I'm Back Once Again...This Time For Good

My post on my Facebook page:

I made a decision. Joining WW in the morning. Researched their new program and I believe I can make it work with all the awesome instruction I received from my life-changing health coach this year. One who has taught me to believe in myself, vision what goal will be like and to believe it, superb nutrition counseling which I don't doubt or question. Very importantly how to let go of coaches, mentors and trainers who abused me mentally and to forgive them! She also was a vessel who God used to heal my spiritual life and to understand how much God loves me and how much I need to depend on Him and Him alone!

I've missed the structure and camaraderie WW brought to me from 2004 through 2011. Now to get after it and to save my life! I'm ready for the journey of permanent change!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!

So...in the morning I will be going to get my materials and to get my week planned.  At this point I'm not sure what day I will get going but it will be as soon as I can get a week planned and the groceries I need to get started.  

I'm ready...I'm almost back to my highest weight.  It's o.k.  What matters is I've found my determination. I'm ready to live...I for sure am not ready to die...I'm ready to depend on God to give me what I need each moment to succeed.  This will be HIS STORY!

Big Decision!

I've tried.

I've tried to come out here and write and share and I've failed.  My heart just isn't into blogging anymore.  I'm blogged out!  I guess I've shared for so long (since 2007) I'm shared out.  I feel like I need more.  I need more interaction.  I want encouragement.

I spent the last week really thinking about this and I've decided to shut this down.  I may change my mind at some point in time or I may decide to change this into a life blog about what I love to do.  I just don't know.  I'm just tired about writing about weight loss.

What I have decided to do is start a weight loss support group on Facebook.  It will be a closed group so you have to be invited by me to be a part of it.  I have several friends who want to commit to helping and supporting each other...encouraging...because this battle is hard!!!

So...if you want to be a part of the group, leave me a comment and give me your Facebook name and I'll friend you and send you an invite!

I'm hoping you will!

Can't Believe It!!!...

I'm sick!

I was cold all day today and tonight the horrible chills started again.  (I couldn't write last night so I'm back dating this!)

Here is Part 5 to my newsletter:

Fat Loss Problem #5: Your Diet

If you consistently eat the wrong food, then you're weight loss efforts will all be in vain.

To put it bluntly, you need to stop eating junk.

Processed foods, refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup do not belong in your diet if you want to be in great shape.

• Cut these items out of your diet and replace them with real whole foods like lean meats, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and fruits.

• Don't eat processed foods. Even though processed foods are accepted by our society, they contain tons of chemicals and empty calories that will make you sick and fat.  If the food comes in a bag or box -- avoid it!  That means drive-thrus and pizza delivery, but also all those so-called "healthy" snacks or food items you can find in the center aisles of the grocery store!

• Fat - even the healthy ones like nuts and avocados - contains twice the caloric density of protein and carbohydrates, so make sure to limit the amount that you consume. Eat lots of lean proteins and wholesome carbohydrates from plants and whole grains.

• Vegetables, dried meats, fruits, nuts and seeds are filled with fiber and antioxidants which are vital for healthy weight loss. Snack on these instead of packaged treats.

I'm not sure if I agree with all of this.  I eat all the avocados I want.  I love them and they haven't stopped my weight loss!  I don't eat grains except Quinoa and I don't eat nuts.  At least for now.  I do believe this with processed food and SUGAR!

Hopefully today will go better and the fever will stay away.  Hopefully I will have something to write about!

Later!  Pray for me!

Here we go....

Part 4 of the newsletter:

Fat Loss Problem #4: Your Commitment

How many times have you tried to lose weight, only to give up a week or two later? We live in a commitment-phobic world, so it's no wonder that you routinely abandon your goals.

If you truly want to lose weight then your commitment to the process is a must.

• The margin between success and failure is bridged by your commitment. Don't give up until your goal has been achieved.

• Treat exercise with the same importance as a work meeting, and you'll never skip it at the last minute. Find three available 60-minute time slots in your schedule and mark them (in pen) on your calendar. Now stick to your schedule.

• If you don't give up, then you'll never fail.

Are you committed?

I am.  I swear even though I'm floundering, I will not give up.  I will win this battle!!!

I texted Michael today and told him I was struggling.  He didn't call me right back but he did call me this evening and we talked.  He told me not to lose the fact of how far I've come.  70+ lbs in less than a year.  That is nothing to be ashamed of.  I have come far and I will continue.  I told him I really had wanted to lose 100 lbs within a year of being so sick.  He told me that we could do it.  If not by the end of March we could by the first part of April.  He said he was changing some things.  He said that he would get with Janet and go over things and make some changes.  He told me that we would talk on Sunday.  He also wants me to push my steps up to 3,000 a day as much as my foot will tolerate.

Oh boy, here we go!

Stay tuned!!!

Excuses!

Here is Part 3 of my newsletter:

Fat Loss Problem #3: Your Excuses

Your excuses for being out-of-shape are getting old. An excuse takes less immediate effort than an action, but in the long run the action taker always has the advantage. Don't allow excuses to ruin your life any longer.

• Don't skip out on your responsibilities with excuses, instead expect more from yourself.

• Focus on the big reason why you are losing the weight. Make a list of the benefits you'll enjoy once you achieve your goal, and read them first thing each morning.

• Remember that you can only have two things in life: excuses or results. Which do you want?

Have you been around someone that did nothing but make excuses?  oes it make you as crazy as it does me?  OMG!  You want to get on my last nerve...start making excuses...one after another after another...and then make an excuse for making excuses!

