good!
I got down to My Fit Foods and had to wait for Daniel as he was finishing up with another couple who had signed up for a 21 day challenge. When he finally got through we discussed so many things. What I had been eating over the last few weeks and he told me that he wasn't a Dr. and he wasn't going to yell at me but it was important that I tell him the truth so he could better know how to guide me to get the best benefit of the 21 Day Challenge. He had a small book that we went through that had so much information in it. Some of the things it talked about was drinking coffee and why it is important to give it up and I'm telling you when I read what it said I looked at him and said "I'm Done!" It totally grossed me out and made me wonder if drinking coffee was one of the reasons why I wasn't losing weight very well I can tell you this, we are going t find out. We also went over sugar substitutes and what they do to our bodies and that was pretty gross as well. They had a article that they did on their Facebook page about diet sodas and all that was bad for our bodies and metabolism. They went on to tell that the did their own experiment with a can of Diet Sprite. It took 40 bottles of their perfectly pH balanced water to bring that can of Diet Sprite into balance. Does that gross you out or what? I do plan to copy what they said about the coffee probably in tomorrow's blog. This is all so new and interesting to me and I want to share it!
We finished up and we loaded up my car with bottles, supplements and food and they sent me on my way. My brain and body were tired by the time I got home and got the food unloaded in the refrigerator. Mark got home and we had dinner and then I went over with him all that I had learned and he was surprised by all the information that they had given me. He then went out to the refrigerator and sorted out the meals and days for the two of us and brought today's food in and put it in the refrigerator in the house. He went to bed and I wasn't far behind.!
Stay tuned! There is lots of information to share!!!
I'm so glad that I have made my way back! It feel so good!!!!
I got home and drank my protein shake and started getting ready for my consultation at My Fit Foods. I was real excited about that. I could tell by my Body Bugg that I wasn't doing something right because my total fats were over 70 grams and one day my sodium was too high. My protein had been really high as well. There must be more to this than just picking out 3 meals and a snack. I ate lunch before I went and was awesome. It was grilled shrimp with dirty rice and it had a couple sticks of asparagus on the top of it. It was spicy and oh so good!
I got down to My Fit Foods and had to wait for Daniel as he was finishing up with another couple who had signed up for a 21 day challenge. When he finally got through we discussed so many things. What I had been eating over the last few weeks and he told me that he wasn't a Dr. and he wasn't going to yell at me but it was important that I tell him the truth so he could better know how to guide me to get the best benefit of the 21 Day Challenge. He had a small book that we went through that had so much information in it. Some of the things it talked about was drinking coffee and why it is important to give it up and I'm telling you when I read what it said I looked at him and said "I'm Done!" It totally grossed me out and made me wonder if drinking coffee was one of the reasons why I wasn't losing weight very well I can tell you this, we are going t find out. We also went over sugar substitutes and what they do to our bodies and that was pretty gross as well. They had a article that they did on their Facebook page about diet sodas and all that was bad for our bodies and metabolism. They went on to tell that the did their own experiment with a can of Diet Sprite. It took 40 bottles of their perfectly pH balanced water to bring that can of Diet Sprite into balance. Does that gross you out or what? I do plan to copy what they said about the coffee probably in tomorrow's blog. This is all so new and interesting to me and I want to share it!
We finished up and we loaded up my car with bottles, supplements and food and they sent me on my way. My brain and body were tired by the time I got home and got the food unloaded in the refrigerator. Mark got home and we had dinner and then I went over with him all that I had learned and he was surprised by all the information that they had given me. He then went out to the refrigerator and sorted out the meals and days for the two of us and brought today's food in and put it in the refrigerator in the house. He went to bed and I wasn't far behind.!
Stay tuned! There is lots of information to share!!!
I'm so glad that I have made my way back! It feel so good!!!!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
I'm Such A Liar! Today It All Changes I Swear!!!
I had to actually and read my own blog to figure out what I have written about and what I haven't. That is terrible!
Lot's of different things have been happening. I'm just going to list them and not elaborate on them and then we will get down to the real stuff. I'm not going to try and give dates but when I end this day you all will be caught up and we can move on and get back to business of losing weight.
My niece and her Partner started having problems since Patrick was born. I knew some of it once they brought him home from the hospital. I felt like it was normal but then about a month ago Meredith (my niece) call and needed to talk. She told me that she was scared that Shannon was going to end things with her. I was shocked. I talked with Meredith about them going to counseling and I called Anna to see if she had a referral for someone who works with gay couples. She told me that she did and the rest is history. They are seeing Anna but more recently Meredith is ready to ignore the real problem because things have gotten better between them and I told Meredith that she was making a big mistake. The problem is Shannon and her relationship with her parents. It is not normal for someone in their near mid 30's! Enough said. It just killed me and I cried bucket of tears and worried and ate over what might happen.
I was also grieving cutting my friendship off with Mike. I miss the fun side of him but I don't miss the controlling side of him. I'm sure with time it will hurt less and less and my thoughts will get less and less.
I also found out around this time that my brother is moving back to Houston. Normal people would be happy and you all know that I'm not normal so... Anyway I want to be happy about him moving back because this is my chance to work on our relationship if he will allow it. He has been a little different towards me this last year so I'm really hoping. The reality of it all is, here is where my parents make the change and when they come up they will be going to his house and we will be expected (notice I said expected) not invited to come over. I hope there is a change there with my brother. I know that my parents will never be back out to my house again. That is just the way it is when Rob and I live in the same time. I tried telling my parents that I was glad that he was moving back because I'm hoping that we can see more of each other. Well guess what? I got the standard lecture that he is busy, he doesn't really have time, he has his golfing, his kids, etc. etc. Well I put my foot down and laid the law down. I refuse to think that my brother and I can't get together at least a couple times a year away from family. Rest assured that I will do everything I can to make it happen.
We are still having problems with Mark's middle sister and we have been going to Ft. Worth once a month to work on his mother's house. I could right a book about this but will refrain from it on this blog. My only question is "Why are we looking for flooring, carpet, counters, paint and fixtures when we need to finish going through things and get things ready for the Estate Sale. OMG!
So, all summer long I started eating fast food for lunch and dinner when we didn't go out More recently I added breakfast, so this past Wednesday I was at a all time high of 414.8 lbs. You heard me! Enough said, however let me say this I never binged I just ate like normal people do driving thru.
So on to the last two weeks. I had my Remicade and the next day went up to Anna's to keep Patrick while they had their session with Anna and the next day met with Mark L. about my antidepressants. He asked me how things were going and I just growled. I told him all that was going on and told him that I felt like that I just had too much on my plate right now but that I didn't feel depressed. The more I talked to him about all the things going on I started to cry. When I got through he told me that I was depressed and was I taking all my meds. I told him that I had been and truly I have been. He ended up doubling my Wellbutrin and I have to go back next month. At the end of our meeting he asked if I was working out and I told him the latest about JD which he is still having heart problems but more recently they had found a dark spot on his heart. I told him that again we had gotten inconsistent about our workouts. He told me to change trainers. He told me to get it done by Friday and then asked if I understood. I told him yes.
