I'm sorry that we have gotten so far behind but hopefully today I will get you all caught up!
The next day, Friday, was not a good day for me. I did record all my food and I did have a good day up until I called the Vet to see about Ernie's blood work. She told me that everything looked good except his ALP (liver enzyme) was elevated. I asked her what that meant and she told me that there could be a tumor developing or cancer in his liver! Now I have 3 cats and I do love them but Ernie is my little buddy and we are very close and when she said the "C" word I thought I was going to throw up! I asked her what the next step was and she told me that she wanted to repeat the test next week. If it comes back still elevated or if it comes back higher then they will send me to Gulf Coast which is the Medical Center for small animals to see a Board Certified Internist Veterinarian. All I have been able to think about is "Not my Ernie, please not Ernie!" I have loved on that baby more than anything this last week. The other thing that was alarming was he has lost weight (not good) so she told me to let him have all the food he wants. He has loved that! Pray for my baby kitty boy!
On Saturday Mark was scheduled to attend a group for Family Members of a Eating Disorder. You know how office buildings can be on the weekends, one door open, could need a code, etc. I texted Kathy on Friday to see what door to enter the building from. She texted me back what suite to go to which was the suite that I go do every week. Duh! I texted her back and said that we would see if the side door would be open and thanked her for her help. I should have known by her response that something was wrong. I decided on Saturday morning to go with Mark and maybe they would let me sit in their lunch room while they had group which I thought would be in the reception area and if not then I could go across the street to McDonald's get a coke and read while he was in group. It ended up that we did get through the side door and once we got up to their office the person who was doing the group was placing signs out pointing people where to go and I asked her if I could sit in the reception area while they were in group. She went around to open the door for me and found the door was already unlocked. I went in and sat down and Mark went on to group. I just sat and read my Mindful Eating book. Well, all of a sudden the interior door opened and it was Kathy! She was looking for her next client. I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute and she said o.k. I was going to make it quick anyway because I still didn't feel like talking to her much less seeing her after last Thursday. I first apologized about how I responded and then proceeded to tell her how Dr. Michel helped me work through it and before I could say much more (I think I said to her that I learned a great deal from Dr. Michel) she interrupted me and said "I know, Dr. Michel talked to me and I think it would be best that we take a break" I was shocked but I told her "I don't want to" and Kathy said "Well, usually I don't start seeing patients until after they see Dr. Michel for 12 weeks" I thought to myself "What the hell? Why didn't you tell me that back in November when I first contacted you?" She went onto say that she doubt that I learned anything because I was not connected in the conversation, that I was blanked out. Well, I am freakin sorry but what else does a person do when they are shocked as hell when you start going off on them? I responded to Kathy "I heard every word you said" and she tells me that I probably heard most of it but she doubts that I heard it all and I responded "I heard it all Kathy" Well about that time her client walked in and Kathy tells me that she could not see me the following Thursday because her sitter had to be somewhere. She told me that she could see me on Monday July 1 at 11:00 (today). I told her that I would be there.
I'm telling I have fumed about our conversation and I know that Dr. Michel must have talked to her very sternly about how she treated me to have Kathy respond to me that way. I've had over a week to think about this stuff and I'm telling you I hope Dr. Michel doesn't ask me how it went with Kathy while she was gone because I feel obliged to tell. I'm sure Dr. Michel would talk to her again. The other thing is I have had time to build up fear of seeing Kathy and I'm not sure if things will ever be the same. I'm really scared to go today. I just have to remember that I have control as I can get up and walk out at anytime. I wished I would have done that when she went off on me.
Otherwise, I have been a good little girl, I have recorded every single meal and written long comments about my thoughts which were true. I wrote them just as if Dr. Michel would log on to see them. They were more for her eyes than for Kathy's. She had better not say anything smart to me about being good and keeping my records that is snotty as I will let her have it. The thing that really upsets me is that I need Kathy and her experience. The other dietitians don't have her experience and they work under her so I bet they are learning from her. If today goes bad I plan on telling Dr. Michel that Kathy has a problem with me and since I don't have a dietitian I guess our time is over with also because I've lost 1/3 of my team. It would be interesting what Dr. Michel would say if this were to happen. But this morning I keep telling myself that Kathy has had over a week to cool down and hopefully she will be back to herself and we can get back to business and nothing else will be said about that day. If she is any kind of professional I would think that she would be kind and back to business. I know for now on I will be all about business. I won't have much to say except respond to her questions. It will take me a bit to get over this, to be able to trust her again.
Anyway, Mark and I went on that Saturday and he bought me some Pandora charms for my bracelet and he also bought me their new bangle bracelet. He took me to lunch at our favorite Chinese place and then up to my favorite clothing store and bought me some clothes. I ended up being a good day. I can't remember if I told ya'll this or not but my birthday was June 12 and that is what the bracelet and clothes are for but I didn't tell you about my big gift. Mark traded my SUV in for a new one. I got a 2013 Outlander (Mitsubishi) with all the bells and whistles. It is Cosmic Blue with beige leather. It is so beautiful. It also has a V-6 engine and boy does it move. My 2012 only had a 4-cylinder. Boy, that man spoils me!
Last Thursday with Anna we only talked about what Kathy did to me. Anna doesn't totally agree with Dr. Michel but then I couldn't remember everything that Dr. Michel said to me so Anna was worried that they were not letting me feel my real feelings. I told her to talk to Dr. Michel about it when she gets back and I tried to assure her that our conversation wasn't that way. Hopefully she will talk to her when she gets back from vacation. I don't see Anna this week because of the fourth. After today I see Dr. Michel next Monday and the I guess we will all really get going. The cards are in Kathy's hands.
Yesterday we went clothes shopping again. While I hate to see what my real size is again I needed the clothes. It depressed me so much. Never did I ever expect to wear a 5X or 4X ever again. What ever happened? I just painfully remember getting into a size 22 and I could shop anywhere that had a Women's department. Now I'm back at the Fat People's store. I'm surely not saying that to be mean but it is just my inside feelings that I am sharing. I thought I had said "good-bye" to Catherine's but I'm back. It hurt to have to open that charge card again. But anyway I'm not going to have to wear ratty clothes. I did get some things that look o.k. Nothing looks great on a 400+ lb. body.
Tomorrow I will let you know what goes down today. And ya'll are all caught up now on all the big stuff. Thanks for hanging with me. All of you who take the time to follow me are treasured friends!!!
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