A Quick Catch Up!!!

I thought I would get out here and do a quick catch up of the week!  It has been another whirlwind.

My meeting with Dr. Michel went well.  It got pretty emotional as I talked to her about the possibility of what I went through with Weigh Down Workshop and the cult Remnant Fellowship.  OMG the feeling and emotions that roared up from my inner core.  How that experience has really played with my inner core is so, so sad.  I almost wailed talking to her about it.  We talked about my faith and it really showed just how damaged I really am.  I feel like God hates me, I feel like I will never be good enough to go to heaven.  I feel like my greed of food will send me to hell.  Yet a part of me wants to believe that I have been saved by grace and I have been forgiven from my sins.  I feel like I am on tight rope.  Dr. Michel said that this has absolutely had a play into all of this and we are going to take a closer look at it all.  I felt like a scum-bag as I left her office.  I did ask her if she thought if this was something that I should go back to Anna for and let her work with me on it and Dr. Michel told me no that we would do the work there since also involved the eating disorder.

I didn't get my homework done for my group on Wednesday night so I had to fake it.  I know that Stacy sensed that I hadn't done it.  I have really been disappointed in this group "Mindful Eating"  I feel like too much time was spent on DBT's (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and very little on Mindful Eating.  I've gotten more out of my CD's than group.  That is sad.  Yesterday Kathy told me that Stacy had touched on Mindful Eating by what Susan Albers suggested they cover from her workbook.  Susan Albers and Dr. Michel are friends.  I told Kathy that I think they should have a DBT group that covered DBT more in-depth and a group of Mindful Eating that talked about it more in depth.  Next week is the last week and while I have learned some I feel like I haven't learned a whole lot and I'm not sure if I would sign up again.  I don't want to hurt Stacy's feelings but I have to call it like it is.  To me it was a waste of $300 and all the gas and time driving out there.  It was nice however to meet Elaine and to know that I'm not the only person that is on this journey to recovery from Binge Eating.

My visit with Kathy was short yesterday because she was meeting a friend for lunch.  Whatever.  I do have to gripe a bit that she just decided to cut me short this week so that she could go and meet up with her friend.  I don't think that is very professional.  Of course she adjusted her cost but man I don't enjoy driving for an hour for a 30 minute session and driving home for another hour.  Enough said.

They all seem to be honing in on my anger that is caused from interpersonal relationships and how it drives me to eat.  I do realize that and I have realized it for a long time.  In group we discussed this in general but Kathy and Dr. Michel have really discussed it with me.  I have to break this.  Everyone is suggesting that I have a list of things to go and do when this strikes that will keep me from binging.  We discussed this list in group this week.  One of my favorite things to do is to buy gifts for other people.  But in my present circumstances where it is hard for me to grocery shop, getting out to buy gifts is difficult as well.  I'll have to spend some more time on the list that Stacy gave out Wednesday night.

I also have a rant about Mike.  Remember him?  He's back to his same ol' crap.  You will be amazed at how I deal with him.  If he doesn't stop his crap he is going to take the final hike out of my life.  He is a real problem.  Kathy hates him and wants him gone.  Dr. Michel hasn't really discussed with me but I know Kathy has talked to her about it.  Stacy doesn't know about him.  (Lucky her! LOL!)

So...there you have a short quick run-down of my week.  Today the maids come t 8:00 a.m. and I have a hair appointment at 11:00 a.m. and family should start arriving around 3 or 4.  So...let's let Mark's Birthday weekend begin...  I'll be back Tuesday or Wednesday after Stacey goes home!