So much has run together and I don't really have a good train of thought about everything because I'm telling you seeing 2 therapist, a dietitian every week has been a walk on the wild side for me. My head is spinning a bit but this is what I asked for. Intensive treatment. Yet, they are telling me if I had gone to a center for help it would have been all waking hours in some form of therapy. So I asked for it and I'm kinda thankful that I didn't take the other route.
I love Dr. Michel! She is incredible and really knows her stuff. She knows how to pick me up when I am down and she is able to turn me around when I'm looking at things in the wrong light without any harsh words. She is amazing. I have also found out she has written a book and several articles and she is known around the word in the field of eating disorders, so I feel that I am very very lucky to have the chance to work for her. Do I like the $150.00 a week? No. But I have to admit it is money that is well spent. Here is her bio:
Dr. Michel has devoted her career to the study and treatment of eating disorders. After receiving a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology from Texas A&M University, she continued her studies in clinical psychology and obtained her doctorate from The University of North Texas. While in graduate school, she began research in the area of eating disorders. She was then invited to Tulane University School of Medicine to complete her predoctoral internship as well as obtain specialty training in eating disorders under the direction of Susan Willard, an internationally recognized expert in the field. Dr. Michel is a Certified Eating Disorders Specialist (CEDS), which is a certification status granted by the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals to healthcare professionals who demonstrate clinical expertise in eating disorders through education, experience, and examination.
Dr. Michel has presented nationally and internationally on anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, and obesity. Her publications include the book entitled, When Dieting Becomes Dangerous: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Anorexia and Bulimia, as well as the first published article on the treatment of selective eating in adults. Research endeavors have focused on assessment, treatment, and prevention of eating disorders. She also founded and directed a weight management clinic within the Tulane Eating Disorders Program.
Dr. Michel has held academic appointments at Tulane University School of Medicine in the departments of Psychiatry and Neurology and in Public Health and Tropical Medicine. While at Tulane, she was actively involved in the training of psychology interns, psychiatric residents, and medical students as well as specialists in other areas of medicine. She also served as Co-Director of the Tulane Psychology Intern Training Program and participated in various academic committee activities including a Louisiana state-sponsored initiative on obesity.
In addition to directing services at The Woodlands Eating Disorders Center, Dr. Michel provides clinical consultation services to area schools, community organizations, and healthcare professionals. She also presents educational lectures to professionals, schools, and the general community. Dr. Michel continues to publish articles on eating disorders in professional journals as well as in community magazines.
Dr. Michel is an active member of the Academy for Eating Disorders, American Psychological Association, Houston Psychological Association, National Eating Disorders Association, Sam Houston Area Psychological Association, Society of Clinical Psychology, and Texas Psychological Association. She is a charter member of Houston Eating Disorders Specialists and serves on its executive board.
So what do you think? Pretty qualified? I think so.
My first session with her was basically going over my dieting history and we didn't get to finish it. My second session with her was when I was a mess from Kathy reprimanding me for an hour that drove me to tears. She helped me see things in a different light by thinking back to when was the last time I felt like that before and it ended up being my mother. She ended showing me that it was an opportunity to be working with them and that they were not out to make me miserable but there to help. I think that she smoothed that all over and then had a pretty stern talk with Kathy because the following Saturday Mark had his first group session for family members and Kathy was in the office and I asked to talk to her and she didn't let me say much before telling me that she knew that Dr. Michel and I talked and she (Kathy) didn't feel like I heard anything she said and boy you can know that I told her that I heard every single word she said. She almost started on me again but her client came in and saved me! I think that this was when I quit writing. I can tell you that I was scared to death to see her the next week. I was pleasantly surprised that she was very nice and we had one of the best sessions ever! The way our sessions have remained. Thank God!