On Thursday I went and saw Anna and we talked about how I was feeling about Mike, my meeting with Mark and the changes he made. She had also given me an assignment to list everything positive about being over-weight a few weeks ago and we took a look at another thing on the list. I will tell you that has been the hardest thing that she has ever had me do. It really has opened another "Pandora's box" if you ask me. I didn't know that I had such feelings inside. I'm not sure yet if I will share or not but I would encourage you to get in a quiet place and do it for yourself. I'll give you my first thing...it protects me from hurtful people because if you are willing to get to know me now while I'm fat you'll be there for me when I'm thin. I had 11 or 12 things on the list! Getting back to the session I had with Anna she agreed that I needed to change trainers. Oh boy!
That afternoon I called the gym and I got a hold of Johnathon who is the supervisor over the trainers I told him what had been going on with JD and my training. I also told him that I felt that I was more responsible for cancelling with him than he with me. I just told him that we seem to have 4 good sessions and then one of us takes a break. I told Johnathon that I was not trying to get JD in trouble but my weight was now over 400 lbs, I was insulin resistant and my blood sugar was 110. I told him that I had to get something going or I was going to lose my life. He agreed. He said that he would recommend me having a female trainer and that he had someone in mind for me. He suggested that we meet and see if things would work out for us. I told him that I wanted to meet with her with JD not in the gym and he said that he could arrange that. He arranged a meeting between me and Larissa for this past Monday.
I went to the gym and met with Larissa and we really did hit it off together. She is from Russia and her accent at times makes it hard for me to understand her with my hearing disability but she is ok with having to repeat herself for me. I told her that JD bored me with my workouts because we did the same thing over and over. I told her that I liked a challenge and I like things mixed up if that was possible. She promised me that I would not get bored with my workouts. I also told her that I work better with encouragement than barking at me. I told her that JD had me doing dancing with the Wii Fit and boxing with weights and she told me that she wanted me to stop that. She wants me in the gym every single day. She also told me that she wanted to work with me 3 days a week in the beginning until we can get a quality of life back. She told me on our off days that she wanted me in the gym doing my cardio. She is starting me at 30 minutes and that we would slowly work up to a hour. I was real happy with her approach and I felt comfortable that she was not going to try and kill me like JD had.
She also showed me weight loss results of some of her other clients. She asked me if I had ever heard of My Fit Foods and I told her that JD had mentioned it to me back when they came and visited them at the gym. I told her he had given me a pamphlet but I had thrown in away because he seemed uninterested in them and was not impressed. She told me all about them and encouraged me to try them out for a while. She told me that they were expensive but it would help me until she could get me back to the point that I could really start caring for myself and getting around better. I have really gotten to the point that it is very hard for me to walk any distance and it was hard for me to stand for any length of time. It has been awful and I guess I just didn't want to come out here and confess that. I really got to the point that I didn't know what to do with myself. I had a plan but I didn't have the strength to carry it out.
I worked out with her on Wednesday for the first time. She was awesome and patient and very concerned about me and my comfort. She told me that she was surprised that I was stronger than she thought I was. The workout was totally different than JD ever did with me and I liked it because it all was something that I could do. She let me have breaks to sit and she encouraged me to drink my water as we worked out and JD couldn't stand it when I took water breaks. I left the gym a little sore all over but as the day went on I was really sore in my back and it just got worse. I was suppose to go in at 2:00 on Thursday to do my cardio and she was going to be there for me to help me get started and have some things that I could do but I called her and she decided for me to take a break and rest so that I would be able to work out on Friday which I did and that workout was different as well. Love it! Great change! Should have had her all along!
OK, this is getting long but I wanted to tell you that Mark and I did go and get a dinner from My Fit Foods and Oh My Stars was it ever good. They do nothing but "clean food" which you all know I have gotten really interested in. The meal was ever bit as good as any meal you would get in a high class restaurant. Needless to say day by day I added more of their meals and now Mark is fully on board with me to do it all as well so that he can get his weight back down. This is answered prayer. It is expensive and it will probably cost both of us about $1500 a month but I bet if you add all the eat outs and fast food meals we have been eating we probably have spent way over that. Right now we are committed totally and we will have to see what happens down the road as we go. I will tell you more about My Fit Foods as we go along. They have locations all over Texas, Oklahoma, Idaho, California and Arizona. They are growing. I feel so lucky because the first store started here in Houston back in 2007. I have a funny story to share with ya'll tomorrow. I will post! I promise. We have finally gotten the journey started again. Thanks for hanging in there with me!!!!
Lot's of different things have been happening. I'm just going to list them and not elaborate on them and then we will get down to the real stuff. I'm not going to try and give dates but when I end this day you all will be caught up and we can move on and get back to business of losing weight.
My niece and her Partner started having problems since Patrick was born. I knew some of it once they brought him home from the hospital. I felt like it was normal but then about a month ago Meredith (my niece) call and needed to talk. She told me that she was scared that Shannon was going to end things with her. I was shocked. I talked with Meredith about them going to counseling and I called Anna to see if she had a referral for someone who works with gay couples. She told me that she did and the rest is history. They are seeing Anna but more recently Meredith is ready to ignore the real problem because things have gotten better between them and I told Meredith that she was making a big mistake. The problem is Shannon and her relationship with her parents. It is not normal for someone in their near mid 30's! Enough said. It just killed me and I cried bucket of tears and worried and ate over what might happen.
I was also grieving cutting my friendship off with Mike. I miss the fun side of him but I don't miss the controlling side of him. I'm sure with time it will hurt less and less and my thoughts will get less and less.
I also found out around this time that my brother is moving back to Houston. Normal people would be happy and you all know that I'm not normal so... Anyway I want to be happy about him moving back because this is my chance to work on our relationship if he will allow it. He has been a little different towards me this last year so I'm really hoping. The reality of it all is, here is where my parents make the change and when they come up they will be going to his house and we will be expected (notice I said expected) not invited to come over. I hope there is a change there with my brother. I know that my parents will never be back out to my house again. That is just the way it is when Rob and I live in the same time. I tried telling my parents that I was glad that he was moving back because I'm hoping that we can see more of each other. Well guess what? I got the standard lecture that he is busy, he doesn't really have time, he has his golfing, his kids, etc. etc. Well I put my foot down and laid the law down. I refuse to think that my brother and I can't get together at least a couple times a year away from family. Rest assured that I will do everything I can to make it happen.
We are still having problems with Mark's middle sister and we have been going to Ft. Worth once a month to work on his mother's house. I could right a book about this but will refrain from it on this blog. My only question is "Why are we looking for flooring, carpet, counters, paint and fixtures when we need to finish going through things and get things ready for the Estate Sale. OMG!
