Long Day!

Got up prepared to get to the gym, but it didn't happen.  I was tired and I slept late leaving me not enough time to get Mark's breakfast cooked and out the door and get myself to the gym.  Frankly as I thought about rushing there for the nutrition class I talked myself out of it because with what I'm doing it really doesn't pertain to me.  Downsize has a totally different approach with weight loss and knowing what I do know I don't agree with it.  But that's me and I'm sure it will help others.  I then just decided to stay home and get some things done which I did.

Mark got off work and he took my friend Rae and I to lunch and then to Penzy's spices.  By not going to the gym I was able to make a list and get what I needed instead of getting things I might not use.  We had a good time.  Rae is so funny about spices.  She is on a real limited budget and she bought her favorites but really wanted more.  I could tell.  We did score on two free spices.  We got their new Roasted Garlic and Frozen Pizza Spice.

We dropped Rae off at her house and we came home grabbed a short nap, less than a hour, and get ready for her to come and have dinner and watch movies.  It ended up being a very long night!  In fact I had to back date this because we were up till nearly 3 a.m.  I was exhausted and couldn't write!

Well later tonight I will reveal the results of my weigh-in and the happenings of the day.

I'm feeling like I need a nap!

Fun Day!

Today was a fun day!

I didn't go to the gym because I decided to meet my stitching friend Karen for lunch because she needed the extra floor stand I have for my Dazor lamp.  We met at Cheddar's and had so much fun talking and catching up.  I just love her to pieces.  She is so much fun!  I hate to say it was a two hour girl chatty lunch!  We need to do it more often, but we need to go each other's house and stitch and yap!

I rushed home because the maids were suppose to be here between 2 and 2:30.  They did get here till 3:30.  There were 4 ladies who cleaned and they got this house cleaned in just over 30 minutes.  Why does it take hours and days when we do it ourselves?  I know...because we think we have to do a spring cleaning every time we do it!  LOL!

I did text with Michael this evening and I got a food added back!  He told me I deserved it.  I can have 3 slices of centered cut pork bacon once a month!  Woo Hoo!  That will be a awesome treat!

We had dinner and I cross-stitched while Mark watched a movie.  I sort of watched too.  I just love Denzel Washington!  Incredible actor!

Well tomorrow is another fun day!  Gym, Penzey's with my friend Rae then dinner and movies with Rae tomorrow night.  We had so much fun last weekend, we decided to do it again!

Now, what to cook?

Blown Away! (Wednesday and Thursday)

On Wednesday I blew myself away!  I got all my wife duties out of the way, showered and dressed and headed to the gym.  Patty was there and I was a happy girl.  I can't stand training with Justin.  I found out that Patty is working more and someday will be doing all the classes and possibly running this gym when they open their 2nd location!

I was limping because my knees were hurting pretty bad.  Patty told me about a product called "Hot Hemp Muscle Rub"  It has a nice cinnamon smell and does not smell like Ben-Gay.  The company that makes it is The Merry Hempsters and the product is sold here at Whole Foods and Amazon carries it.  Anyway, I put some on my knee and this stuff heated up and the pain went away!

Ready for this....

I did 2 classes back to back!  That is a hour and a half of exercise!!!  Yay me!!!!!

I was tired when I got through but I still pushed myself through the day and are you ready for this?  I took 3410 steps and burned 2998 calories for the day!  I was pumped!  Sore but excited.  Since Janet set that goal of 2000 steps a day it has lit my fire once I accomplished it!  I want more!  She has now challenged me to get to 4000 steps by Sunday.  That might be hard to do because a cold front is coming in along with rain.  I'm still going to try!

I did stitch some on Wednesday, washed clothes, dishes and general house chores.  We watched TV and I went to bed tired!

Today, I woke up tired and sore.  I moved my gym class to tomorrow because I felt the need to soak my feet.  So here is the funny...I fell asleep soaking my feet, watching TV and woke up 4 hours later!  No breakfast and so much to do and my feet were in cold water.  I just laughed out loud at myself.  I got my shower and got dressed and I ran to Post Net to mail a package to a fellow stitcher in South Africa.  She bought a kit out of my stash and I had promised to get it mailed to her.  Once I got home I had breakfast for lunch and finished getting the house ready for the maid.

Here is a update picture of my Angel of Mercy:

Isn't she getting pretty?  I have a long way to go but it feels good to be doing something that I love to do!

Tonight was the Biggest Loser Finale and you all know how much I love that.  I was shocked at who won but was happy for them.  The "At Home" winner was a surprise too!  So happy for changed lives!  I can't wait till my weight loss shows like that!

Well tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.  I must hit the hay!  I'm truly sorry I missed a day.  I'll try really hard to not let that happen very often.  Are you shocked as to how much I've written this month.  I was really trying for everyday.  Wednesday messed me up but we will go for every single day in February!

Be good and stay strong!

On And Off!

The scale!  Why do we do this?  It drives me crazy but after this little gain over the last 2 weeks I'm on and off the scales.  It isn't moving and it is driving me nuts!  I don't like going the wrong way even though I know it's going to move and I will be surprised when it does.  I asked Michael today if I could take a break from the scale and his response was "We'll talk about it."  Doesn't sound like he is going to let me do it.  I just want to put it up in the attic for the month of February and concentrate more on my training and meal planning.

Speaking of meal planning.  I had the Chicken Lettuce wraps for lunch today.  Oh my stars they were awesome!  Better than P. F. Chang and Pei Wei!  I'll have to get the picture off my phone, but here is the recipe!  They are easy to make as well!

Sesame-Ginger Chicken and Lettuce Wraps

Ingredients:

• 1/2 lb. Chicken Breast, skinless, boneless, small diced
• 1 tbsp. Olive Oil
• 1/4 cup Shitake Mushrooms, chopped
• 1 can 8oz. Water Chestnuts, drained and chopped
• 1/4 cup Carrot, shredded
• 1 tbsp. Green Onions, sliced
• 1 tsp. Ginger Root, chopped
• 1/4 tsp. Garlic, chopped
• 1 tbsp. Rice Vinegar
• 1 tbsp. Tamari Soy Sauce without (Gluten) (You can use Soy Sauce)
• 1 pkg. Stevia Powder
• 1/8 tsp. Red Pepper Flakes, crushed
• 1/4 tsp. Sesame Seeds, white or black
• 1 tbsp. Cilantro, chopped
• 6 Lettuce Leaves of your choice. (I love using slightly steamed Kale! - Janet's choice)

Preparation:

• In a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray, cook chicken in 1 tablespoon oil for 3 minutes; remove from skillet. Add the mushrooms, water chestnuts, garlic and ginger; cook 4-6 minutes.  Add chicken back to skillet.
• In a small bowl, whisk the vinegar, soy sauce, stevia and red pepper flakes together. Stir in the
carrots, onions, and cilantro and add to the chicken mixture. Cook for 2 minutes.
• Spoon onto lettuce leaves; sprinkle with sesame seeds and fold sides of lettuce over filling and roll up.

Try them!  You will love them!  I like the filling so much I bet it would be good over fresh spinach as a salad!  Must try that!  Today I worked around the house and I'm getting into this house cleaning.  We'll see how it goes.  I may start thinking about letting the maids go and doing it myself.  Just a little nervous about my knees and feet being able to handle it but I am ready to tackle cleaning out closets and drawers.  Spring cleaning here I come!