I have a friend whose life is just that.  Hates her circumstances but just wants to bitch and moan about it and not want to do anything about.  She can some up with the best damn excuses.  Wants to lose weight but just can't.  She rolls around her house in a oversize office chair because her knees hurt.  Can't eat right because of limited funds but has 2 people living with them.  One is her daughter's boyfriend and the other is her niece who makes $50K a year rent free.  Her husband is going to school at near 60 and has never really held a job.  They live on her disability and money he gets from a school loan that they will have to pay back.  I got caught up in her circumstances in the beginning, helped financially, loaned one of my computers to them which I probably will never get back because doing so means I have to go get it.  I never want to go back to their house after they told me the story how snakes get in all the time.  I could write a year long blog listing excuses coming out of her mouth,  Some are real doozies!

I know we all can make excuses from time to time.  It is normal.  I do it.  I'm sure you have too.  But for nothing but excuses that come out of your mouth something is majorly wrong!  I can sit and recall just my last conversation with her a week ago.  I want to scream!  I can't because my Mom... I can['t because we don't have any money...I can't because they eat all the meat...I promised my sister before she died I would help her daughter get on her feet...I can't charge her rent because I promised Evelyn...We can't put the puppy out because Lokie would try to kill it...I can't go to the Dr. cause we on't have any money...GET MY DRIFT?

Please kill me if I ever get like this!!!!!!!

I want action in my life!  Do you?

Busy Day!

I did make it to the gym today and got a real good work out!  It felt good!  I was the only one in the class and Justin worked me hard.  I was tired when we got through.

I thought my hair appointment was tomorrow but as I left the gym I received a text message reminding me it was at noon today!  I hurried home changed clothes and barely made it.  My hair looks good though and it is nice not to have my bangs hanging in my eyes.

My eating was not good today as I grabbed a sandwich for lunch because I was starved and it was after 2:00 when I got through with my hair.

I did get a short nap in late in the afternoon and Mark and I were busy taping and watching our Tuesday shows.  We are tired and ready for bed now.  Tomorrow is laundry and the gym again!

Here is another part of the newsletter I got from Downsize:

Fat Loss Problem #2: Your Fear

Change makes most of us nervous – even if it is a change in the right direction. You may not be consciously aware of the fear you have of getting into shape. Until you conquer this fear, your weight loss efforts will be blocked by self sabotage.

Professional speaker and author, Anthony Robbins outlines three specific beliefs that you must have in order to conquer your fear and instantly create a lasting change.

• Believe that something MUST change.   

 You can't be wishy-washy about it. You can't be considering it. You can't even be pretty sure about it.You've got to be rock solid in your belief.

• Believe that YOU must change it.

You can't pass the buck of responsibility and expect to lose weight. It's on your shoulders. Other people will prove to be great assets in your journey, but in the end you are the one who is going to make it happen. You have to want this weight loss enough to make it your personal mission.

• Believe you CAN change it.

You may have failed in the past, but that doesn't matter. When you put your mind to it, you're able to do amazing things. Do you believe that you are capable of losing weight? Once you own the belief that you can, you'll be unstoppable.

I do have fear of the unknown.  I really need to work on this.  What am I going to look like?  Will I be able to live with all the loose skin if I can't get approved for skin surgery or have the $$ for it?  I know my focus needs to stay on getting healthy.  Sometimes it hard.  Also being nearly 60 my skin is already looking bad.  Why did I let this go on for so long?!!!!

Do you have fear?

Share with me.  Please!

Cold!

I was cold all day long and I kept trying to think of those who are dealing with snow and frigid weather.  Not temps in the upper 30's and 40's!  But I had a hard time staying warm,

Today was a laundry/cleaning day.  I also did my hair and got a little stitching done.  I'm grateful that my eating is getting better each day.  Hopefully this week I will have a better weight loss.

Wait!  Did I post Sunday that I lost a whopping .8 lbs?  Miracle!  I promise that was a gift from above but I will take it!

I did get a news letter today from Downsize and I want to share it.  I'm going to do it in parts so that it can soak in because I think it is important.  Here is part one:

Can't Slim Down?  Here Is Why...

Wanting to lose fat, and failing at it, is one of the most frustrating experiences ever.

One or several of the following 7 Fat Loss Problems may be what is standing in your way of fat loss.  Keep reading to find out how to quickly and easily begin reshaping it all.
 

Fat Loss Problem #1: Your Mind

Your mind is your number one ally when it comes to achieving your goals. However, until your mind has been programmed for success, it will do more to derail your efforts than to help you.

• Take a few moments each day to visualize yourself at your ideal weight.Imagine how it feels to look the way you've always wanted.

• Protect your mind from any negative self talk. If a negative thought comes to mind, immediately reject it.

• You want to be slim and fit, and yet you think of yourself as out-of-shape and fat. Re-program your mind to think of yourself as fit and attractive, and you will be well on your way toward achieving your goal.

• Give up the belief that you can't achieve the body you've always dreamed of. See it first in your mind, and then in the mirror.

I can tell you this is huge!  I've been working at this and it is so important!  It took me weeks in the beginning before I was able to look myself in the eyes and tell myself that I was going to be ok, that I was beautiful and I loved myself.  Then I told myself that I was worth it!  Belief does change you!  Without belief you will never change!  Read it again...Belief does change you!  Without belief you will never change!  Thank you Michael!

I also promised to share the recipe that I made Saturday night.  Here it is and it is excellent!

Spanish Quinoa

(Serves 4 as a main dish, 6 as a side)

• 1 tablespoon olive oil

• 1 large onion, chopped

• 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 cup quinoa, rinsed well

• 14.5 ounces can diced tomatoes with green chilies, un-drained

• 1 cup water or low-sodium vegetable broth

• 2 teaspoons chili powder

• 1 teaspoon ground cumin

• 1/4-1/2 teaspoon Himalayan sea salt (use less if using vegetable broth)

• 1 cup frozen green peas

• 1/4 cup green onions, sliced

1. Heat oil in a deep skillet over medium heat. Add onion, bell pepper, garlic and uncooked quinoa. Sauté, stirring occasionally, until the onions are soft and the quinoa is golden, about 7 to 9 minutes.