So, all summer long I started eating fast food for lunch and dinner when we didn't go out More recently I added breakfast, so this past Wednesday I was at a all time high of 414.8 lbs. You heard me! Enough said, however let me say this I never binged I just ate like normal people do driving thru.
So on to the last two weeks. I had my Remicade and the next day went up to Anna's to keep Patrick while they had their session with Anna and the next day met with Mark L. about my antidepressants. He asked me how things were going and I just growled. I told him all that was going on and told him that I felt like that I just had too much on my plate right now but that I didn't feel depressed. The more I talked to him about all the things going on I started to cry. When I got through he told me that I was depressed and was I taking all my meds. I told him that I had been and truly I have been. He ended up doubling my Wellbutrin and I have to go back next month. At the end of our meeting he asked if I was working out and I told him the latest about JD which he is still having heart problems but more recently they had found a dark spot on his heart. I told him that again we had gotten inconsistent about our workouts. He told me to change trainers. He told me to get it done by Friday and then asked if I understood. I told him yes.
On Thursday I went and saw Anna and we talked about how I was feeling about Mike, my meeting with Mark and the changes he made. She had also given me an assignment to list everything positive about being over-weight a few weeks ago and we took a look at another thing on the list. I will tell you that has been the hardest thing that she has ever had me do. It really has opened another "Pandora's box" if you ask me. I didn't know that I had such feelings inside. I'm not sure yet if I will share or not but I would encourage you to get in a quiet place and do it for yourself. I'll give you my first thing...it protects me from hurtful people because if you are willing to get to know me now while I'm fat you'll be there for me when I'm thin. I had 11 or 12 things on the list! Getting back to the session I had with Anna she agreed that I needed to change trainers. Oh boy!
That afternoon I called the gym and I got a hold of Johnathon who is the supervisor over the trainers I told him what had been going on with JD and my training. I also told him that I felt that I was more responsible for cancelling with him than he with me. I just told him that we seem to have 4 good sessions and then one of us takes a break. I told Johnathon that I was not trying to get JD in trouble but my weight was now over 400 lbs, I was insulin resistant and my blood sugar was 110. I told him that I had to get something going or I was going to lose my life. He agreed. He said that he would recommend me having a female trainer and that he had someone in mind for me. He suggested that we meet and see if things would work out for us. I told him that I wanted to meet with her with JD not in the gym and he said that he could arrange that. He arranged a meeting between me and Larissa for this past Monday.
I went to the gym and met with Larissa and we really did hit it off together. She is from Russia and her accent at times makes it hard for me to understand her with my hearing disability but she is ok with having to repeat herself for me. I told her that JD bored me with my workouts because we did the same thing over and over. I told her that I liked a challenge and I like things mixed up if that was possible. She promised me that I would not get bored with my workouts. I also told her that I work better with encouragement than barking at me. I told her that JD had me doing dancing with the Wii Fit and boxing with weights and she told me that she wanted me to stop that. She wants me in the gym every single day. She also told me that she wanted to work with me 3 days a week in the beginning until we can get a quality of life back. She told me on our off days that she wanted me in the gym doing my cardio. She is starting me at 30 minutes and that we would slowly work up to a hour. I was real happy with her approach and I felt comfortable that she was not going to try and kill me like JD had.
She also showed me weight loss results of some of her other clients. She asked me if I had ever heard of My Fit Foods and I told her that JD had mentioned it to me back when they came and visited them at the gym. I told her he had given me a pamphlet but I had thrown in away because he seemed uninterested in them and was not impressed. She told me all about them and encouraged me to try them out for a while. She told me that they were expensive but it would help me until she could get me back to the point that I could really start caring for myself and getting around better. I have really gotten to the point that it is very hard for me to walk any distance and it was hard for me to stand for any length of time. It has been awful and I guess I just didn't want to come out here and confess that. I really got to the point that I didn't know what to do with myself. I had a plan but I didn't have the strength to carry it out.
I worked out with her on Wednesday for the first time. She was awesome and patient and very concerned about me and my comfort. She told me that she was surprised that I was stronger than she thought I was. The workout was totally different than JD ever did with me and I liked it because it all was something that I could do. She let me have breaks to sit and she encouraged me to drink my water as we worked out and JD couldn't stand it when I took water breaks. I left the gym a little sore all over but as the day went on I was really sore in my back and it just got worse. I was suppose to go in at 2:00 on Thursday to do my cardio and she was going to be there for me to help me get started and have some things that I could do but I called her and she decided for me to take a break and rest so that I would be able to work out on Friday which I did and that workout was different as well. Love it! Great change! Should have had her all along!
OK, this is getting long but I wanted to tell you that Mark and I did go and get a dinner from My Fit Foods and Oh My Stars was it ever good. They do nothing but "clean food" which you all know I have gotten really interested in. The meal was ever bit as good as any meal you would get in a high class restaurant. Needless to say day by day I added more of their meals and now Mark is fully on board with me to do it all as well so that he can get his weight back down. This is answered prayer. It is expensive and it will probably cost both of us about $1500 a month but I bet if you add all the eat outs and fast food meals we have been eating we probably have spent way over that. Right now we are committed totally and we will have to see what happens down the road as we go. I will tell you more about My Fit Foods as we go along. They have locations all over Texas, Oklahoma, Idaho, California and Arizona. They are growing. I feel so lucky because the first store started here in Houston back in 2007. I have a funny story to share with ya'll tomorrow. I will post! I promise. We have finally gotten the journey started again. Thanks for hanging in there with me!!!!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Gearing Up!!!
I have been busy with Karen and also my neighbor and high school friend Rae the last couple of weeks. I had such a good time with Karen and this surprise visit will be treasured. At least this time we both didn't cry when we said our good-byes. We hugged each other like we didn't want to ever let go. We really got to catch up and share so much about the goings on in each others lives and we shopped and we ate out and tried our best to keep it as healthy as we could. She gave me a lot of support while she was here and she gave me a good talkin' to! I needed it. I bought us matching Pandora charms for our bracelets that were a puffy heart with a purple stone since we both love the color purple. Mine will have to wait till I lose enough weight to be able to add it. This is a good incentive for me.
I have gone back to seeing JD and he is about to kill me! No treadmill but he is using the Recumbant Bike and the first day I could only go 40 seconds. Now I'm up to 3 minutes so I am making progress! We sat down in a chair the first couple of times and I just did hand weights and a stretch rope. That has really help me get a routine to do at home with weights and he had me buy a set of 5 lb weights and I purchased those when Karen was here. Karen actually went to the gym with me the last day that we had together. She met JD and she liked him. She shopped at JC Penney's while I worked out. We had a spat that morning because he wanted to cancel on me but I stood my ground and even asked him if he would like for me to get a different trainer and he decided that he felt a whole lot better. He about killed me that day. I actually had to sit for a bit because I was shaking so bad and I wanted to throw up! He has never worked me out to that point. We are getting along and as long as he doesn't try to cancel on me I will keep him but if he tries to cancel on me then I will change trainers.
