Decisions...

I felt a little better today but had a upsetting day.

I'm really stumped as to why I don't hear from Michael anymore.  I sent him this text:

"Good Morning.  Hope you have a good day. Did you know we haven't talked in a month? Just text.  Is that bad?"

Nothing.  No response, no nothing.  All day long.  How would that make you feel?

I really don't know what to think,  I know how I feel and it is not good.  This is not what I signed up for.  This man called me and offered to coach me.  For weeks I heard from him twice a week.  If I had questions I got answered.  I was told to read books and he even sent me a book and 109 days later, no calls, no response to questions. Nothing.  Well I think that will be my last text.  No more pictures of food because truthfully I don't think he looks at them or even cares.  Hope diminishes.

I didn't eat breakfast today, I ate lettuce wraps and tried to be good.  By 3:00 I was in my car at Popeye's getting chicken, fries and a biscuit.  I ate it.

I felt awful.  I didn't know what to do.  I tried to reach out to Janet.  I sent her a personal message through Facebook.  It said:

Maybe it's because I'm sick but I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I haven't talked to Michael in at least a month. A few text messages but nothing like in the beginning. Maybe I am expecting too much. I feel lost at time with what to do. Honestly I have felt many times taking the essential list and selecting from all the items. I'm 109 days into this and I'm feeling down and lost. It must be great to connect with him there and so many others that are doing it. I feel a real struggle coming on. I have been fighting through it but some days I just want to throw up my hands. Am I expecting to much?

Nothing.  No response.  I can see that she read it but no response.  As time ticked by I felt more alone, more like a failure, didn't know what to think or how to feel.  A bit pissed off yet extremely hurt.

By the time Mark called to tell me he was on his way home, he asked me if he needed to go to the store for anything.  We discussed what we needed and he asked what I wanted for dinner and I told him "Whataburger".  He chuckled and offered to cook salmon when he got home.

He took a long time at the store and called me on his way home and I told him just to stop and bring Whataburger home and he did.

It didn't stop there.  He bought some truffles and honey roasted peanuts.  We watched movies.

I don't know what is going to happen.  I just know right now I'm hitting the hay.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.