2. Add tomatoes, water or broth, chili powder, cumin powder and sea salt. Cover and simmer for about 20 minutes, or until the quinoa is cooked and the liquid is absorbed. Remove lid, add frozen peas, and simmer until any remaining liquid evaporates and peas are heated through.

3. Garnish with green onions.

It makes a delicious meal as is, but you can also try adding a can of rinsed and drained pinto beans at the same time as the green peas, topping it with 1-2 eggs cooked to your liking, or adding in cooked shredded chicken. My favorite way to eat it is with a sunny side up egg and avocado.

Now what I did is I made the recipe but I added a drained and rinsed can of black beans and I baked a pound of chicken breasts and I cut it into bite size pieces and added them when the recipe said to add the green peas.  It was delish and will be repeated often!

I found the recipe at the following link:

http://girlbikelove.com/2012/01/healthy-recipes-spanish-quinoa/

This girl's recipe won a contest that Whole Foods put on.  I've made it plain and took it to my niece's house to go with chili and everyone wanted the recipe.  It is so good!  If you have never tried Quinoa this would be a good way to do it!  Just remember to always wash Quinoa 3 times soaking in in a fine mesh sieve in a bowl of water till the water is clear.  It gets rid of the funky taste.  Do it even if it says it has been pre-washed!!!  It hasn't and it does make a difference!!!

Enjoy!

Catch Up!

Sorry about this!  We ended up watching movies till 3:00 in the morning.  We didn't wale up till after 10 this morning!

Saturday was spent doing some cooking, watching TV and cross-stitching.  I did finally make a recipe that I wanted to do at Thanksgiving, put it off till Christmas and still didn't get it made.  I guess today was the day and here is the recipe.  It is clean and boy it is good!



Paleo Pie Crustprint

• 2 cups blanched almond flour
• ¼ teaspoon celtic sea salt
• 2 tablespoons coconut oil
• 1 egg

1. Place flour and salt in food processor and pulse briefly
2. Add coconut oil and egg and pulse until mixture forms a ball
3. Press dough into a 9-inch pie dish
4. Bake at 350° for 8-12 minutes

Makes 1 pie crust

I must tell you to spray your pie plate with Pam or grease it with some coconut oil as my piecrust did stick!  I also did not pre-bake this pie crust.



Paleo Pumpkin Pieprint

• 1 (15 ounce) canned pumpkin puree (or 1½ cup homemade pumpkin puree)
• 3 eggs
• ½ cup coconut milk
• ½ cup honey
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• ⅛ teaspoon celtic sea salt
• 1 Paleo Pie Crust, unbaked

1. In a food processor combine pumpkin puree, and eggs
2. Pulse in coconut milk, honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt
3. Pour filling into Paleo Pie Crust
4. Bake at 350° for 45 minutes
5. Allow to cool then refrigerate for 2 hours to set up

Makes 1 pie

My filling was thicker than the picture.  It filled a 9-inch pie plate and that is what I recommend you to use.  Mine did not cook in 45 minutes, it took over an hour.  Next time next time I will cook it about 15 minutes at 425 degrees and the lower the temp to 350 for 40-50 minutes till knife inserted in the middle comes out clean.  I hope you will try it.

One other thing.  I think the next time I make it I will add just a little more cinnamon.  Mis the filling without the eggs and taste it to see what you think!

Here are the links that I found for this pie.  I want to give credit to the creator and author!

Crust:

http://elanaspantry.com/paleo-pie-crust/

Pie:

http://elanaspantry.com/paleo-pumpkin-pie/

I don't want to load you up with recipes on this blog post so I will share tomorrow what I made for dinner!  It was delicious!  I don't think I've posted that one!

Today was a lazy day!  We watched TV, didn't cook which means my eating was off a bit.  We did make good choices though.  I cross-stitched while we watched the Oscars and I had to rip it all out because I was off but I did get it all put back in.  I am starting to hate this angel!

Tomorrow is going to be a busy cold day!  I am getting back to the gym!  Thank you Grover, Melanie and Justin.  I also have to get up early to wash my hair!

Better get some sleep!

Till tomorrow!

No Blog Today!

We have company and are watching movies.  Can't blog right now so tomorrow we will have a double header with a awesome recipe to share!  Pumpkin Pie!  It's legal and delicious!

Stay tuned!

I made it!

I'm back on track!  At least with food!  Now to get my water consumption back up!

I did some errands today and washed clothes and cleaned up the kitchen so I did have some activity.

You will never believe what Grover's proposal was to me!  I'm still in a state of shock.  Back before the gym opened Grover stayed in touch with me telling me the progress of the gym.  One of our conversations was about me getting my money back from 24 Hour Fitness for training sessions not used.  It was about $1500.  I wanted to donated it to Downsize.  He was touched and shared with me that one of his desires was to have a fund that could help people who really could not afford the gym membership and if I donated the money he would call it the Laura Nichols Fund.  I was touched but I didn't want my name attached to it.  I wanted to be anonymous.  So the Dream Fund was born even though I did not get my money back nor made a donation.  We also talked about one day making it available to members to donate to to give back.

Grover told me that they have reached the point in the membership of the gym that there are funds in the Dream Fund.  He told me that he and Melanie were in town this week and met with Justin and talked about who should be the first recipient.  Here is the shocker.  He told me Justin spoke first and brought my name up and said that I should be offered the help.  I couldn't believe it!  I thought Justin hated me after me telling Grover all the things that he did that irritated me.  Things changed with him after that conversation last Fall.  I'm still in shock that Justin brought my name up and I can tell you this touched me to the core!