Have not heard a peep out of Mike for a month now and I can't tell you how much better I'm starting to feel. I won't lie and tell you that I don't miss him but there are times that I do but it is getting easier. It is all for the best. I'm seeing more clearly how toxic our friendship was! I do however miss Sandy like crazy but I figure that we will never be able to be friends because of him. There is no telling what he is out saying about me. He truly has to win and be top dog all the time. Remember he never does anything wrong and "Mikey is always right!" Bullshit!
Tomorrow is Mark's birthday and this weekend we are kinda celebrating that. I am using portion control but I'm not tracking. I have been retaining a lot of fluid because I have been so busy I haven't been able to take it. I have been so miserable! Today I lost 7 lbs so far and I know that there is more fluid to come off.
Monday is the day that I start Phase One! As soon as I post this I am going to create a page and get My Life Plan posted for all of you to see. All my Dr.'s and Anna and JD are all on board with it and I have had all my friends think that it is great! I'm feeling good about it because it is my plan and not anyone telling me what to do and how to do it! I know that this is going to work.
So...starting Monday you will be hearing from me on a daily basis once again. I'm excited to start Phase One and I'm excited to see the results. I'm ready!!!
One last thing! I didn't realize that I had my comments set where it is a pain to post. I have since changed the settings so post away.
I have gone back to seeing JD and he is about to kill me! No treadmill but he is using the Recumbant Bike and the first day I could only go 40 seconds. Now I'm up to 3 minutes so I am making progress! We sat down in a chair the first couple of times and I just did hand weights and a stretch rope. That has really help me get a routine to do at home with weights and he had me buy a set of 5 lb weights and I purchased those when Karen was here. Karen actually went to the gym with me the last day that we had together. She met JD and she liked him. She shopped at JC Penney's while I worked out. We had a spat that morning because he wanted to cancel on me but I stood my ground and even asked him if he would like for me to get a different trainer and he decided that he felt a whole lot better. He about killed me that day. I actually had to sit for a bit because I was shaking so bad and I wanted to throw up! He has never worked me out to that point. We are getting along and as long as he doesn't try to cancel on me I will keep him but if he tries to cancel on me then I will change trainers.
Have not heard a peep out of Mike for a month now and I can't tell you how much better I'm starting to feel. I won't lie and tell you that I don't miss him but there are times that I do but it is getting easier. It is all for the best. I'm seeing more clearly how toxic our friendship was! I do however miss Sandy like crazy but I figure that we will never be able to be friends because of him. There is no telling what he is out saying about me. He truly has to win and be top dog all the time. Remember he never does anything wrong and "Mikey is always right!" Bullshit!
Tomorrow is Mark's birthday and this weekend we are kinda celebrating that. I am using portion control but I'm not tracking. I have been retaining a lot of fluid because I have been so busy I haven't been able to take it. I have been so miserable! Today I lost 7 lbs so far and I know that there is more fluid to come off.
Monday is the day that I start Phase One! As soon as I post this I am going to create a page and get My Life Plan posted for all of you to see. All my Dr.'s and Anna and JD are all on board with it and I have had all my friends think that it is great! I'm feeling good about it because it is my plan and not anyone telling me what to do and how to do it! I know that this is going to work.
So...starting Monday you will be hearing from me on a daily basis once again. I'm excited to start Phase One and I'm excited to see the results. I'm ready!!!
One last thing! I didn't realize that I had my comments set where it is a pain to post. I have since changed the settings so post away.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Catching Up Again!
I know that I keep letting you all down and I'm so sorry. I have had so much going on!
I got to have lunch with a sweet friend who I met on the Internet and finally got to put a face with a name and I was so blessed by meeting her and getting to know each other further. We said that we would have lunch together soon and I hope we can again really soon. She is just the sweetest person and has really blessed me knowing her over the last several years.
Secondly, my best friend who moved to Norway back in January had a death in her family and will be in town till September 6. Another huge blessing to me! I got to see her the first time last Thursday. She has lost what I have gained. I have never seen Karen so small! She looks fantastic and has really motivated me. Like all of you who support me she is very concerned about me. We just had lunch together but this next week we are spending Monday, Wednesday and Thursday with each other and I'm sure the following week will be the same. I know that I will have to go through missing her all over again but I also know that she will be coming back November or December for a few weeks. I'm hoping that because she flew here on her own that maybe next year she will consider to come back and spend a month here getting to see family and friends outside of her husband's vacation time. HOPING!!!
I haven't gotten to meet up with JD because he has been sick with a bad cold and awful congestion. Since I just had my Remicade my immune system is at it's lowest so I'm hoping by this coming Tuesday that we will be able to start my training again. This week I started my plan but I have had a rough go of it. Monday I had Remicade and was gone most of the day and when I got home I fell asleep. Eating was good, in fact I missed lunch that day so my calories were only about 1,000 or so calories. Tuesday I met my friend and we went to Luby's and I did really well and after we met I had to run a couple of errands and then I had an appointment to get the Keratin treatment done on my hair. I missed lunch that day too. Not good. Wednesday I had to be at the Dr.'s early to finish up my annual physical. I'll give you the results later. After I saw him I had to run Mark his lunch and then I had to go to the court house to get my handicap placard for my car. Yes, I need one at times. I'm not going to use it unless I really need to like when I go see Anna I have to walk around the building and then walk back to the back of the building once I'm inside. It is a haul and my knees and ankles can't take it. I was so hungry that day because I missed breakfast I did not make a good choice for lunch but my dinner was a good choice. I'm sure that my calories were over 2500 that day. Thursday I got to meet up with Karen after I saw Anna and we had Chinese food and pretty much after that meal I just felt like giving up. Thursday dinner was BBQ and then Friday we headed up to Ft. Worth and my choices while we have been here have been good at times and bad at times. I can't wait to get back home in my own environment! I don't know what next week will bring with Karen being here but I know that she will help me. She always has.
I'm still miserable!
Now on to the results of my physical. My EKG was normal so I was happy about that. Of course my blood work showed that I'm low on B-12 which I'm giving myself weekly injections and my vitamin D is low which the Dr. called in mega D pills for me to take for 6 weeks. I already know from my oncologist that my iron level is low but not to the point of anemia and she will decide next month rather to give me a iron IV or not. I did find out that I am insulin resistant but my numbers are not too high. My Dr. believes that the last 30 lbs that I have gained has caused this. He said that he truly believes that my numbers will go back down with my weight loss and he is really happy about my plan to lose it. My Rheumatologist also said that my plan was great on Monday! He told me that normally they would treat it with Metforman but that can cause diarrhea and that isn't good for my crohns so for the next 3 months I need to stick to my plan and lose what I can and he is going to retest me then. We didn't talk about my cholesterol which the last time I was tested it wasn't high but because of the high inflammation tat I have from crohn's and sjogren's they wanted me on cholesterol meds and I was a bad girl and quit taking them. I admitted it to him last month and he told me not to start taking them until we finished my physical so I'm going to shoot him a email this weekend and find out what those results were and what he wants me to do.