Today I took 2,173 steps and burned 2663 calories.  Not bad.  I'd like to get those steps up to 3000!  I was hurting today really bad so I'm proud I broke 2,000.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day and I can get close to it.

Tomorrow I may make my Quinoa with stir-fry veggies.  I made this recipe up but I think I can make it into a recipe as it is really good as a side dish.  I use red and orange bell peppers, onion, garlic, asparagus and mushrooms.  Garlic and ginger too!  YUM!

We'll it's late and I'm ready to hit the hay!  Tomorrow is gym day!

Busy! I think It Felt Good!

Today was a busy day!  I got Mark off to work with breakfast and lunch, washed dishes I don't know how many times, 4 loads of laundry done and almost put up, thawed meet for dinner, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and made the filling for Chicken Lettuce Wraps!  I also met Doreen for lunch and it was absolutely wonder to be able to catch up with her!  She looked great and I'm so blessed that she has come to be part of my life!  A real sweetheart!  Today I took 2504 steps and I burned 2734 calories.

I know to a lot of you that is a normal day but for me to have accomplished that much was huge.  It felt good but it killed my feet and knees!  What is going on?  The last time I was at this weight I had no pain.  Now it feels like I'm dying!  Oh what have I done through years of being obese.  What good has the binges done?  Has it been worth it?  NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  Oh how I wish I could take it all back.  For the first time in my life I'm truly learning that food is fuel.  While it can be enjoyable that is no way to look at it.  Our culture is really sick!  We are too centered around food!!!  We put way too much emphasis on eating!  Food kills and it wrecks lives!  It has wrecked mine and I am the only one to blame.  Just me!  Not my Mom, Dad, other family members, friends.  Just me!  I lift that fork to my mouth and I have made the decisions!!!

Well, I can't go back for a 2nd chance but I can undo what I have done and that is exactly what I am doing.  I'm going to close with 2 You Tube videos that hit my Facebook page yesterday.  The first was posted by my Michael Banks, my dear coach and friend.  I'm telling you this is not him speaking but this is how he thinks.  Listen carefully and tell me if this doesn't impact you to change!

The second one is a huge wake-up call as to what is happening in this country with not only our children but ourselves.  Tell me if this doesn't make you want to think about what you put in your mouth!

http://www.realfarmacy.com/5-year-old-girl-consumed-1460-sodas-in-her-short-lifetime/

May the decisions I make each day bring me back to life and health!  I want it!!!!

Do you?

Oops!

I gained 1.8 lbs this week.  I'm ok.  It will be gone next week.  It feels so good to be able to handle a gain and not feel depressed over it, to dread being yelled at or asked why?, to be called a liar and the list goes on.  Remember Mike?  Have I told you lately how glad I am to no longer have him in my life?  I'm such a happier peaceful person.  He was a huge mistake!  Oh well, water under the bridge. So I texted Michael to give him my stats.  I actually went over my 2000 steps by 598! I burned 2681. Want to know Michael's response?  He texted me back and said "Wow Laura that is Simply Amazing!"  I then told him about our friends at Hubb Mitsubishi and he texted me and said "Wow Laura I have a huge smile on my face as you're telling me this."  What a difference.  Nothing said about the gain. NOTHING!  It's time to move on and rock it this week!

I did do some cooking today.  I made the Minestrone soup!  It is a crock-pot recipe and I'm telling you the smell will run you out of the house!  It made the house smell divine!  Can't wait to have it for lunch this week.  I won't have it tomorrow because I'm having lunch with my good friend Doreen.  I haven't seen her for months and I can't wait to see her and catch up.  Tomorrow I will get the Chicken Lettuce Wraps made.


Here is the recipe for Crockpot Minestrone Soup:

Crockpot Minestrone Soup   Print Prep time 20 mins Cook time 8 hours Total time 8 hours 20 mins 

A simple crockpot minestrone soup with no beans or pasta. You can leave out the pork for a vegan meal.

Author: Kendra Recipe type: Main Cuisine: Italian Serves: 6-8 

Ingredients

2 Tbsp Olive Oil 

1 Yellow Sweet Potato, I USED REGULAR SWEET POTATO

diced 1 cup Carrots, 

diced 2 Celery Stalks, 

diced 2 Zucchini Squash, 

diced 2 Shallots, 

diced 2 cloves Garlic, minced 

28 oz Chicken or Vegetable Broth  I USED CHICKEN

28 oz can Diced Tomatoes w/ Juice 

½ cup Frozen Spinach -or- 1 cup packed Fresh Spinach, chopped I USED FRESH SPINACH

2 Bay Leaves 

2 tsp Oregano 

1 tsp Basil 

1 tsp Parsley 

¼ tsp Cayenne Pepper 

¼ tsp Sea Salt 

1-1/2 lb Ground Pork Sausage (optional)  I USED ITALIAN TURKEY SAUSAGE HOT, YOU CAN USE THE SWEET TOO!

 Instructions Place the olive oil in the bottom of the crock pot. Add the prepared sweet potatoes, carrots, celery, zucchini, shallots, and garlic to the crock pot. Pour in the chicken (or vegetable) broth. Add the entire can (including juice) of diced tomatoes. Add the frozen spinach (no need to thaw and drain, just add it frozen). Add in the oregano, basil, parsley, cayenne, and salt. Stir everything together, add the bay leaved, cover, and cook on low for 6-8 hours (I prefer 8 hours). About 2 hours before the soup is done, brown the ground pork sausage, breaking it up into small pieces with the back of a wooden spoon. Once the pork is cooked through (no pink), add it to the crock pot and mix it all together. Remove bay leaves before serving. Notes Recipe adapted from the "Paleo Slow Cooking" book by Chrissy Gower  

Read more at:  

http://www.ourpaleolife.com/2013/02/crockpot-paleo-minestrone-soup

I hope you will try it! 

I also made some sweet potato hash browns to go with our eggs and sausage this week. I haven't made them in a long time.  They are yummy too!  I just cube up some peeled sweet potatoes (4) and dice an onion and season them with salt, pepper, garlic powder and some red pepper and cook them in a couple tablespoons of olive oil.  

I did cross-stitch some today and we watched a movie this evening. It was so-so.  Finding Forrester, with Sean Connery. I stitched during it so I really only listened to it and looked up every once in a while. LOL!  

I did not hit my goal of 2000 steps because my feet and ankles really did ache.  I did get in 1422 and I burned 2522 calories.  Not bad but I'm hitting the gym every day this week and I will be striving to meet or exceed my 2000 steps!

Do you have any goals this week?

Till tomorrow!         

Busy Day!

I'm tired!  Slept in a little bit this morning, caught up on Facebook, grabbed a shower and headed to go and see our salesmen at Hubb Mitsubishi.  When we got there our salesman George was outside.  When he saw me get out of the car he just started hooting.  Such a great feeling!  I needed that.  He could hardly believe it was me.  He has never seen me at this size.  We walked into the dealership and went to his office and he started clapping when I sat in a chair with arms on it with no problems.  He proceeded to tell me that when Ed the sales manager got back he would be so excited for me.  We all just chatted until Ed got back and he was really happy for my weight loss.  It all was such a good feeling!  We visited for a while longer till they both had to take care of customers and we left.

We were starving because it was nearly 4 in the afternoon so we stopped for a BBQ sandwich.  No, I did not eat the bread just the meat inside and then we headed to Sprouts for a little grocery shopping.  You know that is a neat store.  I loved their meat counter.  It reminded me of a large Trader Joes.   They make their own chicken sausage several ways.  I bought some hot chicken sausage for the Minestrone that I plan on making tomorrow.  We hurried home because I needed to get dinner started since Rae was coming over for dinner and movies.