I accepted because I do need the gym.  I need the financial help during this tough time and as Mark and I can recover from having no commission check.  Grover told me that they will do this for 6 months and will re-evaluate it then.  If I still needed it they would continue it.  He said for doing this they would want me to do some videos for Facebook and Instagram.  I will do that.  He told me that they missed my smiling face and my great attitude in the gym!

I'm touched beyond words!

Mark and I talked and we know if things happen like we think they will we can get back to paying for my membership and will donate back to the Dream Fund what has so graciously been given us.

I'm really speechless...

GAK!

That is how I feel today.  Horrible eating day.  It is what it is.  I'm just looking for excuses to be bad.  How crazy is this?  Stupid!

My neighbor called last night because they needed my help taking Srijah to the clinic that she is shadowing a Dr.  It was my excuse to go through Whataburger for biscuit sandwiches and hashbrowns.  My punishment was not to have lunch.  Dinner was fried mushrooms, onion rings and fried shrimp.  I'm sick.  It's my own fault but I am ready to draw a line in the sand and stop this insanity.

I did bake chicken for my quinoa spanish rice and I also made Canned Tuna Ceviche.  Oh my!  I tasted it and it is so fresh tasting with the lime and veggies in it.  I can't imagine once the flavors all meld together.  They will be awesome lettuce wraps with avocado on top!  It is another recipe from Skinny Taste and I haven't had a response from Gina so I can only post the link for now.  I don't want to get into copyright issues!  So here it is:

Canned Tuna Ceviche

I hope you will check it out and give it a try!  A good friend of mine wrote me yesterday and told me that she subbed green onions for the purple onions and she left out the jalapenos.  She said that she added a can of rinsed and drained white beans and I bet that would be a great addition!  It would also tone down the recipe for people who don't care for jalapeno.

I did wash dishes and washed towels today so I was active.  I had a nice little nap today too.  I don't know why but I'm waking up at 4:45 a.m.  What is with that?  If it happens tomorrow I will fight through taking a nap and see if I can sleep to a normal time.  I'm sure eating like I am is part of the reason.  I do feel like a slug and I don't have the energy that I did when I ate clean.

Tomorrow will be good!  I've drawn my line...PARTY OVER!!!

Better Day...

I actually had a better day.  Not perfect but tons better!

I did see Dr. Aygarko and it was a interesting visit and I think that now I understand carbs are not my friend.  They just cause problems.  Dr. Aygarko says I need to avoid them as much as I can for now.  To be very careful.  She encouraged me to do some research on how carbs affect the body.  She claims there are a lot of books out there.  I'm going to do that.  She also told me that it will not always be this way (avoiding carbs) but that right now they just cause wild cravings and make it hard sticking to this program.  I will share as I look into all of this.  I am motivated to get back on track so that is good!

I did take a long nap today so nothing got done.  I'm still tired.  Maybe its all the bad foods lingering in my blood stream and/or my body trying to rid itself of them.  Anyway, I'm tired and not feeling the greatest, so I'm cutting this short and hitting the hay!

Praying tomorrow will be a even better day!

Don't Understand!

I don't know why I can't get my act together but I can't.  Another day full of bad food choices.  This is getting to me.  Starting to feel depressed.

Helped my next door neighbor this morning by taking her to a Dr.'s office.  They are from India and Srijah is a Dr. in India but has to pass a bunch of tests and do a residency here in the States to be a Dr.  I think she has just decided to go and be a PA here.  She will be good.  She is a very sweet and caring young woman.  Her and her husband have been wonderful neighbors!

You know I just don't have a whole lot to write about.  I really didn't do anything.  Slept some.  Pest Control guy came and sprayed the house.  Ate sausage, egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast, banana for lunch and KFC for dinner.  What to do?

I heard from Grover today.  He owns Downsize and he wants to talk to me on Friday about a proposition he has about the gym and the membership I cancelled last weekend.  All I can say is "Oh brother!"  I'm not crazy about the gym except when Patty is there.  I can't stand his son Justin! Period.  He is a lazy creep!  Sorry but I believe Grover would faint at his attitude in that gym!

I also closed a Pamper Chef catalog show tonight and I was able to get some things I needed.  It was probably the least amount of money I have ever spent!  Less than $40.  I forgot to talk with the consultant about a couple pieces of cookware that have some chips in them.  I'll have to call her back tomorrow.

Speaking of which, I see Dr. Aygarko tomorrow.  She will not be happy with me but maybe she will be able to help me get my head back in the game!

I hope so!

Pray for me!

Bummed

I'm so bummed over out finances.  Three months no commission.  Money in savings is almost gone.  Cancelled gym membership.  Wondering and worrying what else we can do.  Pray it gets better.  Pray that my husband will look at trying to find a better job.  I knew in my heart when he took this position at this new shop that things could go south.  It has.  Not enough work being done and a manager taking work from employees knowing he will not get paid for them.  I just don't know what to do.  I'm so sad and worried.

Crock Pot Picante Chicken and Black Bean Soup is delish!!!

This recipe can be found at:

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/01/crock-pot-picante-chicken-and-black.html#more

Gina!!!  You are the best Chef around!  I adore all your recipes!

I have contacted Gina to see if I can post her recipes and her pictures here with a link back to her site.  If she approves I will come back and add it to the post.  I don't want to break any copy right laws. She has this posted on her site :

Legal

Pinterest Friendly - Yes you can pin my photos!

Unless otherwise noted, all content and photography is © 2008-2013 Skinnytaste, Inc. All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce any text or photographs without my prior written consent. For inquiries regarding the use, reproduction or purchase of photography seen here, please email me at ginah2design@gmail.com.