So gang, this is my wake-up call. While things are not bad things are starting to go awry and I don't want to add another medical issue to my list. Oh yes, the Dr. also said that he didn't want to add the Metforman because of all the other meds and supplements that I have to take unless he has to. He said that I am at the point it is scary to have to add any more meds because of all that I have to take. So...it's time for Laura to get serious and she plans to!
We are up in Ft. Worth this weekend to work on Mark's Mom's house. His sister and him turned the weekend into a shopping spree to look for new light fixtures for the house when it is ready to go on the market. If they don't get serious about going through her stuff her house is never going to hit the market. I've been a bit upset this weekend because I came to work but I have pretty much just sat around because I can get around well enough to shop! We are going home today and I will be so happy to get there!
I swear that I am going to get back to daily or at least every other day writing on this blog so I will quit having such long posts!
Thanks for having patience with me and thanks for wanting to keep up with me!
Later!
I got to have lunch with a sweet friend who I met on the Internet and finally got to put a face with a name and I was so blessed by meeting her and getting to know each other further. We said that we would have lunch together soon and I hope we can again really soon. She is just the sweetest person and has really blessed me knowing her over the last several years.
Secondly, my best friend who moved to Norway back in January had a death in her family and will be in town till September 6. Another huge blessing to me! I got to see her the first time last Thursday. She has lost what I have gained. I have never seen Karen so small! She looks fantastic and has really motivated me. Like all of you who support me she is very concerned about me. We just had lunch together but this next week we are spending Monday, Wednesday and Thursday with each other and I'm sure the following week will be the same. I know that I will have to go through missing her all over again but I also know that she will be coming back November or December for a few weeks. I'm hoping that because she flew here on her own that maybe next year she will consider to come back and spend a month here getting to see family and friends outside of her husband's vacation time. HOPING!!!
I haven't gotten to meet up with JD because he has been sick with a bad cold and awful congestion. Since I just had my Remicade my immune system is at it's lowest so I'm hoping by this coming Tuesday that we will be able to start my training again. This week I started my plan but I have had a rough go of it. Monday I had Remicade and was gone most of the day and when I got home I fell asleep. Eating was good, in fact I missed lunch that day so my calories were only about 1,000 or so calories. Tuesday I met my friend and we went to Luby's and I did really well and after we met I had to run a couple of errands and then I had an appointment to get the Keratin treatment done on my hair. I missed lunch that day too. Not good. Wednesday I had to be at the Dr.'s early to finish up my annual physical. I'll give you the results later. After I saw him I had to run Mark his lunch and then I had to go to the court house to get my handicap placard for my car. Yes, I need one at times. I'm not going to use it unless I really need to like when I go see Anna I have to walk around the building and then walk back to the back of the building once I'm inside. It is a haul and my knees and ankles can't take it. I was so hungry that day because I missed breakfast I did not make a good choice for lunch but my dinner was a good choice. I'm sure that my calories were over 2500 that day. Thursday I got to meet up with Karen after I saw Anna and we had Chinese food and pretty much after that meal I just felt like giving up. Thursday dinner was BBQ and then Friday we headed up to Ft. Worth and my choices while we have been here have been good at times and bad at times. I can't wait to get back home in my own environment! I don't know what next week will bring with Karen being here but I know that she will help me. She always has.
I'm still miserable!
Now on to the results of my physical. My EKG was normal so I was happy about that. Of course my blood work showed that I'm low on B-12 which I'm giving myself weekly injections and my vitamin D is low which the Dr. called in mega D pills for me to take for 6 weeks. I already know from my oncologist that my iron level is low but not to the point of anemia and she will decide next month rather to give me a iron IV or not. I did find out that I am insulin resistant but my numbers are not too high. My Dr. believes that the last 30 lbs that I have gained has caused this. He said that he truly believes that my numbers will go back down with my weight loss and he is really happy about my plan to lose it. My Rheumatologist also said that my plan was great on Monday! He told me that normally they would treat it with Metforman but that can cause diarrhea and that isn't good for my crohns so for the next 3 months I need to stick to my plan and lose what I can and he is going to retest me then. We didn't talk about my cholesterol which the last time I was tested it wasn't high but because of the high inflammation tat I have from crohn's and sjogren's they wanted me on cholesterol meds and I was a bad girl and quit taking them. I admitted it to him last month and he told me not to start taking them until we finished my physical so I'm going to shoot him a email this weekend and find out what those results were and what he wants me to do.
So gang, this is my wake-up call. While things are not bad things are starting to go awry and I don't want to add another medical issue to my list. Oh yes, the Dr. also said that he didn't want to add the Metforman because of all the other meds and supplements that I have to take unless he has to. He said that I am at the point it is scary to have to add any more meds because of all that I have to take. So...it's time for Laura to get serious and she plans to!
We are up in Ft. Worth this weekend to work on Mark's Mom's house. His sister and him turned the weekend into a shopping spree to look for new light fixtures for the house when it is ready to go on the market. If they don't get serious about going through her stuff her house is never going to hit the market. I've been a bit upset this weekend because I came to work but I have pretty much just sat around because I can get around well enough to shop! We are going home today and I will be so happy to get there!
I swear that I am going to get back to daily or at least every other day writing on this blog so I will quit having such long posts!
Thanks for having patience with me and thanks for wanting to keep up with me!
Later!
Friday, August 17, 2012
I have been such a mess!!!!
I truly have not realized that it has been two weeks since I wrote on this blog. I have truly been a mess. I have had moment where I felt like my old self and other times I e felt like I was drowning in a deep dark hole. In my last post I shared with you that Anna wanted me to write my own diet program. Well this threw me for a loop. I wavered back and forth as to if I could do that or do I just need to find another program to try. I also have spent a lot of time thinking about my parents and the negativity that they bring into my equation. I've thought about Mike and how even still being away from WW he still has too much a hold of my life. I can tell you that there have been times that I have felt like I was spinning out of control. And I ate and ate and ate and ate. I had my last workout with JD two weeks ago two and walking on the treadmill for 20 minutes about killed me. For the next 3 days I could barely walk my legs were hurting so bad and then my knees started hurting. I have never had any knee pain. I kept eating, in secret, when Mark was at work and hiding the evidence. Sick! Sick! Sick! I have never seen myself in such emotional turmoil.