Mark ran to another store while I put up groceries, packaged meat through the Food Saver and started the Cabbage soup.  When he got back he helped me finish getting the house ready.  Yesterday Janet had told me that today she wanted to hit 10,000 steps on her Fitbit.  She challenged me to get up to 2000.  Just before Rae got there I was about 400 steps away from goal.  I texted Janet to find out she met her goal and I told her I was shy and was running out of time.  She told me to push it and get it done, so I started walking all around my house going room to room trying to get them in.  When Rae got here I went to answer the door and I stepped outside and told her to take a quick walk with me.  She too was going on and on as to how good I looked and we walked to the corner and back.  Bad thing, I was barefoot!  We called Janet and had her on speakerphone and we stopped to check my stats on my Fitbit and I met and exceeded my goal!  It pumped me up!  A little later I was deflated because I couldn't walk because the pain in my ankle and foot!!!!  GREAT!

We had our soup and we watched a couple of movies and between them we had some fresh strawberries and I showed Rae how to whip coconut milk.  It is amazing!  Here is a link to it:

 http://ohsheglows.com/2012/08/30/coconut-whipped-cream-a-step-by-step-photo-tutorial/

The only thing that I do is put the can upside down the the refrigerator so that when I turn it right-side up the cream is on the bottom and the liquid substance is at the top and you can pour it off.  Try it.  You will love it.  I have used Coconut milk will Guar Gum and it still worked.  I hear you can buy cans of the coconut cream at Trader Joes but their warehouse has been out since Thanksgiving.

Well we watched movie #2 and Rae has gone home.  It is really Sun. morning.  I couldn't write at 2:00 a.m. so I back dated this post.

Comeback to see what today brings.  OK?

Finally!!!

My fever broke!!!  I'm a happy girl!

I didn't do much today scared it would come back!  When it broke I thought I was never going to stop sweating or get cool!  It took awhile.

It was another cold day and drizzled all day till around 5 and the sun broke through.  We are suppose to have a beautiful weekend!

I did ask my neighbor Rae to come over for dinner tomorrow night and we are going to watch some movies.  So I do have things that need to get done!  I plan on making my cabbage soup since it is cold outside.  A new minestrone soup is also calling my name but I may make it for lunch this week.  I'll post that recipe when I make it and try it.

I played on the computer most of the day and learned some good cross-stitching tips on You Tube.  There are so many good things on You Tube!  Don't you think?

I also started reading a magazine that Newsweek came out with this past summer on The Body.  This book is full of great information and tips.  I will share things with you as I read.

I have cut back on my Stevia intake and you know what my wild cravings have subsided.  There must be truth about artificial sweeteners/natural sweeteners making you want more.  My challenge to you is to get off sugar and artificial sweeteners.  You will feel better and I guarantee you will lose some weight!!!!

Lots going on tomorrow, including surprising some friends who haven't seen me since I started working with Michael Banks.  Hope they are surprised!

I've got to hit the hay!  Can't wait till tomorrow!  I'll have lots to write about!

OK Already!!!

Still sick today.

This will be short and sweet because I slept a lot and did not do much.  I even didn't eat a lot today.

When I wasn't asleep, TV was a bore.  I was too cold to stitch too!  It rained all day long and that may be why I slept.

How long will this last?

Bear with me!!!!!

When Will This End???

Made it to the Dr. and all she could tell me was that my body is trying to fight off a virus.  Great.  No symptoms.  Just fever and I feel bad when it spikes!!!!!

On the way home I did pick up a side salad from Chick-Fil-A without cheese, 12 grilled nuggets and brought it home and mixed it up with a avocado and some balsamic vinegar and some olive oil.  It was good.

I fell asleep watching TV and woke up with chills and feeling awful.  Mark cooked a delicious salmon dinner and we Watched "My 600 lb. Life".  One word...heartbreaking.  I worry that Penny will die before she wakes up and tries to help herself!!!  I just ant to cry.  I wish I could talk to her!

It is hard to write this blog when you feel bad and aren't doing anything.  LOL!  I'm ready to get back to living and doing my thing!  I hope tomorrow the fever will not rear it's ugly head!  I'd love to be able to get some things done!

What did you think about the Kangaroo boots?  I seriously want a pair.  They look like so much fun!  Mark gave me the weirdest look when I showed him the video.  We both agreed that I need to wait till I'm out of the 300's before we make the investment.  I promise you I will own a pair sometime this year!  Anyone going to join me?

Oh yeah, I did learn something new today from the Dr.  You know I've been wanting to be able to add something back to the program and Janet and Michael both ignore my requests?  Well since we have had several cold days where the temp didn't get out of the 40's and I started drinking a lot more Lemon/Ginger herbal tea, the 2 packets of Stevia just may be the culprit!!!

She reminded me that Stevia is a natural sugar and we know that my body doesn't react right with sugar.  She about flipped when I told her I was having about 10 packets of Stevia per day!  She thinks that is what is causing me to be unsatisfied with the program and wanting bread and such.  She told me this too!...get ready because this will blow your mind...There have been rare cases that artificial sweeteners have been know to raise an individual's blood sugar!  Can you believe?  I will watch the Stevia!  She told me once a day and see if things don't get better.   She also told me to stop look at food for pleasure and to remember:

Food Is Fuel!!!

Keep me in your prayers.  Till tomorrow.

Still Sick!

Still dealing with spikey fever!  I'm so glad I'm seeing the Dr, tomorrow!

I just slept off and on all day.  When I wasn't sleeping, I watched some TV.  I hate this!  I don't have time to be sick!

I really don't have much to say.

Saw this on Facebook today.  Looks like fun.  I'll have to check this out.  If it will support my weight I bet it would be less impact on my feet and knees.

Check it out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yw182XAhgM


Hoping for a better day tomorrow!  Sorry so short!

What Happened???

Today started out great.  Got Mark off to work, worked at getting things finished up for the maids, scheduled a lunch date next week with a dear friend and then all of a sudden...

I'm sick!!!!

I was talking to my niece Meredith and I started feeling really cold.  I needed to wash my hair so I jumped into the shower and turned the hot water up and I just froze to death.  I couldn't stand to have a body part not covered by the really warm water.  I had the hardest time getting my hair washed and the longer I was in the shower the more nauseated I became.

I managed to get out and get dried off and got my hair up in a towel and I got under a blanket in the media room shivering to death.  I couldn't move I had the dry heaves! I called Mark and I was shaking so bad I could hardly talk, I was stuttering all over the place.  I felt like I couldn't move.  What was going on?  Mark was going to try and come home to help me but everyone in his office was no where to be found!  He said he would call and check back on me.  He called the maids and cancelled because I was so sick.  It was weird.  It was out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks!  I managed to get my hair dried and got back under the blanket and just shivered.  I managed to take my temperature and it was 100.7!  

Mark called me back and I was still stuttering and I knew I had to get to the Tylenol.  I managed and I got some socks on my feet and back under blanket.  I called him back and told him there was no need to come home.  I felt a little sleepy so he agreed to call and check on me in a couple of hours.  I did fall asleep and I woke up about 2 1/2 hours later hotter than hell and had to turn on the ceiling fan because the fever broke.  I've not had fever since but still don't feel the greatest.

What could be wrong?  I didn't even feel like stitching.  What is with that?

I also didn't eat today.  Just wasn't hungry.  Hoping tomorrow will be a better day!

