I Am Still Here...

Believe it or not I come out here to see if anyone even checks on me anymore and I see a few of you faithful followers who still care checking things out.  I love each of you who have done this.

Believe it or not I have hired an awesome Blog designer to change everything up as this is no longer a Weight Loss Journey but a Eating Disorder Recovery Journey.

I'm doing away with Photos, Stats and Recipes.  I'm not saying I will not share but the focus in Recovery is more about life than food.  Life becomes the bigger picture and food becomes very small.  During my time away I have learned a lot.  Food is fuel.  Have I gotten that?  No!  Not totally!  But I am learning.  I've been learning a lot!  Confusing at times, frustrating at times, even finding at times that I want to give up and go back to dieting, yet the realization that diets don't work nor will they ever I have to keep "Trusting The Process" and trusting my team.

This journey so far has changed both Mark and I.  He has become my rock.  He holds me up when I don't feel like I can go the next step.  It has been hard spending the last year weighing over 400 lbs.  I can only dream about the days of being under 300 lbs and what that felt like.  At least this time I know when I get there I will never have to worry about going back up.  Mark is grasping "Mindfulness" in his own life and talks about how good it feels.  Oh what we have done to our bodies.

I'm still dealing with a low Ferratin level.  We decided to pay for the treatments out of pocket but after the 2nd infusion I experienced some bad side effects one being chest pains that I chose to stop treatment and they did clear up.  Tummy issues as well.  I see the Dr. next Friday and I want to see where that level is before I make the decision to continue.  During the holidays I have had a flare up with Cellulitius in my leg and I'm still taking antibiotics and trying to avoid my Infectious Disease Dr. and they are getting better slowly.  The holidays were very hard on me trying to do too much.  I can say that I'm sick of hearing...what are we going to eat, when are going to eat, where's this, where's that and food, food, food!  I just want a vacation away from FOOD!!!

I am coming back to share the journey on a personal level and not so much as what my team is doing but I'm sure that will make it's way here some.  It will be more about my feelings and daily doings of getting in the recovery mode and staying there.  The 27 days I made it was bliss.  90 Days and they say I will be in RECOVERY!  I want it!

I will start writing about my day from sun up till bedtime and I will publish it.  Daily.  Yes...Daily!

Starting in the morning...