Last Thursday my meeting with Anna went really well and she made me feel better about writing my own program and following it. We also talked about me getting a good support group going and she sweetly told me that she would be here to cheer me on. That was one thing that has been bothering me is having someone locally to be a buddy and cheer each other on That is what I miss the most out of my WW meetings! Being with people in the same boat trying to reach a goal. I left determined to write my own program, set some new boundaries and start praying for someone locally who could cheer me on. I know that I have all of you and trust me you all mean the world to me but I only have a connection with a few who do read this blog, some of you I don't even know. I just see your location hit my stats. I always say a prayer for you and I always wish that I could know each of you better and more personally.
Last Friday morning I had to go and have some blood work done for a physical that I have coming up this coming Wednesday. I decided to call my Dad and talk to him about their recent visit and things that were sad. We talked about 45 minutes, the length of time it took to drive to my Dr.'s office. It was a hard conversation and at times it was uncomfortable and times we fought. I did get my point across and that was I was no longer going to take their policing my diet and being negative about my weight and more importantly who Laura really is. In a nutshell because I don't want to make this too long I told him that I needed and wanted them to love me for who I am now, accept me where I am at now, acknowledge my true talents and get off of me about my weight with all their negative comments and conversations. I told him that I was afraid of them passing on and me not having closure to our problems. He assured me that they love me and he could see what they were doing was bad and wrong and that he would talk to my Mom and they would stop it and would support me for who I am. I told him and made him understand that no one was more concerned about the weight than I was and that I was going to work on it and I was determined to win the battle.
The second thing that happened last Friday was I waited to see if Mike would call like he normally does after he is through with his morning meetings. He had not called me all week and after our conversation the last Saturday before I truly felt that he was playing games with me. Another control function of his. Well, I decided that I was done with games and since I was in the mode of getting some areas of my life going in the right direction I might as well just call it quits with our relationship, friendship whatever you want to call it. I was freaking done with him. I called him fully ready to talk to him but he ignored my call so I left him a message telling him that I was sick of his games and sick of his comments about the phone and that I was ending our friendship. I really don't remember what else I might have said. I then went to my phone settings and blocked his phone number. Then my phone rang and it was him and I saw my phone reject the call. He left me a message. Before I could call to listen to that one I saw my phone reject his call again and he left message number two. I listened to his messages and whined to me about not understanding, that I had broken his heart, to please call and talk to him, and how much it was out of character of me. Well it is not out of character for me because I am slow to anger but when I blow you better be out of the way! LOL! It doesn't happen very often, in fact it is rare but I can be pushed to explode after a long time. I was mad that he didn't take my call but could immediately listen to my message and immediately call me back. His second message he told me that he didn't talk to anyone this past week because he had a very sick family member and then went on to shoot me down and want to know what he had done. I figured since he could leave a message that maybe I could text him. I texted him and told him that I would send him a letter. He responded back that he didn't want a letter but he wanted to talk to me. Well as far as I was concerned he had his chance. I then text him and told him that I was sick of his comebacks and I was sick of him not letting me talk or listen. I told him that I was tired of giving in to him, I told him that I was done taking crap from him like he throwing Sandy in my face as being a witness that I was the one always calling him. That was bull! I went on to tell him that he was a control freak and I was done with him controlling me. There were some other things I said that I needed to get off my chest about him but you get the jest of what happened. He texted me back saying that I took things wrong and I knew that he was fixing to start sweet talking me out of my anger like he always does so I CHOSE to ignore him. I have not heard from him since. It as been a week and I hope that it is forever!
This past week I ate more and more and tried to start writing my program for Anna and I would get started and delete it. I could not find any self-confidence in trying to write anything that would resemble a weight loss program for myself. At times I felt empowered and times I felt like I couldn't go on. Times that I wanted to just die and times that I wanted to fight to live. And yes I am taking my antidepressants! I really felt like a yo-yo! Well on Wednesday I wanted to throw in the towel and I started researching gastric surgery again. I didn't know what else to do. When Mark got home I told him that I wanted to seek out surgery again and he quickly told me that I would be signing my death certificate and told me that he knew that I could do this. He told me that he would do anything to help me. I pondered a program and he went to be and I tried to get the writing juices going and I couldn't and found myself sleepy so I went to bed and asked Mark to wake me when the alarm went off at 5:00 so that I could get up and write my program for Anna.
Needless to say that I didn't sleep well and I was awake about 4:45 a.m. so I got up and came and put my computer in my lap, played a few games on FB and then opened a Word Document and got started with a title of "Laura's Life Plan" That is the name of the program. Then I wrote on the Paper Phase One. I struggled but knew that I had better have a plan done for my session. Next I wrote down next to it Lose 20 lbs. Starting Weight 395 lbs. Ending Weight 375 lbs. I knew that I am not getting around, knees and feet killing me, knew there was no way that I could cook and Mark was about to so next I wrote down was: Eating Plan: Prepackaged foods and no eating out except for Subway. Calorie limit was 1500 Calories. Next I wrote down Exercise and I just sat there. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to delete it all because I feel so much like a complete failure. I finally wrote down that I would do the Wii for 30 minutes in the morning sitting in a chair and I would dance sitting down. I wrote down that in the afternoon I would do 30 minutes of exercise with 2 lb. weights that JD has been wanting me to get. With Phase One complete I went on and was able to map out the rest of my plan including surgery and getting on to goal. A rush of relief ran over me.
I got dressed and out the door to go see Anna and we talked abut my good-bye to Mike for a few minutes and then I handed her my plan. She loved it! She wondered why I didn't set some time limits and I didn't because at this weight I have never eaten just 1500 calories except back in April when I started JD's plan and the weight came flying off and that was without exercise except what I did when I was with him. I told her that I needed to get through Phase II and I would be better at setting a time limit on all the other Phases. I do have to admit looking at the Plan and it's Phases it does look doable and no so overwhelming!!! We talked about rewards and I told her that I wanted to stick with my Pandora bracelet and a charm for every 10 lbs that I lose and a charm for my necklace for ever month that I successfully follow the plan without any screw up. We talked about the 100 lb goal being a gold Pandora Charm with Diamonds for my necklace and the ending being a whole new wardrobe and she would help me shop! I love the way Anna dresses and I would be thrilled if she would help me and she said that she would be honored to. We laughed and agreed that Mark better get more money set back for that! LOL! She asked me when I was going to start and I told her this Monday. I told her I picked Monday because I needed to get pre-packaged food in the house, get my weights and write out my weekly plan to follow. So that is what it is. My start date is this coming Monday.
