Over A Week Later...

I have had a rough week.  Just remember I'm dealing with some health issues I haven't written about, plus my laptop is going to pot on me.  Some of the keys are sticking so I am typing with 2 fingers to slow down enough to catch them.

I stopped seeing Anna around Christmas time.  The therapy with Dr. Michel had become pretty tense at times.  I have learned so much about myself through Dr. Michel and I would not trade those sessions for anything!  The biggest thing I learned was the misinterpretation of things being said to me in conversations.  My parents reminded me that when I first started learning how to read I would leave out words and add words to make the story be what I wanted it to be.  They told me all my teachers complained about it and in order to advance to the 4th grade I had to take reading in summer school.  I've learned now how to totally focus on a conversation and if I'm not sure about my interpretation to repeat what I heard by saying "Let me make sure I'm following you or Are you saying..." whatever is appropriate and it sure has made my life better!

With binging I have learned to stop and ask myself questions.  Sometimes it doesn't take but a couple that will stop me dead in my tracks.  Here are some of the questions that I ask.  I don't ask in an particular order it is what comes to my mind at the time:

Is it worth it?
Is it going to change my circumstances?
Who is it going to hurt?  Me or them?
How are you going to feel after you eat it?
Do you really want to do it because it will only hurt you?
Why don't you go and find something constructive to do?

I found if I really sit and answer the questions honestly I see how stupid a binge is because no one wins.  A binge only hurts.  It hurts you and food just isn't that important!!!

I have finally learned that food is fuel.  My favorite quote now is:

Life itself is the perfect binge! ~ Julia Childs

Isn't it amazing a person who was an amazing cook knew that Life is a better binge than food!  Think about it!  I now have a beautiful cutting board that I found on Etsy that has that quote on display in my kitchen.

After the first of the year when I was dealing with my foot infection Dr. Michel really started pushing the issue of me going to a treatment center.  All I could think was "Why?".  I was making progress I was happy where I was at.  I told her that I wanted to try the private Chef and see how it goes.  She agreed to put it off till March.  All of our sessions from there seemed like she wanted to pick apart everything I said.  Every session I asked myself "Why am I doing this?" yet I couldn't quit.  The sessions grew to almost feel abusive and then I started realizing that I needed to take a break from it all.

Now you realize this built over 3 months and not as quick as you just read.  I didn't have my sleep study yet.  I'm scheduled for tomorrow night.  I have an appointment in the morning and tomorrow afternoon I have some things to do to get ready for the maids on Friday.  I should be able to write again on Friday.  My next post I will tell you what has happened to me medically.  It has rocked my world.  I hope you will come back to read.