Kathy is pretty much working with me on shopping for things that look good. We did away with "good" and "bad" foods and "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods because it just gave my mind grief and caused all kinds of rebellion. Now she wants me to look for things that look good. Here is the example that she gave me. Let's say I'm shopping in the produce department and I see some really beautiful peaches and they catch my eye and I say to myself, "Man those are beautiful peaches, I would love one." then I need to buy it. Another example she gave me if I have pork chops on my list but I walk past the meat counter and some pretty steaks jump out at me then get the steaks and forget the pork chops. So I'm to eat what looks good. The problem so far is that I haven't shopped yet. We have talked about me shopping at smaller stores that are not overwhelming to me since my weight has crept back up over 420 lbs. That's right. Really sick. We will not discuss where my mind has been at. It is not in the best of places. I'm so disgusted with myself. Kathy has been working with me to pick different places to eat besides our usual and to pick things that are lower in sodium and menu items that are closer as to what I could get at home if possible. My problem which just came to me this weekend is I'm so embarrassed to get out that now I'm not leaving the house except to go and see my treatment team or my Doctors. I feel like all I do is waddle like a damn duck every where I go. I know that my weight is dangerously high and something has got to start happening but they tell me to "Trust the process" and I'm telling you that is wearing on my last nerve!
Just this last week my sleeping schedule got all off because of Shannon and Meredith's breakup and one day Mark called me about 4 times and could not wake me. He came home from the office scared to death that I had passed away only to find me sleeping and I didn't hear my phone. This is bad. Pray for me!!!!!!
I asked Dr. Michel one week if there was any hope for me. She told me that there is always hope. She reminded me of the Hope sign that she has in her waiting room. She told me without hope there is no recovery. I asked her with my eating disorder going on for nearly 50 years would I ever fully recover and she told me that I would. She said she would not be doing what she is doing if people like me didn't recover. I have no patience. Kathy and I talked about that last week as well. Kathy admitted she loses hers easily and I know that is right so I hope she can be patient while she is working with a tough stubborn person like me! Dr. Michel is having me reading my books again and for the last several weeks has been trying to hook up with Anna so that they can work together. I told Dr. Michel that I wanted her to run the show and I thought a good idea was to have Anna reinforce what she (Dr. Michel) did on Monday when I see Anna on Thursday. Well I found out this last week that Anna isn't crazy about that idea. Anna just wants to see what I need each week after working with them and she will help me further. Kathy doesn't like the idea but I don't care what she thinks. This about Dr. Michel and I see her in the morning and we'll see what happens. We have even talked about me taking a break from Anna for about 12 weeks. I don't want to do that. The other thing that Dr. Michel has suggested is that Mark and I go to marital counseling and we should start that soon. This isn't because we have problems but because he needs to understand eating disorders and what will help me and what will not help me. And I guess for me not to bite his head off when he won't do what I want. This should be interesting but I can see where it is needed.
Next week on Wednesday evenings I start my Mindful Eating Support Group and I'm excited about that. I'm hoping like crazy that it will help me with mindfulness. Another therapist Stacy and Kathy will be leading this 6 week support group.
I've missed a week with Anna because she was on vacation and then one week I looked at the clock wrong and missed a session with her. It was funny but it really wasn't because I love getting to see Anna and getting to unload my feelings. She thinks that they are doing too much but I'm not sure she is grasping that I asked for this and this is what I would be getting if I checked in to a in-house clinic somewhere. Hopefully her and Dr. Michel will connect real soon and we will see if Anna is going to work during this extensive time or not. This will not go on forever. Just to get me moving towards recovery a little quicker and more steadily.
So have I boggled your minds? Can you understand why getting behind has overwhelmed me? I'm sure there are tons that I'm forgetting but this is the jest of what is going on. On Monday's I see Dr. Michel for a hour, soon on Wednesday evenings I will have a group session on Mindful Eating, Thursday morning I have Anna at 10:00 and then I have Kathy at 11:30. The marital counseling will start soon on Saturday's. Mark goes to a group once a month for family support. That is it in a nutshell. Of course I'm reading books, and journaling and trying to balance friends that don't understand. I'm feeling very lonely these days. I feel all by myself and lost in a big, big world. I know that I will emerge out of this once again in a better place. I just have to trust the process..