So...I will create a tab on this blog and I will post my full plan for all of you to see this weekend. I am going to share with you each Monday what I plan on eating. Another thing before I forget Anna and I talked about my 1500 calorie limit and why I picked that and I told her because doing what JD wanted me to I had a hard time getting up to the 1800 calorie limit that he set. She felt like 1500 may be to low at my present weight and encouraged me to work with JD and get it on up to 1800 so we will see. My mind says between 1500 and 1800. So that is the plan. I am going to be using my new Body Bugg that I can track through my phone. I'm not going to figure out calorie a I write the plan out for the week but I will take note what the Body Bugg is telling me and make adjustments as needed and of course I will make changes to the plan if need be. I will make a tab for all of you to see what I am going to eat for the week. Once I get to where I can stand for more than 5 minutes I will post recipes that I try along the way.
Ready to find out what Phase II is? Stay tuned! Pray for me! I'm scared of where I'm at. I was in better shape at 468. I had no pain. This is awful! I feel like a prisoner!
Last Thursday my meeting with Anna went really well and she made me feel better about writing my own program and following it. We also talked about me getting a good support group going and she sweetly told me that she would be here to cheer me on. That was one thing that has been bothering me is having someone locally to be a buddy and cheer each other on That is what I miss the most out of my WW meetings! Being with people in the same boat trying to reach a goal. I left determined to write my own program, set some new boundaries and start praying for someone locally who could cheer me on. I know that I have all of you and trust me you all mean the world to me but I only have a connection with a few who do read this blog, some of you I don't even know. I just see your location hit my stats. I always say a prayer for you and I always wish that I could know each of you better and more personally.
Last Friday morning I had to go and have some blood work done for a physical that I have coming up this coming Wednesday. I decided to call my Dad and talk to him about their recent visit and things that were sad. We talked about 45 minutes, the length of time it took to drive to my Dr.'s office. It was a hard conversation and at times it was uncomfortable and times we fought. I did get my point across and that was I was no longer going to take their policing my diet and being negative about my weight and more importantly who Laura really is. In a nutshell because I don't want to make this too long I told him that I needed and wanted them to love me for who I am now, accept me where I am at now, acknowledge my true talents and get off of me about my weight with all their negative comments and conversations. I told him that I was afraid of them passing on and me not having closure to our problems. He assured me that they love me and he could see what they were doing was bad and wrong and that he would talk to my Mom and they would stop it and would support me for who I am. I told him and made him understand that no one was more concerned about the weight than I was and that I was going to work on it and I was determined to win the battle.
The second thing that happened last Friday was I waited to see if Mike would call like he normally does after he is through with his morning meetings. He had not called me all week and after our conversation the last Saturday before I truly felt that he was playing games with me. Another control function of his. Well, I decided that I was done with games and since I was in the mode of getting some areas of my life going in the right direction I might as well just call it quits with our relationship, friendship whatever you want to call it. I was freaking done with him. I called him fully ready to talk to him but he ignored my call so I left him a message telling him that I was sick of his games and sick of his comments about the phone and that I was ending our friendship. I really don't remember what else I might have said. I then went to my phone settings and blocked his phone number. Then my phone rang and it was him and I saw my phone reject the call. He left me a message. Before I could call to listen to that one I saw my phone reject his call again and he left message number two. I listened to his messages and whined to me about not understanding, that I had broken his heart, to please call and talk to him, and how much it was out of character of me. Well it is not out of character for me because I am slow to anger but when I blow you better be out of the way! LOL! It doesn't happen very often, in fact it is rare but I can be pushed to explode after a long time. I was mad that he didn't take my call but could immediately listen to my message and immediately call me back. His second message he told me that he didn't talk to anyone this past week because he had a very sick family member and then went on to shoot me down and want to know what he had done. I figured since he could leave a message that maybe I could text him. I texted him and told him that I would send him a letter. He responded back that he didn't want a letter but he wanted to talk to me. Well as far as I was concerned he had his chance. I then text him and told him that I was sick of his comebacks and I was sick of him not letting me talk or listen. I told him that I was tired of giving in to him, I told him that I was done taking crap from him like he throwing Sandy in my face as being a witness that I was the one always calling him. That was bull! I went on to tell him that he was a control freak and I was done with him controlling me. There were some other things I said that I needed to get off my chest about him but you get the jest of what happened. He texted me back saying that I took things wrong and I knew that he was fixing to start sweet talking me out of my anger like he always does so I CHOSE to ignore him. I have not heard from him since. It as been a week and I hope that it is forever!
This past week I ate more and more and tried to start writing my program for Anna and I would get started and delete it. I could not find any self-confidence in trying to write anything that would resemble a weight loss program for myself. At times I felt empowered and times I felt like I couldn't go on. Times that I wanted to just die and times that I wanted to fight to live. And yes I am taking my antidepressants! I really felt like a yo-yo! Well on Wednesday I wanted to throw in the towel and I started researching gastric surgery again. I didn't know what else to do. When Mark got home I told him that I wanted to seek out surgery again and he quickly told me that I would be signing my death certificate and told me that he knew that I could do this. He told me that he would do anything to help me. I pondered a program and he went to be and I tried to get the writing juices going and I couldn't and found myself sleepy so I went to bed and asked Mark to wake me when the alarm went off at 5:00 so that I could get up and write my program for Anna.
Needless to say that I didn't sleep well and I was awake about 4:45 a.m. so I got up and came and put my computer in my lap, played a few games on FB and then opened a Word Document and got started with a title of "Laura's Life Plan" That is the name of the program. Then I wrote on the Paper Phase One. I struggled but knew that I had better have a plan done for my session. Next I wrote down next to it Lose 20 lbs. Starting Weight 395 lbs. Ending Weight 375 lbs. I knew that I am not getting around, knees and feet killing me, knew there was no way that I could cook and Mark was about to so next I wrote down was: Eating Plan: Prepackaged foods and no eating out except for Subway. Calorie limit was 1500 Calories. Next I wrote down Exercise and I just sat there. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to delete it all because I feel so much like a complete failure. I finally wrote down that I would do the Wii for 30 minutes in the morning sitting in a chair and I would dance sitting down. I wrote down that in the afternoon I would do 30 minutes of exercise with 2 lb. weights that JD has been wanting me to get. With Phase One complete I went on and was able to map out the rest of my plan including surgery and getting on to goal. A rush of relief ran over me.
I got dressed and out the door to go see Anna and we talked abut my good-bye to Mike for a few minutes and then I handed her my plan. She loved it! She wondered why I didn't set some time limits and I didn't because at this weight I have never eaten just 1500 calories except back in April when I started JD's plan and the weight came flying off and that was without exercise except what I did when I was with him. I told her that I needed to get through Phase II and I would be better at setting a time limit on all the other Phases. I do have to admit looking at the Plan and it's Phases it does look doable and no so overwhelming!!! We talked about rewards and I told her that I wanted to stick with my Pandora bracelet and a charm for every 10 lbs that I lose and a charm for my necklace for ever month that I successfully follow the plan without any screw up. We talked about the 100 lb goal being a gold Pandora Charm with Diamonds for my necklace and the ending being a whole new wardrobe and she would help me shop! I love the way Anna dresses and I would be thrilled if she would help me and she said that she would be honored to. We laughed and agreed that Mark better get more money set back for that! LOL! She asked me when I was going to start and I told her this Monday. I told her I picked Monday because I needed to get pre-packaged food in the house, get my weights and write out my weekly plan to follow. So that is what it is. My start date is this coming Monday.