My Dad got transferred and he's in ICU but improving.  I knew they should have moved him on Sunday.  Pray for all of us!

Beautiful Sunday!

Today was a beautiful day!  The high today was 70!  It was sunny and awesome!  Perfect weather for me.  Shame it can't be like this year round!  Maybe Heaven will be like this!

I got some bad news this morning.  My Dad had his 2nd knee replacement surgery and the first thing that happened was an attendant said it was o.k. for him to eat a full meal.  Well that made him sick, throwing up and nauseated.  He is still dealing with nausea and not eating much.  Well his blood pressure dropped to 55 and he has gone into A-Fib.  He had an ablation many years ago to correct it so why is this happening?!!!!!  They have gotten his blood pressure stable at 110 but he is still in A-Fib.  He is in a small private hospital and this place HAS NO CARDIOLOGIST!!!!!!!  They brought in a flipping Internist and THEY HAVEN'T CALLED HIS CARDIOLOGIST!!!!!  I'm beside myself being 200 miles away!!!!  They are saying if he is still in A-Fib tomorrow they will transfer him to a larger hospital.  I guess then they will call his cardiologist!  WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH TRANSFERRING HIM TODAY!!!!  I'M SO FURIOUS!!!  Sorry to be yelling but PLEASE!!!!!  Both my Dad and Mom think that they are taking good care of him.  Oh to be in my 80's and dumb!  My cardiologist sent me straight to the ER when I was in A-Fib, they started me on a blood thinner and I was monitored very closely.  They have given my Dad aspirin.  He use to be on Coumadin.  My cardiologist told me that aspirin will not thin the blood enough with A-Fib.  I feel like once they notify his cardiologist he will flip out!  If anything happens to my Dad I will sue the crap out of them!  Rant over!  Please, please pray for my Dad!

All of Christmas is packed up and in crates and stored in the garage!  Yea!  No cooking done today but we did get in a Costco run and a short nap.  I even finished my goal on the angel I'm stitching.  I also cleaned out some bags of cross-stitching in the media room closet.  I'm in the cleaning/organizing mode.  Could it be the Spring type weather?  LOL!

I tried calling Michael today but he didn't answer.  I told him I was struggling and about my Dad and I never heard back.  OK.  Two can play this game, he can call when he wants, I'm not wasting my time.  He never called me back on Wednesday and now yesterday.  I don't know what to think.

I gained .2 this week.  I'm o.k. with it.  Hopefully it means a good drop next week and getting out of the 350's.  Let's hope so!

The maids come tomorrow and the house is ready.  I need to go to the store and get some cooking done when they leave.  Busy day.  I need to make a final decision as to what to cook.  I'm thinking Minestrone Soup and adding chicken to it and the chicken lettuce wraps I keep putting off.  I may look at something else.  I also think meat loaf is on the menu this week!

Sound good?  I promise to share the recipes!

Here's to a awesome week!

Oh Boy!...

I was totally lazy today!  I never got dressed!  I had wanted and needed to do so many things but I just sat and stitched, went through part of my stitching closet and threw away some things and got sick to my stomach seeing how much of this stuff I have bought through the years.  This dos not include suitcases that are in the guest room or the bins in the guest closet.  SICK!  I don't even kn ow if people would even be interested in buying any of it.  There is more than anyone can buy in their lifetime!  C - R - A - Z - Y!!!!!!!!!

I am struggling with this eating plan.  My head is falling out of the game.  No I won't go back eating sugar, dairy and wheat but something needs to change, I just don't know what.  I know food should not be important!  It is fuel and it doesn't matter that much but right now it is really bothering me.  I'm so glad that I'm seeing Dr. Aygarko this week as well as Anna.  Maybe they can help.  Dr. Aygarko is the weight-management Dr. that I'm seeing.  I started seeing her back in the early summer and I want her overseeing what Michael is doing.  Not that I don't trust him but I just want to make sure nothing gets out of whack!  Anna can help my head!  LOL!  This week she may need to do some EDMR.  That treatment rocks!

Anyway, this all started with Janet and the gym and questioning the food.  If I ask anymore questions there is more lectures.  This starts anger in me which starts rebellion.  This is crazy.  I haven't talked to her much in the last few days nor do I plan to.  I'm really glad that she has arrived but I haven't!  I'm just a "why?" person.  Wish I wasn't but I am.

My eating today was good and tomorrow is weigh-in.  I peeked on the scale today and I'm up a little but I'm not going to dwell on it.  I have seen twice where a slight gain means a big loss the next week. I will not give up!  The results I have had have been awesome!  I am happy about that!

We watched movies tonight and I'm tired from not doing anything.  I guess I better hit the hay because tomorrow I have got to hit the ground running!  Maids coming Monday and too much on my list to do after being so lazy today!

I will regret this tomorrow!  LOL!

Sick Of People...

Who don't do their job!!!!!!!

I swear!  I took my computer in for a swap out went over everything I wanted done.  Discussed with them that with my old Surface Pro 3 that my Trend Micro software was maxed out and asked them if they would remove it and install it back on the new one.  Well, they installed it but as soon as I fired it up it tells me the computer was not protected.  Well, you tell me do you think the computer told them the same thing when they had it in their possession?  They didn't fix it!  I had to fumble around trying to get it done because they didn't do what they said!!!!  Then they leave the computer in Admin mode, didn't set it up with my log-in information and password given to them.  I just want to scream because tomorrow I have to take the damn thing back and get them to fix it!  I believe that I will be talking to the store manager once again!!!!!!  FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!

I did go to the gym today and I did get to work out with Patty whom I love!  She showed me her new athletic shoes and now I want a pair!  Prospecs Power Walk 405.  These shoes may help my ankles and knees.  Patty swears by hers.  These shoes keep your feet from rolling in or out.  Check them out! As soon as I can come up with $150 I'm getting a pair!

She also showed me some exercises to do at home to strengthen the muscles around my knees.  Easy!  Sit in a chair (hard, straight back) and lift each leg sitting straight up (no slouching).  Do 20 on each leg.  The next one is to lift the knee and swing the knee out to the side.  You really feel this in the hip.  She said it will strengthen the hinges. LOL!  The third was to sit and start with leg lifted out to the side but the ankle pointed at the opposite leg and swing the ankle towards the other knee, keeping it lifted off the floor for 20 reps.  All of the 20 reps on all 3 exercises need to be done without sitting the foot on the floor.  I had a good workout and was tired when I left.

I did have a lazy afternoon.  I mainly piddled, did some laundry, clean the kitchen, picked up a little, watched TV and stitched.  I am really starting to get sick of this angel I'm working on.  All the whites and grays are boring!!!!!  I may have to dig out something else I haven't finished to work on when this really gets to me!  I'm happy that I'm stitching again!

We have a busy weekend planned.  You'll have to check back to see what all we get done!  LOL!

I didn't talk to Janet today.  Still a little miffed.  Taking a break could be a good thing!  I did send pictures of what I ate to Michael.  Still wishing things would change a bit.  Oh well, they probably won't.

That's life!

Without Computer!

Well I'm without my computer so I'm back on my phone giving you an update.

This morning I took my heart halter n and then went to Best Buy to exchange my computer but had to leave it. Usually they can do a setup the same day but unfortunately I won't get my computer back until tomorrow or possibly even Saturday. Can I tell you how much I hate being without it?