I'm sad to say that I'm feeling bad about reconciling my friendship with Mike. He is so bad for me. He will not stay out of what I'm doing. He tells me that my team doesn't know what they are doing that I need to find people who will help me and blah, blah, blah. Just this week he told me that when he was coaching me in Weight Watchers that I lied to him because someone in our group told him that I had told them that I had a hard week with my eating but told him that I was good all week. I can tell you I lost it. I could have torn that man in two! I never lied to him, I made my journal available to him at all times but he didn't want to see it and why? He said that I lied on it!!!! Anyway I told him whoever told him this was a damn liar. He then told me that he would believe me because I was his friend. That was my final draw for him this week. This conversation was all because I told him that Kathy knew by my recovery record rather or not I was losing weight and that was why they didn't want me to weigh. That is what they told me. I trust my team. He told me that he and his buddy talked about that and it wasn't true because people with food problems lie. Well I don't. Why would I want to? I want to get well! I want to recover! I want to be healthy!!!!! Why do I want to pay over $1,000.00 a month and lie?????!!!!! Insurance is not paying a dime for any of this except Anna! He is such a pig-ass!!!! I love Sandy who supports me 100%. I may try talking to her about Mike and see if she can help me. Mike and I can be friends if he stays out of this part of my life. This week my goal is not to allow him to ask me anything about what is going on, how my sessions are going, nothing. nada. Wish me luck! If he doesn't then he will have to permanently not be a part of my life!!!!!
Tomorrow I will share with you about some things that I found on the Internet that are helping me a lot. Some blogs and some talks that can be listened to on-line. The Eating Disorder field is a large one and full of very experienced people. If only the dieting industry and the Eating Disorder Industry to could get together and see eye to eye and work together, this word would be a better place and there would be a lot of happy people who would be free from what is weighing them down and we know what that is.....WEIGHT!
Tomorrow I will also share with you how my session with Dr. Michel goes and hopefully I will keep you all more up to date about my treatment process. Thanks for hanging in there with me! This is going to get better. At least that is what they are telling me!
My first session with her was basically going over my dieting history and we didn't get to finish it. My second session with her was when I was a mess from Kathy reprimanding me for an hour that drove me to tears. She helped me see things in a different light by thinking back to when was the last time I felt like that before and it ended up being my mother. She ended showing me that it was an opportunity to be working with them and that they were not out to make me miserable but there to help. I think that she smoothed that all over and then had a pretty stern talk with Kathy because the following Saturday Mark had his first group session for family members and Kathy was in the office and I asked to talk to her and she didn't let me say much before telling me that she knew that Dr. Michel and I talked and she (Kathy) didn't feel like I heard anything she said and boy you can know that I told her that I heard every single word she said. She almost started on me again but her client came in and saved me! I think that this was when I quit writing. I can tell you that I was scared to death to see her the next week. I was pleasantly surprised that she was very nice and we had one of the best sessions ever! The way our sessions have remained. Thank God!
Kathy is pretty much working with me on shopping for things that look good. We did away with "good" and "bad" foods and "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods because it just gave my mind grief and caused all kinds of rebellion. Now she wants me to look for things that look good. Here is the example that she gave me. Let's say I'm shopping in the produce department and I see some really beautiful peaches and they catch my eye and I say to myself, "Man those are beautiful peaches, I would love one." then I need to buy it. Another example she gave me if I have pork chops on my list but I walk past the meat counter and some pretty steaks jump out at me then get the steaks and forget the pork chops. So I'm to eat what looks good. The problem so far is that I haven't shopped yet. We have talked about me shopping at smaller stores that are not overwhelming to me since my weight has crept back up over 420 lbs. That's right. Really sick. We will not discuss where my mind has been at. It is not in the best of places. I'm so disgusted with myself. Kathy has been working with me to pick different places to eat besides our usual and to pick things that are lower in sodium and menu items that are closer as to what I could get at home if possible. My problem which just came to me this weekend is I'm so embarrassed to get out that now I'm not leaving the house except to go and see my treatment team or my Doctors. I feel like all I do is waddle like a damn duck every where I go. I know that my weight is dangerously high and something has got to start happening but they tell me to "Trust the process" and I'm telling you that is wearing on my last nerve!
Just this last week my sleeping schedule got all off because of Shannon and Meredith's breakup and one day Mark called me about 4 times and could not wake me. He came home from the office scared to death that I had passed away only to find me sleeping and I didn't hear my phone. This is bad. Pray for me!!!!!!
