Dealing with this low B-12 and Ferratin level and a insurance company who will not approve the iron IV that will correct the Ferratin...I'm just starting to feel lost! Let me explain. Last Friday I went in to see my Oncologist about this issue and to talk to her about the run around that I felt that I was getting from her staff. First the stuff about the staff blew up in my face. Of course she took their side but she said something that I knew might be becoming a problem with this new O'Bama Health Care Plan but I never thought that I would hear from one of my Dr.'s the following: "Laura, you have nothing to give back to society so this new health care plan would rather you be dead than spend any money on you! You are going to see more things denied when all of this goes into effect!" I was kinda shocked, kinda not! I had been reading that the older you get the less they are going to pay but I never thought I would hear it put exactly this way! I nevertheless started crying and told her that I knew how to end a life and we had a few other things to say which I can't recall. I made it out of her office and to my car before I just totally lost it. All I could think about was binging. I called Kathy crying and told her what was going on. My team has been very supportive while we try and get this resolved with the insurance company. She talked to me for a while and got me back to thinking with a clear head about binging and I didn't do it. I still felt like crap and I did make it home, had some lunch and took a nap.
Over the last month, my neighbor Rae has been sucking me dry, keeping up late at night talking about this man that she has been seeing. To sum it all up in a nutshell, she needs to grow up and realize that relationships at 56 are not like they were when you are 16, you don't sleep with someone after after 3 dinner dates, phone calls and texting over 6 weeks and then wonder why the relationship changes. Bottom line last Thursday night was the last night that woman is ever going to get a minute of my time! I'm done! I don't need the drama and I don't need things thrown up in my face. Is that a friend? NO! DONE!
So, yesterday was Remicade and today I slept a lot, tomorrow I'm seeing Anna and Kathy and I haven't followed my food plan nor have I recorded a morsel of food that has gone down my throat. Sitting here tonight eating M&M's mindlessly and seeing how long it has been since I've written on this blog I'm sick of it all. It is only within my own power that I can say enough and turn it all around and I'm going to do it period! I want to experience 23 lbs in 27 days again. It was sweet. I felt like a million dollars and I want to feel that again!!!!
The Ferratin and B-12? I've started the B-12 injections and I'm waiting for the insurance again. If it gets denied again we are going to pay for it out of our own pocket. It has been 10 years since I've needed it so it is worth paying $550 to get my energy back which will help my mood and my eating and getting back to what I need to do! The Dr. will have to approve me paying for it!
So, tomorrow night I will write about how my meeting with Kathy goes, my follow-up with the insurance and my getting back to MINDFULNESS!
Thanks for letting me vent! You all are the best!
No comments:
Post a Comment