I thought today was going to be a busy day but it wasn't. The Maids called early this afternoon and had to cancel my cleaning day until Monday because someone in my crew had to be off tomorrow. I was okay with it because I felt too much pressure to get the house ready and I still have Christmas items to be packed up.

I really suffered today with a bad attitude in regards to this eating plan.  I really want more options and I wallowed in it most of the day and by this evening I was in a really bad mood. I'm aggravated at the goal that Michael and Janet want for me in regards to exercise. I'll be 59 this year and I have to bone on bone knees and arthritis in both ankles plus the bone spur in my right foot. Also on 355 pounds so that is a lot of pressure on the lower extremity of my body. I felt like Janet threw in my face today that because she works out 7 days a week plus she goes to the gym a second time on the days she trains with Michael that I need to be pushing myself to get to that point. Janet is 45 years old and a size 14 and that's a big difference. I'm sure if I was in her shoes I'd be working out like her as well. It's crazy to think that I can go from sitting on my butt for the last three years to that in a few months. I'm not saying that it won't work out nor will I try, but give me a chance. It really aggravated me today.

I did have a victory today, I went to the store with Mark and I shopped!  That felt really good and I think I'm ready to take that duty back over again. I know it's hard on him to go to the store after a 12 hour day and try to shop for us. I think next week I will surprise him and not ask him to go to for anything!  I have really appreciated him doing that for the last couple of years.

Tomorrow I'm scheduled for class at the gym and I need to work on the house and also finish up the laundry. The sun finally came out today and this weekend we are supposed to be in the 60's.  I think I will shock Mark and help him finished taking the lights off the house. I also would like to get some cooking done this weekend. I have found a minestrone recipe and I'd like to make that plus the filling for chicken lettuce wraps.   It's going to be a busy weekend!

Regrets?

I knew this would come one day.  I hoped it wouldn't but it has. Remember the old website 'My Going To Goal'?  I wish now I would have kept it.  There was a lot of me there.  I should have continued to try and straighten it all out.  Oh how I would have loved to re-read it today.  Why do we do such things?  CRAZY!

What started this was trying to figure out which way to take this blog.  Art work?  Writing Style?  What to do?  I hate the art on this one.  Never was sold out on it.  Paid a lot of money, just didn't know what to do.  Wanted something custom for once and for all but...  I started looking up weight loss blogs and I was shocked how many are still going that started about the same time as 'Going To Goal'.  The are now on Top Weight Loss Blogs now.  Makes me sad.  My weight loss battle...G - O - N - E!!!!!  Oh well, no need to cry over spilled milk.  Clean it up and move on.  I'm still sad.

Today was a hard day.  I struggled.  I tried checking in with Michael and he was in a meeting with Janet and Brittany and told me he would call me back but didn't.  I was going to tell him I'm struggling.  I'm getting bored and we all know that is a dangerous state for me.  I need some changes yet I know he's not going to do it.  I often wonder if he ever is.  Most of the people he coaches get more than I'm getting right now and they get changes after 45 days.  Let's see...Today is Day 87!  87!!!!!!!  NO CHANGES!!!!!!  No wonder I'm starting to want to play with this!  You know...push the plate a little?  42 lbs in 87 days.  That is a lot of weight.  Less contact from Michael, his cronies and Janet.  I know I'm griping!  I said today was a hard day.  Many times today, I've thought about telling them I'm going on my own.  I would continue, no wheat, dairy and sugar but I would add some fruit choices and Paleo bread.  Research more clean eating.

But I won't.  I'll continue on.

I got the heart halter put on today.  I'll be glad in the morning to take it off.  Those sticky things itch and I can't scratch! LOL!

I didn't do much today, laundry, stitched, you know the same old things.  BORING!  I did try the Carnitas that I made this weekend.  Not crazy about it.  It has cinnamon in it and you can taste it.  I guess I just don't care for sweet meat.  I'm going to go ahead and post the recipe so you can try it if your heart desires.  Next time I think I will replace the cinnamon with Chipolte!  Make it spicy and smokey.  YUM!  I ate it in Romaine lettuce leaves with some homemade pico and avocado.  Here is the recipe:

Slow Cooker Carnitas
adapted via All Recipes
serves 10-12

2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons garlic powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 lb. boneless pork shoulder roast
2 bay leaves
2 cups chicken broth (homemade or store-bought - check the label!)

1 fresh lime, cut into wedges for serving (optional)

In a small bowl, mix together the salt, garlic powder, cumin, oregano, coriander and cinnamon.  Rub the pork with the spice mixture, coating the meat evenly.  Place the bay leaves in the bottom of your slow cooker and top with the rubbed pork.  Pour the chicken broth around the pork.

Cover and cook on low until the pork easily shreds with a fork, 8-10 hours.  Once the pork has finished cooking, remove it from the slow cooker and shred it in a large bowl.  Add 1/4-1/2 cup of the cooking liquid into the shredded meat to moisten it, as needed.

You can serve the pork immediately, or pop it under the broiler for a few minutes to crisp up a bit.  I like to spread some evenly on a foil-lined baking sheet and broil to my liking.  A squirt of fresh lime juice just before serving is optional, but highly recommended.

(Any leftover pork reheats beautifully under the broiler in about 5 minutes.)




Looks good doesn't it.  I'll make it again I'll just exchange the cinnamon for something with a kick.  Who knows, I may try it again and decide it's ok.  Anyway. it did look just like this picture.  Try lettuce leaves!  I promise you won't miss the tortilla!

Till tomorrow...hitting the hay!

Be good!

Made It To The Gym!

I made it to the gym today and boy did it feel good!  I was so glad that Patti was training today!  I really do like her and she gave us a good workout for our legs and abs.  It felt good!

After the gym I had to boogie to my hair appointment and Carrie did an excellent job on my hair.  It has gotten so expensive to keep up with my highlights, I'm giving them up!  We went lighter on my base color and she cut my hair to a short bob.  I hate to say that I will have to go back and have her trim my bangs more.  In two weeks they will be in my face again!  She is so good at what she does!

I rushed home to a bowl of Quinoa Chicken Chili and I was going to cross stitch but dosed off.  What is with that?  I guess staying up later at night cross stitching is not a good idea.  I just keep saying "let me finish this line, this thread, this little section!"  Not Good.

Mark grilled steaks for dinner along with sweet potatoes and green beans.  It was so good!  He wasn't in a good mood.  People got to him today.  He really has to deal with some doozies at times.  People who demand discounts, deductibles covered etc.  Come on people.  You wreck your car you have to pay.  Body shops do have to make a profit to stay in business.  They barely break even in expenses each month and some months the workers barely make enough to live.  When Mark can't make a commission we drain or savings and many times have to hit our retirement account!  I feel sorry for him.  He goes extra miles to make sure his cars are repaired well and will do almost anything to make his customers happy but don't ask for discounts or deductibles covered.  They already give your insurance companies discounts to help keep your premiums from going through the roof.  Rant over!

There was a stupid new show on tonight on the TLC channel called "My Big Fat Fabulous Life"  It is about a girl that gained weight in college due to PCOS and loves her fat body.  Yes she is going to work at losing the weight but her parents are cruel and the show is crazy.  I'd rather they bring "Ruby" back!!!  Did you see it?

Tomorrow I have to go to the cardiologist to get a heart halter put on to wear for 24 hours.  Fun.  Never done it but I hope and pray it shows everything is ok and he'll pull me off more of the A-Fib drugs!  Fingers crossed!

Sleepy Day!