I asked Dr. Michel one week if there was any hope for me. She told me that there is always hope. She reminded me of the Hope sign that she has in her waiting room. She told me without hope there is no recovery. I asked her with my eating disorder going on for nearly 50 years would I ever fully recover and she told me that I would. She said she would not be doing what she is doing if people like me didn't recover. I have no patience. Kathy and I talked about that last week as well. Kathy admitted she loses hers easily and I know that is right so I hope she can be patient while she is working with a tough stubborn person like me! Dr. Michel is having me reading my books again and for the last several weeks has been trying to hook up with Anna so that they can work together. I told Dr. Michel that I wanted her to run the show and I thought a good idea was to have Anna reinforce what she (Dr. Michel) did on Monday when I see Anna on Thursday. Well I found out this last week that Anna isn't crazy about that idea. Anna just wants to see what I need each week after working with them and she will help me further. Kathy doesn't like the idea but I don't care what she thinks. This about Dr. Michel and I see her in the morning and we'll see what happens. We have even talked about me taking a break from Anna for about 12 weeks. I don't want to do that. The other thing that Dr. Michel has suggested is that Mark and I go to marital counseling and we should start that soon. This isn't because we have problems but because he needs to understand eating disorders and what will help me and what will not help me. And I guess for me not to bite his head off when he won't do what I want. This should be interesting but I can see where it is needed.
Next week on Wednesday evenings I start my Mindful Eating Support Group and I'm excited about that. I'm hoping like crazy that it will help me with mindfulness. Another therapist Stacy and Kathy will be leading this 6 week support group.
I've missed a week with Anna because she was on vacation and then one week I looked at the clock wrong and missed a session with her. It was funny but it really wasn't because I love getting to see Anna and getting to unload my feelings. She thinks that they are doing too much but I'm not sure she is grasping that I asked for this and this is what I would be getting if I checked in to a in-house clinic somewhere. Hopefully her and Dr. Michel will connect real soon and we will see if Anna is going to work during this extensive time or not. This will not go on forever. Just to get me moving towards recovery a little quicker and more steadily.
So have I boggled your minds? Can you understand why getting behind has overwhelmed me? I'm sure there are tons that I'm forgetting but this is the jest of what is going on. On Monday's I see Dr. Michel for a hour, soon on Wednesday evenings I will have a group session on Mindful Eating, Thursday morning I have Anna at 10:00 and then I have Kathy at 11:30. The marital counseling will start soon on Saturday's. Mark goes to a group once a month for family support. That is it in a nutshell. Of course I'm reading books, and journaling and trying to balance friends that don't understand. I'm feeling very lonely these days. I feel all by myself and lost in a big, big world. I know that I will emerge out of this once again in a better place. I just have to trust the process..
I'm sad to say that I'm feeling bad about reconciling my friendship with Mike. He is so bad for me. He will not stay out of what I'm doing. He tells me that my team doesn't know what they are doing that I need to find people who will help me and blah, blah, blah. Just this week he told me that when he was coaching me in Weight Watchers that I lied to him because someone in our group told him that I had told them that I had a hard week with my eating but told him that I was good all week. I can tell you I lost it. I could have torn that man in two! I never lied to him, I made my journal available to him at all times but he didn't want to see it and why? He said that I lied on it!!!! Anyway I told him whoever told him this was a damn liar. He then told me that he would believe me because I was his friend. That was my final draw for him this week. This conversation was all because I told him that Kathy knew by my recovery record rather or not I was losing weight and that was why they didn't want me to weigh. That is what they told me. I trust my team. He told me that he and his buddy talked about that and it wasn't true because people with food problems lie. Well I don't. Why would I want to? I want to get well! I want to recover! I want to be healthy!!!!! Why do I want to pay over $1,000.00 a month and lie?????!!!!! Insurance is not paying a dime for any of this except Anna! He is such a pig-ass!!!! I love Sandy who supports me 100%. I may try talking to her about Mike and see if she can help me. Mike and I can be friends if he stays out of this part of my life. This week my goal is not to allow him to ask me anything about what is going on, how my sessions are going, nothing. nada. Wish me luck! If he doesn't then he will have to permanently not be a part of my life!!!!!
Tomorrow I will share with you about some things that I found on the Internet that are helping me a lot. Some blogs and some talks that can be listened to on-line. The Eating Disorder field is a large one and full of very experienced people. If only the dieting industry and the Eating Disorder Industry to could get together and see eye to eye and work together, this word would be a better place and there would be a lot of happy people who would be free from what is weighing them down and we know what that is.....WEIGHT!
Tomorrow I will also share with you how my session with Dr. Michel goes and hopefully I will keep you all more up to date about my treatment process. Thanks for hanging in there with me! This is going to get better. At least that is what they are telling me!
No comments:
Post a Comment