In A Funk!!!!

I'm sorry that I haven't posted.  I have really have been in a funk.  I have also been sick.  Allergies have gotten the best of me.  All last weekend I didn't have a voice!  I've also been sleeping a lot and I haven't wanted to do what I'm suppose to be doing.  Even still...

I didn't get to go to my friend's visitation nor to her funeral because all I was doing was squeaking and I was afraid of scaring everyone off.  I just stayed home and thought a lot about her and her family and spent time in prayer.  This has really been hard.  There have been times that I have really wished it would have been me and not her.  She loved life and she loved everyone.  She was always happy and she made sure that everyone was as happy as she was.  Me?  Well, it's not worth going there.  I've spent most of my life not wanting to be here.  Boy I have some more work to do.

I did get to see Anna and Kathy this past Thursday.  Anna and I talked about my friend.  Anna didn't have a whole lot to say but to give me her condolences.  We talked more about her thoughts on the book "Life Without Ed. It seems that Anna has done a study with a group from Harvard on mindful eating as she told me that there were parts of the book that she didn't agree with.  Great!  Deep down I've been a little worried how all this was going to work out with Anna and Kathy.  Kathy is sold out on the book.  They have yet to really talk but they leave messages for each other.  I guess I am going to have to put my foot down with Kathy and tell her to find the time to contact Anna and let's get this show on the road.  I feel like I'm in limbo and that isn't right because I'm the one paying out the rear-end to get the help.

I'm also still in a strange place of not wanting to eat much.  I'm not in the mood to eat by a schedule.  I'm not tracking mainly because I'm eating weird and fear the wrath of Kathy which I know I have not ever received but I still have the lingerings of dear Ol Mike!  Speaking of which I've let back into my life but I swear it is very different.  If it stays like it is then we can be friends.  If he starts trying to get into my business I will slam dunk him again and I've told him that.  We are not talking about diet anything.  Just friends.  I think that we both like it this way too.  Of course if I haven't already written about it or not, he was fired from Weight Watchers.  Enough said.  He is looking for a job.

Back to my eating.  I'm not wanting breakfast, sandwiches for lunch are a big turn off so I just don't eat, I'm eating dinner but not much of it because I'm sick of everything.  Mark's job has calmed down but I haven't been able to get him to go to the store.  I don't think that I can do it but I might have to try even if all I do is go to a section of the store a day.  I'm in a funk about cooking.  Kathy is wanting me to cook, wants Mark and I to talk less about food, and she wants to watch my sodium.  Sound familiar?  Dang!  Can I do anything right?

I'm still in the mode of sitting with this damn computer in my lap day in and day out.  Karen A. my friend that I went to the Stitching Get-Away wants to get together next week to stitch and walk.  She just may be my saving grace.  I've thought about asking my neighbor Srijha to start walking with me.  I'm so afraid of going too far and not being able to make it back.  I feel like I'm losing my strength again and I just don't want to go there.

I've cancelled my Remicade each week for a month.  Tomorrow I go and see Mark and it has been over a month and I've been sporadic about my meds and I can hear him already.  I don't want to take the dang Ambilify that he wanted me to take and I can hear him bitching about that.  Thursday I see Anna, then Kathy and the I rush over to get my Remicade.  Friday the maids come, Sunday Mike and Sandy are coming over for...ready...iPad and Samsung Galaxy 3 class along with Samsung Tab 2 class.  It seems that Sandy and I are dumb in these areas and it was her idea that we get together and let Mike teach us all the ins and out of these things.  I have to admit I never use my iPad and I don't know all the ins and outs of my Galaxy phone and I just bought the Samsung Tablet last week because I'm a tech freak!

So here it is Tuesday morning at 5:10 and I started this 3 days ago.  Today I am going to try really hard to eat by the freaking clock and try to get this show on the road again.

I'll fill you in tonight and tell you what I made of my day!  It's got to get better!