Late last night I was shredding the chicken for the soup I made and all of a sudden I felt weak and nauseated.  Mark took over and I went to sit down and I checked my heart rate and it was 51.  That's a little low but as I sat it went back up and I felt ok.  I did sleep good but I woke up today tired.  I was scheduled to go to the gym but I cancelled it and I went back to bed and slept pass noon.  I must have been tired.

Waking up so late I had a late breakfast and a late lunch.  Dinner was late too.  I did clean the kitchen and I got my shower and washed a dried my hair.

The soup I made was good but it needed something.  I checked the recipe and it had no salt or pepper.  Weird.  So I added 2 teaspoons of salt and a half teaspoon of pepper and it was much better.  Here is the recipe.  I will make it again.


Slow Cooker Quinoa Chicken Chili

I’m not sure whether I’d call this Quinoa Chicken Chili or Quinoa Taco Soup – either way, I’d call it  scrumptious. I’ve never made quinoa in a savory way – so I was excited to give it a try and it didn’t disappoint. Quinoa is very high in protein, so it goes great in this chicken chili to help give it some heft and substance.

I love that it was cooked in the Crock Pot – which means it only took me about 15 minutes to toss together this morning and the slow cooker did all the work.

INGREDIENTS

1 cup of quinoa, rinsed (I rinsed and soaked mine in cold water 3 times)
One (1) 28 oz can of diced tomatoes (I used crushed)
One (1) 14 oz can diced tomatoes with green chilies (Rotel)
Two (2) 16 oz cans of black beans, rinsed, drained
One (1) 15 oz can of corn, drained (I did not use, I added a rinsed can of Great Northern Beans, I can't have corn for now)
3 Cups chicken stock
2 large chicken breasts, frozen or thawed (cook longer if frozen)
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsp cumin
1 tsp crushed red pepper
2 tsp chili powder


Note:  I added 2 teaspoons salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper after it was done.  Next time I will add it while it cooks.

HOW TO PREPARE

1.) Toss everything into slow cooker and cook for 6-8 hours on low or 4-7 hours on high. I added frozen chicken breasts to mine and cooked on high for about six hours. As long as the chicken is cooked – it’s done!

2.) Remove chicken and shred it with two forks. Return to slow cooker.

3.) Top with cheese, sour cream, avocados – whatever sounds good to you! I’m thinking the next day it would probably thicken up enough to eat in a whole wheat tortilla.


Now, I don't eat any dairy so no sour cream or cheese was added.  I could have had some avocado with it but didn't think about it at the time.

And you know what?  That picture is gross to me now.  I have no desire for cheese any more.  I'm perfectly happy living without dairy.  Try going without it.  I believe dairy really does wreak havoc with our bodies.  Cows milk is for cows, not humans.  No wonder so many are lactose intolerant!  My gastro problems are actually better.  No running to the little girl's room as much as I use to.  

I didn't walk today.  Weather did not permit.  I hate this time of year.  Michael will not be pleased.  Tomorrow I have a busy day.  Gym in the morning and getting my hair done at noon.  It's suppose to be cloudy and raining tomorrow and only in the 40's.  I need some sunshine!

I watched The Bachelor tonight and worked on my Angel.  Now I'm sleepy.  I think it is time to hit the hay.

Night Night!

Weigh In Day!

Today is weigh in day and I'm down 2 more lbs!  355!  I want to be in the 340's so bad!  Slowly getting back!  This eating plan rocks!

I did get my two recipes cooked up today.  They made the house smell wonderful!  Tomorrow is taste testing day and if they are good I'll post the recipes!

Talked to Michael today and he was thrilled about the weight loss and he set a new goal for me.  Walk for 15 minutes twice a day.  Not the craziest about it but I will try.  I wish I had a neighbor that could walk with me.

I didn't feel the greatest today.  It seemed like every time I got up to do something I started feeling week and nauseated.  Not sure what is going on but I hope it goes away.  I did not finish taking the tree down.

Well, here's to a great week and getting a lot done especially my walking goal!

PS.  I don't know what is going on with Blogger!  They sure have my art missed up!  I have notified my designer.  I'm sorry it is making it difficult to read.

Rainy Lazy Day

Mark had to work today and I just piddled around the house.  I did find 2 recipes to try both down in the crock-pot which is a great win for me!  One is Slower Cooker Quinoa Chicken Chili and the other is Carnitas which we will eat in romaine lettuce cups with  some home-made pico de gallo and avocados.  The chicken chili called for a can of corn but since I can't have that yet, I will just leave it out.  I will let you know how it turns out and I will share the recipes if you would like to try it out.

Basically, I was a lazy bum all day.  I just sat and stitched and of course watched TV.  I also found a sampler that I started in 1997 that is two-thirds done.  I got it out because this white angel is getting boring! LOL!  I'll share pictures later this week.

Mark cooked us dinner tonight, grilled chicken, sweet potatoes with coconut butter and green beans.  It was yummy.  He is really crazy for a seasoning from Penzy's called "Sunny Paris" and I have to admit it is great on chicken.  We then watched the movie "Saving Mr. Banks" with Tom Hanks and that caused us to rent Mary Poppins.  Such a fun  movie!  Reminds me of growing up!

So being so lazy today caused me not to get many steps in.  I did eat well and tomorrow is weigh-in day!  I hope I lost.  This journey is amazing!  I wish any of you who are trying to lose would contact me and just hear what I'm doing.  I admit it was hard the first couple weeks but once your energy picks up and all the sluggish/nap-time feelings go away you just don't want to go back.  It is amazing what sugar, dairy, wheat and chemicals do to our bodies.  Clean eating is the way to go.  The body loves it!  Trust me.  Email me imahoot286@sbcglobal.net if you are ready to change your life!

Going to bed!  See ya tomorrow!!!!!

Icky Day!

Today was a icky day!  I had my Remicade and it was rainy and didn't get out of the 30's when I was gone.  For some reason the pre-meds really did a number on me and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I was also very hungry today.  That is what happens when you eat something that is full of junk.  I didn't say anything but Mark and I had some chips and queso last night with dinner.  The first bite I took was very salty, had a wang to it and just wasn't what I remembered queso tasting like.  Of course I kept eating it thinking that it would start tasting better but it did not!  Lesson learned.  Bad foods don't really taste that good.  Our taste buds are skewed.  Eating whole foods for the last 80 days really do take hold and trust me, I will not do that again.  Sweet Potato Tortilla Chips from Sprouts and salsa are fabulous and healthy.

So this morning I got up and weighed and I was up 5 lbs.  Hum...I wonder what could have caused that?  Could it be the salt and the chemicals in that 1/2 cup queso that I consumed last night.  I truly believe it was.  Reminds me of my old life of bad foods and my cocktail of diuretics!  Boy I don't want to go there again.  I haven't told Michael what I have done but I will.  I want to see what it takes to get my body straightened back out.  I need to see and learn.

Tonight we watched the movie Gravity.  It was pretty good but I hated the ending.  I guess it leaves it for a sequel.  We also got Saving Mr. Banks and we are planning to watch that tomorrow night.  Tomorrow Mark works and I am going to find 3 new recipes to try and plan to make one for dinner tomorrow night.  I need to schedule some days at Downsize, finish taking down the tree and packing everything up for next year.  I need to get some lunches made this weekend.  I'm getting tired of chasing myself everyday for lunches.  Janet gave me a recipe for lettuce wraps and I think I'll whip those up along with a soup.

So a busy day tomorrow.  I guess I better hit the hay so I can hit the ground running.  Wish me luck!

