Over A Week Later...

I have had a rough week.  Just remember I'm dealing with some health issues I haven't written about, plus my laptop is going to pot on me.  Some of the keys are sticking so I am typing with 2 fingers to slow down enough to catch them.

I stopped seeing Anna around Christmas time.  The therapy with Dr. Michel had become pretty tense at times.  I have learned so much about myself through Dr. Michel and I would not trade those sessions for anything!  The biggest thing I learned was the misinterpretation of things being said to me in conversations.  My parents reminded me that when I first started learning how to read I would leave out words and add words to make the story be what I wanted it to be.  They told me all my teachers complained about it and in order to advance to the 4th grade I had to take reading in summer school.  I've learned now how to totally focus on a conversation and if I'm not sure about my interpretation to repeat what I heard by saying "Let me make sure I'm following you or Are you saying..." whatever is appropriate and it sure has made my life better!

With binging I have learned to stop and ask myself questions.  Sometimes it doesn't take but a couple that will stop me dead in my tracks.  Here are some of the questions that I ask.  I don't ask in an particular order it is what comes to my mind at the time:

Is it worth it?
Is it going to change my circumstances?
Who is it going to hurt?  Me or them?
How are you going to feel after you eat it?
Do you really want to do it because it will only hurt you?
Why don't you go and find something constructive to do?

I found if I really sit and answer the questions honestly I see how stupid a binge is because no one wins.  A binge only hurts.  It hurts you and food just isn't that important!!!

I have finally learned that food is fuel.  My favorite quote now is:

Life itself is the perfect binge! ~ Julia Childs

Isn't it amazing a person who was an amazing cook knew that Life is a better binge than food!  Think about it!  I now have a beautiful cutting board that I found on Etsy that has that quote on display in my kitchen.

After the first of the year when I was dealing with my foot infection Dr. Michel really started pushing the issue of me going to a treatment center.  All I could think was "Why?".  I was making progress I was happy where I was at.  I told her that I wanted to try the private Chef and see how it goes.  She agreed to put it off till March.  All of our sessions from there seemed like she wanted to pick apart everything I said.  Every session I asked myself "Why am I doing this?" yet I couldn't quit.  The sessions grew to almost feel abusive and then I started realizing that I needed to take a break from it all.

Now you realize this built over 3 months and not as quick as you just read.  I didn't have my sleep study yet.  I'm scheduled for tomorrow night.  I have an appointment in the morning and tomorrow afternoon I have some things to do to get ready for the maids on Friday.  I should be able to write again on Friday.  My next post I will tell you what has happened to me medically.  It has rocked my world.  I hope you will come back to read.

Oh Geeze! Where do I start?

Well, I got over my leg infection and then had to get my crohn's back in shape as always.

I did stop seeing Kathy because she became more of a source of aggravation than the money was worth.  I had grasped Mindful eating so I started to question what was I paying her for.  She moved to wanting me to read books on Intuitive Eating that we would discuss each week Chapter by Chapter and Intuitive Eating is so similar to mindful eating I felt it was a waste of my time.  She also started getting on my nerves because I would show up for an appointment and she was late or had to cut my time short for one reason or another.  I also was pretty peeved after a year of working with her my weight was higher than when I started and when I expressed concern I felt like all I got was "it will come" and "don't obsess about the number".  It was driving me crazy. 

Another thing that has happened is we hired a Personal Chef to prepare 4 dinners per week.  Friday-Sunday we cook together or enjoy a meal out.  Is it expensive?  We thought it would be  but we pay $300 Chef Fee (got a discount because our Chef lives really close) plus groceries.  The Chef is preparing low-fat, low cal and low sodium entrees and sides for us.  She is amazing and we wished we would have done this a long time ago.  No more fighting about what we are going to eat!  Everything is fresh and clean!  She does the menu's which we select from, shops and cooks.  So for about $750 a month it is money well spent.

I know this is short today but this catches up with the food side of my life.  I have a sleep study tonight and a Dr.'s appointment tomorrow and possibly my Remicade if I get released for it in time.  I will write some more tomorrow or Thursday and I'll catch you up with Dr. Michel.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!  I'm fighting my way back!

Has It Really Been This Long?

I'm sorry!  I knew it had been a while but NOT this long!

A lot has happened in the last 4 months!  A lot!  Life has been a whirl wind and lots of changes.  Good ones.  Lots of good work in therapy.  I have not binged since Christmas!  So I am now considered in Recovery!  So there is some good news.

The rest?  You will have to come back next week and I start you on the journey to fill you in.  Right now I'm stuck in the hospital right now for the 2nd time in 2 weeks.  It's serious but you all know I'm a fighter and I will win!  Don't worry it's not cancer!

I know you have noticed I have changed the blog and I hope you like it. Check back on Monday and I promise to be out here more consistently!