Hopefully she will write me back.  I had contact her back in the days of my website and she allowed her stuff to be used as long as there was a link back to her so hopefully I will get permission to do so.  I helped her when WW totally changed how points were calculated by giving her access to Mark's e-tools.  I hope she will remember me!  Otherwise, use the link about and check out this recipe.  It is so easy, hearty and GOOD!!!!!  It will be a recipe that I will make often!

I did well with my eating today till dinner.  Mark came home not feeling well.  He didn't eat but went and got me bad food.  Whataburger.  Not his fault.  I requested it.  What is going on with me?

Disgusted.

No Title...

I couldn't think of one for today.  Nothing would come so it is what it is...

Today was weigh in day and I lost .2!  After all that I have been eating, this is a blessing!

I did find 2 new recipes for the week.  Both came from Skinny Taste.  They are:

Crock Pot Picante Chicken and Black Bean Soup and Canned Tuna Ceviche that will be eaten in lettuce cups.  Mark did the grocery shopping and I just got finished putting the soup on to cook during the night for lunch tomorrow.  If the recipes are good I will post the recipes and/or links to the recipes.

Today we slept in till almost 10 and then remembered that we didn't have any eggs so we ended up with Breakfast Tacos for breakfast, Patty Melts and Fries for lunch and Pizza and brownies for dinner.

Can you spell S - I - C - K?

I am.  I feel the filthy food in my body, I feel drugged, I feel awful!  I truly feel like I'm on drugs!!!!  I hate this and to think this is how we use to eat all the time!  Everyday!

The party ends today!  I just hope I can sleep tonight!

Before I close I have something to share.  I have really been growing sick and tired of the same old selections of food.  I really would rather go full Paleo but that will never clear with Michael.  Today I posted the following:

I'm bored, bored, BORED with lunches! I need ideas! Very clean eating, no sugar, no bread (wheat), grains! HELP! Starting to feel like a puppet!

I got lots of suggestions.  Some I can use and many I can't.  But it was so sweet and precious to me that friends reached out to me.

Janet, my mentor posted this:

 Food does not have the power to entertain or excite. Food is fuel for your body. Life is for entertaining, excitement, energy, and building relationships. When bored....go for a walk, volunteer at a charity, read a book to feed your soul, find a new hobby. If you give all that power to food, you give up control of your life, my dear.

Now she peeved me just a bit.  It was not what my post was about.  She seems to always read more into my words than what I'm saying.  I responded:

 Maybe bored wasn't the right word to use. Food doesn't have to excite me but for lunches we seem to eat the same thing over and over and over. Just looking for something new to try.

Then Michael posted.  He is so powerful with words.  Here is some food for thought:

Laura, remember this one thing , there's power in words. For example, “ I'm bored. Does anyone have any suggestions” ..how about saying “I'm so excited about the results I've seen so far! Can I ask any of you for some great suggestions for more clean eating recipes etc, etc” ...You are the result of the words you speak and the thoughts and actions you do. Love you!   Be very carful of words you choose. Thoughts are only thoughts, but when you put words to your thoughts, like saying “I’m bored, bored, BORED” , only then will your life become boring. Your mind will believe what you say. 

It won’t matter what anyone will suggest recipe wise, you’ll still be bored. Change your thoughts, change your actions, change your behavior. that's my recipe for your new eating program Love YOU!!! Now start loving You By the word you choose xoxoxoxo

Now I'm going to try and sleep.  Thank you Lord for new days and another chance to do better!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Not much to report today!

Just spent the day hanging out with Mark watching TV, wrapping embroidery floss onto bobbins.  Exciting huh?

29 years ago Mark proposed to me!  Love the memories.  Seems like yesterday!

Tonight Rae came over and we had Chipolte bowls and watched 3 movies.

How did you spend your day?

Tomorrow I have got to get things ready for the week!  I have to!  I'm out of control still.  Pray I can draw the line in the sand.  I feel gross...like a slug!

Crazy Upsetting Day!

Talk about Friday 13th!

Distracted from what I said I was going to do. (work on menu and new recipes)

Spent too much time on Facebook with decisions regarding my next cross-stitch project.

Maids were suppose to come between 3 and 4.  Changed to between 5 and 6 because the lady before me added extras.  Then another call that it would be 7!!!!

Mark did not get a commission this month AGAIN!  We can't go on like this!!!  We can't make it on $2700 a month!  Our mortgage is half that!  My car is $469!!!  Figure out the rest.  I cried till I couldn't cry anymore.

I called Grover to cancel my gym membership.  I can't afford it!  Did he call me back?  No!  I'll have to call the bank and cancel the charge to my card!  He better call me tomorrow!  He knows we are struggling!  This makes me mad!

I blew lunch.  I spent a lot of time in the bathroom with a very sick stomach.  I had a chocolate shake.  I REALLY HATE DAIRY!!!

I blew dinner (mexican)

I ate brownie crisps.

Need I say more?

Yes, it was my decision and my decision only to blow it.  Yes I paid for it in the worse way...SICK!  I accept full responsibility for my actions.  I alone will suffer and accept what I did when it comes to weigh-in day.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Today is over.  Tomorrow is a fresh new day and a full 24 hours to make good decisions and do what my body really likes and that is clean eating!

Going to bed!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Rough Day!

Today was the day to get the house in order for the maids and I decided to get my supplies to start another cross-stitch project with a group of ladies on Facebook.

Getting the house ready was easy peasy!  Looking for the supplies wore me out.  I thought it was all loss till the evening when I decided to look one more time and found it in a plastic envelope face down in a drawer in the media room closet!

When I thought it was all lost I called 3 Stitches and my friend the owner was rude to me and for the last freaking time.  I've had it with her!  I will never go in there again.  I will be buying my supplies from a competitor a block away or on-line.  She has lost so much business because of rudeness.  She can't even get people to help with the shop because she is so gruff and rude!  I'm really pissed off as I have been nothing but kind and helpful to her and the shop from the conception of it!  Catering events, working in her home pricing things before it ever opened.  She is a fabulous teacher but a horrible business owner.  She cares more about rubbing elbows with the designers and suppliers than taking care of customers!  Rant over!