Crazy Computer

Well my Surface Pro 3 is possessed.  Is has a mind of its own!   It thinks that someone is touching the screen when it's not being touched.  It scrolls itself,  opens up Apps, clicks on ads on Facebook and divides the mouse into 2 pointers.  Of course Best Buy is out of them from Christmas!  I have to wait and call twice a week until they come in.  So, here I am swiping myself to death on my Samsung 5 phone.  At least I'm out here.

Today was a rainy cold day and that made me lazy.  I did nothing but drink hot tea and try and stay warm.   I did get out this evening to take the computer in and we did go to Cheddar ' s for dinner.  They really have a great sirloin for $9.99.  I got steamed broccoli and black beans to go with it.  It took forever.  When our waiter brought the food to us he said they had run out and had to go get some more.  There is a grocery store close by and we envisioned them jumping in their car and running to buy some sirloin.  LOL!

I didn't get my 5000 steps in and I'm telling you I'm a bit irritated at Michael and Janet for thinking that this will be no big deal.  Trust me I have the energy to get it done but my knees and right foot just will not tolerate it.  Janet suggested that I join the Y to walk the pool.  I can't afford the gym and the Y. I just can't.   Sometimes I think Janet doesn't live in the real world.

Don't think for a minute that I don't still struggle cause I do.   Just tonight I wanted chips and queso and I had to tell myself NO!  It is still a battle.  The difference is I feel so much better not eating sugar,  dairy and wheat.  Everything is tons better.  

I am getting a little bored with what I'm eating. I need to find some new recipes to try.  Maybe I will work on it tomorrow.

Did I Ruin Myself???

I have been watching over the last few days and it seems that no one is ready this blog anymore.  I have noticed a couple of people who check every other day but and that I'm grateful but I'm wondering today if I should even continue.  I know that it wasn't a good thing not posting very often but I was going through so much this last year.  I just couldn't find consistent creative juices to write every day.  For that I'm sorry.  What was once excited getting out here and sharing the journey went through a bad spell and now that I'm back and feeling better than ever before I feel like I've lost my readers.  I'm sad but know it is my own fault.

I know that I should just write for myself and Michael has encouraged me to write about this because I will be able to record the changes in my life.  He says that is what people crave.  Well I guess I can keep writing for me and record what I feel and maybe I will find readers once again and maybe my faithful and true will come back and read.

Today all I did was cook.  I roasted some sweet potatoes with some red and orange peppers and some onions.  It is one of my new favorite foods but I forgot them in the oven and they burned.  I haven't done that in a long time.  I literally laughed at myself and thought that maybe it is time to go to cooking school.  Tonight I  made our favorite Beef Cabbage Soup and it was yummy on a cold night.  Here is the recipe.  I hope that you will try it out!

Beef Cabbage Soup

1 lb lean ground beef 

1/2 medium onion, chopped 
1/2 large bell pepper, finely chopped 
1 can (15 oz) red kidney beans 
1 can (10.75 oz) beef consomme 
1 can (14 oz) stewed tomatoes 
2 cans (8 oz each) tomato sauce 
2 cups water 
1/2 head cabbage, coarsely chopped  (I use a whole bag of Coleslaw mix without the carrots)
1 tsp salt 
1 tsp pepper 
1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce 

Brown ground beef with onion; drain; transfer to large pot & add rest. Cook until cabbage is tender.

It is yummy and it freezes well.  I always make a double batch.

I did get to talk to Michael this afternoon and he wants me to get my walking up to 5000 steps since right now the Dr. doesn't want me exercising.  I can resume the exercise once my oxygen levels stay in the mid 90's.  Hopefully that will not take too long.  Tonight we are expecting a hard freeze and the weather dude says that we will remain below freezing for at least 8 hours.  I can tell you that I'm not going out to walk with pneumonia!  Tomorrow night rain is going to move in and another front is expected and this weekend Houston is not going to get out of the 30's.  Weird weather.  I'll have to try and figure out something.

Tomorrow sounds like a good day to stay in and stay warm and I would like to work on my cross stitch angel that I am making for my friend Penny.  I also would like to start a little project for my best friend Karen.  I have never stitched her anything.  I need to pick something out of my stash.  I may see about digging around in that and taking a peek.  I also need to finish taking down the tree and get my Christmas linens washed and put up till next year.  So tomorrow looks like a full day.

Believe it or not I am having problems with this Surface Pro 3 and tonight I might have to take it in to the local Geek Squad.  It is having a mind of it's own.  It is either a faulty mouse because the Geek Squad on the phone couldn't get the mouse to connect to the Bluetooth and then talking with the last Tech who worked on it said it could be a faulty keyboard or a faulty touch screen in which case they will have to place the whole computer.  Fun.  Why am I plagued with computer problems.  Never fear I still have my old trusty stand-by so I will continue to blog.

I want to spend some time finding some new recipes to try.  With the limited choices in food I know that there has to be some new things to try.  I'm thinking about giving Kale another try.  Don't ask me why, I usually do care for the stuff but for some reason it is appealing to me.  Janet has warned me that in cleaning up my diet I would start having tastes for things I never thought I would like.  So we'll see.

Well it is late and I'm going to hit the sack.  I have lots of things that I want to do tomorrow.

Praying someone will check in....

Could This Be The Beginning Of The End?

Today I saw Anna and we had a good visit.  That is what our sessions have been like for the last several months.  Just going and chatting with a friend.  Telling her what is going on in my life and really not doing any work.  I do most of the talking and at the end she tells me how well I'm doing, how proud she is of me and tells me that I have come a long way.  You know what?  I have.

It is hard to believe that 4 years ago I was a very troubled woman with deep scars and a troubled view of my family.  Low self-esteem drove me to eat uncontrollably and binge a lot.  What I have found over the last 4 years is I can't control my family and what they do.  I am a good person, I am fun to be with, I care deeply about everything, but the biggest thing is I AM O.K.

I think that I told you all that I decided to stop my anti-depressants back in April after the hospital stay.  I was at a pretty low after being told that "the Volkswagen is going to pull the Mac truck must longer!"  When that stupid cardiologist would do anything but tell me that I was going to die.  I decided then if I am going to die I'm not going to take happy pills.  You know it was the best decision of my life.  I've been off of them now for nearly 9 months.  Depressed?  No.  I didn't even tell Anna that I stopped them till September and she was shocked and she didn't think that it was a good idea.  She has since changed her mind and agrees that I don't need them anymore.  I tried to convince Mark Lajsek that I wanted off and he would not help me get off.  I tried and tried each time I went to see him convince him to let me wean off and he disagreed.  I was off them but I didn't know how to stop coming to see him.  The last time I saw him he really peeved me off by telling me that we had just made changes to what I was taking and he thought we should stay where we were at.  Remind you I was not taking them for the last 6 months!  It really showed me that does a Psychiatrist really know if you need these drugs.  I think we as individual knows and I'm not going to discount that there are people who really need them and are not on them.  I have a neighbor that is so Bi-polar it isn't funny.  I see her mood swing 3-4 times in a single conversation.  Her family sees it and there is no convincing her that she needs them.  In those cases I do think Dr.'s know.  For ordinary depression I thing we as individuals know if we need them.  There was a time I really needed them and I am grateful that I had them.  I had an appointment scheduled to see Mark again early Dec. and I called and just cancelled the appointment and told them that I would not be coming back.