So...I will create a tab on this blog and I will post my full plan for all of you to see this weekend. I am going to share with you each Monday what I plan on eating. Another thing before I forget Anna and I talked about my 1500 calorie limit and why I picked that and I told her because doing what JD wanted me to I had a hard time getting up to the 1800 calorie limit that he set. She felt like 1500 may be to low at my present weight and encouraged me to work with JD and get it on up to 1800 so we will see. My mind says between 1500 and 1800. So that is the plan. I am going to be using my new Body Bugg that I can track through my phone. I'm not going to figure out calorie a I write the plan out for the week but I will take note what the Body Bugg is telling me and make adjustments as needed and of course I will make changes to the plan if need be. I will make a tab for all of you to see what I am going to eat for the week. Once I get to where I can stand for more than 5 minutes I will post recipes that I try along the way.
Ready to find out what Phase II is? Stay tuned! Pray for me! I'm scared of where I'm at. I was in better shape at 468. I had no pain. This is awful! I feel like a prisoner!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Feeling Better!
Thank God that I am starting to feel like a human again! At least I'm feeling like trying to find my way again. Rolling a lot of things around in my head. I actually went on the Weight Watcher site and contemplated about going back. Picking a new leader and starting anew. That didn't last too long. I'm not in the mood of spending $42.95 a month. I then researched doing it on-line and I just can't get the excitement of going back. I really think that for now I need to set a calorie limit of 1500 calories and just counting it on my own. I know that it is going to require planning and that is where I need to come around. I use to love sitting and planning each meal and snack for the week and that is what I did when I was the most successful on the program then Mike did a whole meeting on planning and really talked it down. He told the class that he couldn't plan that he had to do the program on the run and just had to make it work. I remember him describing what he did and it sounded like it would be pretty easy so I decided to give it a try. I never ever went back to planning all my meals and snacks. I did for a long time plan my dinners. I learned to leave around 14 points for dinner time. I remember the large meals that we ate. Now after doing what JD has wanted me to do I can see just how much we overate. I really think things that Mike taught me did not work for me. I hung on to every word he said and I wished like hell that I never ever, ever ask him to privately coach me. That was my demise. I am sure.
I got too emotionally involved with Mike. I hung on to everything he told me and everything he told me to do. I see that now. I was a balloon over-filled and ready to bust when I quit WW several months ago. Everyone was right. He controlled me more than he helped me. Anna was right when she said that he was a pedophile that loved to control women. I should have seen it with what he did with my friend Renee who gained all her weight back. All 267 lbs! Even after having skin removal surgery. She told me that he prayed on low self-esteemed women and would control them. Anna even has a patient right now who Mike is calling everyday and she is loving all the attention. Sick! I say sick! Since I have quit, he is calling less and less and I'm loving it more and more and I guess it is time for Laura to figure out Laura's plan. I really think Anna is right that I need to write out my own plan because I do know a lot about losing weight. I need to find what works for me.
I know one thing, whatever I do I want it to be the last time that I lost this first 100 lbs. Four times at this is enough. It is time to make it permanent. I have got to find a lifestyle that works for me. Maybe that is why I just want to count calories and eat as healthy as I can. I do like the idea of no carbs in the evening. I also like the idea of a free meal once a week where I can go and enjoy something I really like and not worry about it.
I charged up my new BodyBugg last night and this morning I plan on getting it set up. It will work with my cell phone. I also want to check out "My Fitness Pal" as I have heard a lot of good things about it as far as tracking goes. I ran into a person at Costco one day who had the this new BodyBugg and she told me that she was using a trainer at 24 Hour Fitness but she was tracking her food through My Fitness Pal and subtracting the calories from what her BodyBugg said to get her deficit. She said that she loved it more than using the BodyBugg program. She told me that their data base was bigger. I think that I am going to check it out.
I am planning to return to the gym today and face JD. I'm not looking forward to it. I still in my sick head don't want to move but I know deep down inside that I need to. I'm still rolling around in my head to change trainers. He told me last week that he was going to have Karina call me but that hasn't happened yet. I think that today I will call the gym and get the gym manager to set up a meeting between us when JD is not in the gym. I'd like to talk to this girl since she has lost a lot of weight and that is what drove her to become a personal trainer. I need someone who can relate to what I'm going through. This is hard!
More later!
I got too emotionally involved with Mike. I hung on to everything he told me and everything he told me to do. I see that now. I was a balloon over-filled and ready to bust when I quit WW several months ago. Everyone was right. He controlled me more than he helped me. Anna was right when she said that he was a pedophile that loved to control women. I should have seen it with what he did with my friend Renee who gained all her weight back. All 267 lbs! Even after having skin removal surgery. She told me that he prayed on low self-esteemed women and would control them. Anna even has a patient right now who Mike is calling everyday and she is loving all the attention. Sick! I say sick! Since I have quit, he is calling less and less and I'm loving it more and more and I guess it is time for Laura to figure out Laura's plan. I really think Anna is right that I need to write out my own plan because I do know a lot about losing weight. I need to find what works for me.
I know one thing, whatever I do I want it to be the last time that I lost this first 100 lbs. Four times at this is enough. It is time to make it permanent. I have got to find a lifestyle that works for me. Maybe that is why I just want to count calories and eat as healthy as I can. I do like the idea of no carbs in the evening. I also like the idea of a free meal once a week where I can go and enjoy something I really like and not worry about it.
I charged up my new BodyBugg last night and this morning I plan on getting it set up. It will work with my cell phone. I also want to check out "My Fitness Pal" as I have heard a lot of good things about it as far as tracking goes. I ran into a person at Costco one day who had the this new BodyBugg and she told me that she was using a trainer at 24 Hour Fitness but she was tracking her food through My Fitness Pal and subtracting the calories from what her BodyBugg said to get her deficit. She said that she loved it more than using the BodyBugg program. She told me that their data base was bigger. I think that I am going to check it out.
I am planning to return to the gym today and face JD. I'm not looking forward to it. I still in my sick head don't want to move but I know deep down inside that I need to. I'm still rolling around in my head to change trainers. He told me last week that he was going to have Karina call me but that hasn't happened yet. I think that today I will call the gym and get the gym manager to set up a meeting between us when JD is not in the gym. I'd like to talk to this girl since she has lost a lot of weight and that is what drove her to become a personal trainer. I need someone who can relate to what I'm going through. This is hard!
More later!
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