I had a good breakfast today but I was so busy looking for the pattern that I ate a banana for lunch.  I was so frustrated I almost got in the car and went and got a hamburger!  I fought through it.  Mark worked late so he brought home BBQ and while it is ok, the potatoes were not.

We move on!

Tomorrow is maid day.  It will be a good time for me to menu plan for the week, prepare a grocery list and get prepared so that there will not be any miss-ups!

I promise I'll share it!

I Made It!!!

I had a successful day and made it back to eating clean!  Now to stay clean!

It wasn't easy!  I had to stay busy so I cleaned house, washed clothes, put away laundry and I cross-stitched!  It worked!

Now I just have to continue to fight through the cravings till all the sugar and chemicals are gone!!!!

I did spend some more time working on this medical/insurance mess.  I was able to talk to some people that weren't puppets and are going to work on this nearly $5,000 hospital bill.  It seems the bill was not submitted as a emergency.  It was!  Aetna is going to ask the hospital to resubmit it as an emergency.  The billing department at the hospital is getting involved as well.  Also the billing department is sending me a itemized bill and told me if there were charges left after Aetna pays correctly there may be some more discounts they can give me.  I just want it to go away!

The employer mess is still a mess and my email was ignored today.  That pissed me off!  If this isn't fixed this week we are hiring an attorney because of the time restraint on getting the claim filed timely with the correct insurance.  Dr.'s office is saying we will be responsible.  I don't think so.  They are or Baker-Nissan is!  PERIOD!

Watched a dumb show tonight on TLC about a woman who hates fat people and went out to prove that losing weight is easy and fat people can lose their weight by eating less and moving more.  I was boiling mad through the whole show.  I was happy that by the end of her little challenge she did not reach her goal!  Stupid Broad!  Did any of you see this?

Wish me luck tomorrow!  My eyes are slamming!

Catching Up!

This has been a crazy few days.  I just couldn't write, then got busy and yesterday was Remicade and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Let's start back at Sunday, weigh in day.  I was up!  I gained 3.6 lbs and knowing my body like I do there is some fluid retention involved.  Eating out and processed foods contain lots of sodium and my body doesn't handle it.

I was still pretty upset on Sunday and still emotional over my conversation with Michael.  I still feel the need to work on building my own support group.  Not sure how to do this but I need to figure something out.

I started the day out back on track and made it through lunch and then fell off the wagon at dinner time.  I hate the feelings and emotions that I'm going through.

Monday...

I saw the mail on the kitchen counter and found a letter from the hospital and a bill from a Dr.  Apparently Aetna did not do what they told me they were going to and that was review the claims from last year's hospital stay and reprocess the claim.  The hospital is looking for nearly $5,000.  GAK.  The Dr. bill is a balance for co-pays after filing with our old insurance company in 2013!  When it rains it pours!

I spent the morning on the phone with Aetna and the Dr.'s office.  I found out from the Dr.'s office that they could not refund the claim back because the insurance was still in effect!  What?  We terminated the Cobra coverage back in December 2013!  Long story short Mark's ex-employer did not terminate him with the insurance company and have been paying for Cobra premiums!!!!  OMG!  Now the problem is getting this straightened out and getting these claims reversed before the 6 month time limit to file properly with Aetna!  My head hurts.  I have been on the phone a lot.  My mood has been awful and food has been my emotional comforter.  BAD!

I did meet a old cross-stitch friend for lunch on Monday and it was a great thing to see her and to get a way from the mayhem around here.  I did not eat breakfast and while we ate at a Italian restaurant I ordered and grilled shrimp salad with fat-free italian dressing and only ate half of it.  I was going to take the other half of the salad home but I left it there.  I can tell you by suppertime I was hungry and cratered into a 3 piece KFC dinner with potato wedges and green beans.  It made me sick.  Too much grease!  Oh my goodness, food really does play into how you feel.  I'm back to no energy, my mood is down and I want to eat thinking that food will make me feel better.  It won't!  I know that!  I need to get back to CLEAN EATING!

Went to bed sick!

Tuesday...(today)

I spent more time on the phone with the Dr. office before rushing to get ready to leave for my Remicade appointment.  I was almost late.  Too bad for me I didn't have time for breakfast so I grabbed a bottle of water and a banana and headed out the door.

When I get my Remicade they give me Zyrtec and Tylenol as premeds.  Sometimes they give me the generic to Zyrtec and today it was the regular and that stuff knocks me out.  It didn't take 30 minutes and my eyes rolled back into my head and I slept the whole time I was there.

I was starving when I got out so I ate my banana and drank my water before leaving the parking lot.  It got me almost home before I pulled into Whataburger and got a Patty Melt, fries and a lemon pie!  See I'm doing bad behavior again.  I guess I didn't learn last night.

For dinner Mark brought home BBQ and I did nothing but sleep.  When I went to bed I felt like I had a 100 lb. weight in my belly!  I felt really sick.  I have got to turn this around!  I have to dish these emotions of things that are out of my control and get back to eating right.  Boy is it going to be a rough few days or week but I have to do it!

It begins in the morning!  Pray for me!

OK! I'm late!

I see y'all checking in.  I haven't had a chance to write yesterday's post.  I was going to sneak it in this morning but I was caught up with phone calls (Dr. and Insurance companies) then I had to get ready to meet a friend for lunch.

I need a nap.

I will do double duty tonight!  Check back tomorrow ok?

Thanks!

Kiss And Make Up...

Not really.