I went through the holidays with typical issues with my family.  In fact this year some things happened that 4 years ago they might have sent me over the edge.  My brother is a big ass.  Sorry to say that but it just isn't me who thinks that.  His kids feel the same way and the sad thing is they would tell you that they feel like he has never been there for them.  The problem?  My parents raised him that way.  They raised him like a Prince and he grew into a King and finally my parents can see that he is a piece of work but they know they can't change him.  Case in point...I asked my parents to come up for Christmas at Thanksgiving.  They would not give me an answer.  But let my brother call and they can come up and I get the song and dance that they feel like that they have to choose between us and they hate we don't get along, blah, blah, blah.  I told my parents that I never wanted them to feel like they have to choose.  If they wanted to accept my brother's invitation they I was fine with it and for the first time in my life I was o.k. with it.  What made me so sad was that my brother did not even call to invite us.  That hurt but that's him.  He sent me a text Christmas Eve, I'm sure after my Dad said something about us not being there, saying that we didn't need a invitation to come to their house and he was sorry that we felt that way.  Now really.  This is a brother who lives less than 30 minutes from me that I never talk to and we never know what is going on in each other's lives except through our parents.  I suppose to just show up Christmas Eve?  How do I know that they didn't go to their place at Lakeway?  Their time-share in Hawaii?  I'm suppose to know that they are to be home.  Anyway, I fired off a reply telling him that I don't go anywhere I'm not invited and how was I to know what they are doing for the holidays.  I told him that I guess my parents needed a formal invite but I didn't wasn't flying with me.  I told him to grow up and be a brother and then wished him a Merry Christmas.  Story done.

Anna was shocked to see that I was not grieved about it.  If it had happened in the past I would have been devastated.   I told Anna that next year Mark and I were going to plan our own holoidays, let everyone know what we were doing and that they were invited to come and that is that.  I want to spend the next holidays on a special trip with just Mark and I or have people over who have no one to celebrate the day with.  We have done it in the past and had such a good time.  Istn't that what the holidays are about?  Being with each other?

So at the close of my session with Anna today she asked me if I wanted to book ahead.  I already have an appointment in 2 weeks and I told her that I would keep that.  I told her that I felt like I was ready to just see her once a month.  I told her that while I knew I was o.k. and that life was sweet and I loved everything going on in my life I didn't want to let her go.  I told her "Damn it Anna, you have become a friend!  I want you to be a part of this journey.  I want to have access to you if for any reason I need help along with the way with the changes that my body is going to go through."  She told me that we were friends and that she was always going to be there and she wanted to be a part of the journey.  She told me that she is only a text or a call away and reminded me that we have upcoming shopping dates.  That made me smile because 2-3 years ago I told her that when I reached my goal that I wanted her to help me buy my new wardrobe.  I love her style.  She told me she would love to do that.  I gave her a Pandora charm that has a dress on a hanger for her bracelet.  It was my promise to her that I was going to cash that promise in some day.  Our first shopping date?  When I lose 60 more lbs and I'm going to Salt Lake City to meet Michael and Janet.  That trip I want to look my best and I want Anna to help me buy and accessorize.

She ended telling me again how proud she was of me, making my own decisions, believing in them and trusting myself.  She told me that I was o.k.  I love that woman!  Beautiful inside and out.  She was the greatest thing that came out of the worse friendship I ever had.  Mike.

I actually drove away from her office with a peace that surpasses all understanding and a big smile on my face.  I truly one day Anna and I will part and I will be o.k.

I'm ready.

Crazy Day!

Today I had a Dr.'s appointment and all I can say is "What a day!"

Our gate has been broken and I had a company come out to fix it, but the guy who came out needed to call Tech Support and they were closed till the first of the year.  So today was the day they chose to come back out and of course I was gone.  We thought we were going to have to buy a new unit for the gate to the tune of $2,000.  Well, the problem was a loose battery connection and while I was thrilled at the news I wasn't happy when I got home and the gate wouldn't open!  My dear sweet husband failed to tell me when he tried to re-set the gate he might have erased the codes to our clickers!  Long story short they rushed back to the house and reprogrammed my clicker and I had access to my house!

I had also stopped at Chick-Fil-A and picked up a side salad without cheese and a 12 piece grilled nuggets.  I was going to make a delicious salad for lunch adding a whole avocado.  I had my mouth set on it.  I was still irritated about the delay to get into the house (at least an hour) and I lost it when I opened the bag to find out they missed my order up and gave me fried nuggets!  I was pissed, not feeling the greatest and starving.  It was 3:00!  I just ate them.  Not the right choice but that is what I did.  I paid for it too!  I felt like crap!  My stomached rumbled and my head hurt, my energy level hit skid row.  You don't eat clean (real clean) for 10 weeks and then expect to feel good when you "dirty" your system up.  I will probably pay for it for a few days.  It wasn't worth it!

Here is the difference in working with Michael Banks over the stupid WW Mike.  When I missed up on WW, Mike would yell at me and made sure I felt like crap for doing it and he would have had all kinds of "Why?" questions for me.  I texted Michael and told him what I did and I got no response.  Do I think he is mad at me?  My first reaction was yes because that is what I'm geared to.  Once I thought about it I know he isn't mad at me.  But I know he expects me to move on.  He warned me in the beginning that I would blow his program.  He told me it was inevitable.  He told me when I did to drink a warm glass of lemon water as it would help my body rid itself of the bad stuff.  He expects me to forget it and move on.  That is what I've done.  Tonight I had a good healthy clean meal of grilled salmon, broccoli and cauliflower along with a sweet potato with coconut butter.  YUM!  My favorite meal!!!!

Tomorrow I will keep moving forward.

Woo Hoo!

Weigh-in day!  I lost 6.2 lbs!  70.7 since April and 40.7 since I started working with Michael Oct. 20th!  My average with Michael is 4 lbs a week!  Better than WW!!!!  I'm loving it!

Not feeling the greatest.  Just watched some movies, slept and cross-stitched.

Praying for a better tomorrow and better week!

I'm sorry this is so short!  That means tomorrow must be going to be a long one.  Not to chatty today.  I want to go to bed.

Yea me today!

Hanging In There!

Today was a lazy day!  Didn't feel the greatest and I wish I was kicking this pneumonia quicker than this!

Really all I did today was ate, watched TV, cross-stitched and bugged Mark!  It was a quiet day.  We did finish a movie we started last night and watched a Morgan Freeman movie.  I like his stuff.  Great Actor!  I wished I had the energy to get some cooking done for the week.  Maybe tomorrow.  That is one thing I'm not in love with in my new life, but it is necessary.  I'll get use to it eventually.

I did finish a cross stitch ornament today.  It only took 4 years!  LOL!  Here's a picture of it:

Now I need to find a finisher to turn it into a ornament for next year's tree!  I want a cross stitch ornament tree so bad!  This is the first one done!  Yea me!

I may have to cancel an important appointment with my Cardiologist.  When I saw him earlier this month I asked him if he thought the A-Fib was a result of the shape my lungs were in back in April.  He pondered a few minutes and told me that it could be.  During that visit he reduced my medicine that helps control my heart beat by half.  He wants me to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours to investigate this further.  I'm not sure if he will want to do this with me having pneumonia or wait till I'm over it.  We'll see.  I can't tell you how happy I am with him cutting my medication back by half.  I will be jumping for joy if I truly don't have A-Fib!

I need to feel better tomorrow so I better get some sleep.  I'm sorry for such a short post.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more to share.  I want to wake up feeling better!

Also tomorrow is weigh-in day!