I heard from Michael this morning and got an apology that he hasn't been better about being in touch.  Got a talk about how at times he might not be here and Janet won't be here and how I need to rely on my faith and rely on the Lord.  That I need to scream out at the Lord.  That was the jest of the conversation.  Oh and I told him how yesterday was horrible and he said that it was o.k. that he even has had days like that but it's what I do with it is important.  He said it is important to break that train of thought and get back to it.  Not to let one bad day derail everything that I have done,  I agree.

I can't tell you how close I came to not even taking his call.  I picked up my phone and said "I don't want to talk to you!" put it down then picked it up and answered.  I was still just a little pissed so my attitude wasn't the greatest.  I mainly just listened.

Did I get back on track today?  No.

Will I?

Read on...

My anger pity party continued.  We slept so late that we skipped breakfast and had BBQ for lunch.

I had a 2 hour conversation with my neighbor Rae about things going on in her life and what is going on with Michael and Janet.  I told her that I need to develop a new support system here locally.  Don't know how but I need to.  Wish I had more friends.  I guess I'm too much a recluse.  Rae told me about many times I called or texted her and saved her from blowing it.  She told me that she is always there for me and would support me.  I appreciate it.  Now to be able to get along.  I think I'm learning to deal with her mood swings.  I know when to retreat!

I told her that I was going to make everything on Michael's Essential list available to myself.  What I'm restricted on is cinnamon and fruit.  I'm not a big fruit eater anyway but I'm sure when my body is screaming for something sweet a selection of a few more things other than apples and blueberries would be nice.  Of course anything else will have to wait on Michael and Janet.

Tonight we decided to go to Del Pueblo for fajitas.  We have been wanting it so we figured we would end our party with going there.  What a learning experience it has been, this excursion that we have been on!

1.  Whataburger tasted like a salt lick.  It wasn't liked I remembered.  Fries were too greasy and nauseating.  Ketchup was too sweet!

2.  Salsa at Del Pueblo had a wang to it.  It use to be our favorite.  We would clear 2-3 bowls of it.  Tortilla chips were too greasy and disgusting.  I use to go for the shiny ones.  Greasier ones.  YUK!

3.  Fajitas was tasteless.  Flour tortillas were greasy and tasted like they looked...flour mixed with lard!

I had a bite of beans and they were tasteless and I didn't eat the rice.  I stopped at 2 fajitas.  We both said to each other in the car that we would not do that again.  We then talked about how having salmon, sweet potatoes and veggies was so much better!

We learned a lot!  Eating frenzy is over.  Back to good, fresh and homemade foods.  Clean eating is the only way!!!

I'm learning!

Decisions...

I felt a little better today but had a upsetting day.

I'm really stumped as to why I don't hear from Michael anymore.  I sent him this text:

"Good Morning.  Hope you have a good day. Did you know we haven't talked in a month? Just text.  Is that bad?"

Nothing.  No response, no nothing.  All day long.  How would that make you feel?

I really don't know what to think,  I know how I feel and it is not good.  This is not what I signed up for.  This man called me and offered to coach me.  For weeks I heard from him twice a week.  If I had questions I got answered.  I was told to read books and he even sent me a book and 109 days later, no calls, no response to questions. Nothing.  Well I think that will be my last text.  No more pictures of food because truthfully I don't think he looks at them or even cares.  Hope diminishes.

I didn't eat breakfast today, I ate lettuce wraps and tried to be good.  By 3:00 I was in my car at Popeye's getting chicken, fries and a biscuit.  I ate it.

I felt awful.  I didn't know what to do.  I tried to reach out to Janet.  I sent her a personal message through Facebook.  It said:

Maybe it's because I'm sick but I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I haven't talked to Michael in at least a month. A few text messages but nothing like in the beginning. Maybe I am expecting too much. I feel lost at time with what to do. Honestly I have felt many times taking the essential list and selecting from all the items. I'm 109 days into this and I'm feeling down and lost. It must be great to connect with him there and so many others that are doing it. I feel a real struggle coming on. I have been fighting through it but some days I just want to throw up my hands. Am I expecting to much?

Nothing.  No response.  I can see that she read it but no response.  As time ticked by I felt more alone, more like a failure, didn't know what to think or how to feel.  A bit pissed off yet extremely hurt.

By the time Mark called to tell me he was on his way home, he asked me if he needed to go to the store for anything.  We discussed what we needed and he asked what I wanted for dinner and I told him "Whataburger".  He chuckled and offered to cook salmon when he got home.

He took a long time at the store and called me on his way home and I told him just to stop and bring Whataburger home and he did.

It didn't stop there.  He bought some truffles and honey roasted peanuts.  We watched movies.

I don't know what is going to happen.  I just know right now I'm hitting the hay.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

What Is Wrong With Me?

I woke up during the night with those horrible chills again.  Got under a sheet, cotton blanket and 3 layers of fleece throws and socks and shook to death!  Mark let me sleep in and that was nice.

I didn't have a appetite most of the day and only felt cold a couple of times.  My temperature is running in the 96 and 97 range, below normal.  I have no aches, pains, sore throat, congestion.  Nothing.  What is wrong with me?  Why does this keep happening.

I cancelled my lunch for the 2nd time with my friend and I truly feel bad about it.  We are going to try again on Monday.  Hopefully that will work out.

I joined a group on Facebook where there is about 30 of us who are going to stitch the same pattern together.  It is called Santa of the Forest and it is a beautiful piece.  It looks like this:



Isn't it beautiful.  The designer said this about the piece which I thought was neat:

When I first did this Santa, I gave him an armful of toys. The toys and ribbons were beautiful, but sort of meaningless. When removing fur on his cape, I thought of replacing the toys with animals. The first animal I thought of was a dove of peace. Then I added a little bear, symbolizing Russia. The wolf represents countries that have violent governments and use this violence to survive. The gentle brown rabbit is caught in the middle but looking towards peace. The wise spotted owl sits near the head of man in hopes that he will find wisdom before it is too late.  Santa's staff represents history, a guide for moving forward. The fabric of his robe became the forest and trees and stars. His colorful mittens represent the children of the world, extensions of the wise person.  This design represents a gathering of nations towards world peace as well as respecting the environment. Pretty neat huh?  Anyway, I'm anxious to get going on it! I didn't feel like eating today, in fact I didn't eat anything till mid afternoon and then I had my turkey sausage, 3 eggs but only 1 yoke.  I just picked at dinner.  I wasn't feeling nauseated, just didn't feel like eating. I'm a bit discouraged right now.  Not much contact with Janet and Michael.  Not sure why but it is making me feel neglected.  I hate the feeling.  Don't know what do about the feelings.  Maybe it's because I'm not feeling well.  But the fact is I haven't had a phone conversation with Michael in over a month.  We use to talk twice a week. What to do?

Made It Today...Barely...

I managed to get up and see Anna and we had a good visit.  It is hard to believe that I'm at the point that I feel like I can go a month before I see her again.  She will always hold a dear place in my heart, she has opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself!

I dropped some CD's by Karen's house to her daughter-in-law Lluvia and we got too chatty and I missed my class at the gym.  I went home changed clothes and had Oriental Chicken Lettuce Wraps and then go way too long winded over cross-stitch with my friend Penny.  She is the one that I'm doing the angel for.

Mark and I had Minestrone Soup for dinner and just watched TV till Rae called and needed Mark to help her with a noise her car was making.  Turns out she needs brakes.

We sat up a bit and had some tea and went to bed.  I'm still not feeling very good.  I hope tomorrow I feel better.  It's back to the Woodlands to meet Dianne for lunch.

Pretty boring!  Hope something lights my fire soon!

Little Better!

I think!

Still not feeling the greatest but hopefully each day will get better.  I hate this because I was so on fire about moving and getting out and working on getting my steps up more on my Fitbit.  Now I feel like doing nothing!

And today I didn't do much.  I made some sweet potato hash browns and managed to make some Minestrone Soup.  I had to do a little at a time but I got it done.  I ate well for breakfast and lunch but I cratered at dinner and have some KFC chicken with green beans.  That's going to kick me really good till I get it out of my system.  I already feel it.

I have not slept well either.  Have laid still but not really sleep.  Not sure what this is all about.

Today I heard from a friend that I'm trying to cool it with.  I like her but she drags me down.  She is overweight, has bad knees and a beg of excuses on why she can't do anything about it.  I have really tried to be a friend and encourage her, help her, bought her things, basically done all that I can and I just can't deal with her anymore.  I can't bring myself to call her but I guess if she calls me I'll be nice.  I hate that.  Why do people make excuses?  They are a waste of time!

I also won a cross-stitch pattern in a group on Facebook.  That was great!  It is a angel sampler.  I can't wait to get it.  One of the members had a extra copy of it and just gave it away.  She has 2 others that she is going to do the same thing with.  One I would love to win and the other I already have.  I also joined a Stitch A Long (SAL) group to do a cute pattern called Santa of the Forest.  I need to get out my pattern and go and get the supplies by March 1, the day we all begin.  There is over 30 of us.

Tomorrow I have Anna and I'm going/hoping that I can go to the gym.  This icky/dizzy feeling needs to go!  I also would like to surprise Mark and make some stir-fry veggies with quinoa.  I haven't done that in a long time.  I made up the recipe and if I get it done I will write down what I do and share it with you.

Thanks for being patient with me.  Hopefully I'm on the mend.  I'm ready to be better!

Sick!

I have vertigo and nausea so bad.  I just don't feel like writing today.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  Going back to bed.

Forgive me please!

Drum Roll!!!!

Down 4.8 lbs!!!  44.8 total since working with Michael (Oct. 20) and 74.8 since last April!

I am so excited!!!!

I also woke up not feeling well.  What is with that?  I did not do anything today but sleep, eat, watch TV (you have to watch the Superbowl, right?) and stitched a little bit.  I did not get any cooking done so that means tomorrow will be crazy!

I am scheduled to go to the gym twice this week, I have an appointment with Anna and hopefully lunch with a friend.

I haven't looked for any new recipes for the week either.  I guess in all of this I have learned that it is not good to stay up till nearly 3 a.m.  I guess I'm getting to old for that!

I really hope I'm not getting sick again!  Feeling a little nauseated and light headed.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!  So this is so short and boring!

I'm going to bed!

Long Day!

Got up prepared to get to the gym, but it didn't happen.  I was tired and I slept late leaving me not enough time to get Mark's breakfast cooked and out the door and get myself to the gym.  Frankly as I thought about rushing there for the nutrition class I talked myself out of it because with what I'm doing it really doesn't pertain to me.  Downsize has a totally different approach with weight loss and knowing what I do know I don't agree with it.  But that's me and I'm sure it will help others.  I then just decided to stay home and get some things done which I did.

Mark got off work and he took my friend Rae and I to lunch and then to Penzy's spices.  By not going to the gym I was able to make a list and get what I needed instead of getting things I might not use.  We had a good time.  Rae is so funny about spices.  She is on a real limited budget and she bought her favorites but really wanted more.  I could tell.  We did score on two free spices.  We got their new Roasted Garlic and Frozen Pizza Spice.

We dropped Rae off at her house and we came home grabbed a short nap, less than a hour, and get ready for her to come and have dinner and watch movies.  It ended up being a very long night!  In fact I had to back date this because we were up till nearly 3 a.m.  I was exhausted and couldn't write!

Well later tonight I will reveal the results of my weigh-in and the happenings of the day.

I'm feeling like I need a nap!