Thank God that I am starting to feel like a human again! At least I'm feeling like trying to find my way again. Rolling a lot of things around in my head. I actually went on the Weight Watcher site and contemplated about going back. Picking a new leader and starting anew. That didn't last too long. I'm not in the mood of spending $42.95 a month. I then researched doing it on-line and I just can't get the excitement of going back. I really think that for now I need to set a calorie limit of 1500 calories and just counting it on my own. I know that it is going to require planning and that is where I need to come around. I use to love sitting and planning each meal and snack for the week and that is what I did when I was the most successful on the program then Mike did a whole meeting on planning and really talked it down. He told the class that he couldn't plan that he had to do the program on the run and just had to make it work. I remember him describing what he did and it sounded like it would be pretty easy so I decided to give it a try. I never ever went back to planning all my meals and snacks. I did for a long time plan my dinners. I learned to leave around 14 points for dinner time. I remember the large meals that we ate. Now after doing what JD has wanted me to do I can see just how much we overate. I really think things that Mike taught me did not work for me. I hung on to every word he said and I wished like hell that I never ever, ever ask him to privately coach me. That was my demise. I am sure.
I got too emotionally involved with Mike. I hung on to everything he told me and everything he told me to do. I see that now. I was a balloon over-filled and ready to bust when I quit WW several months ago. Everyone was right. He controlled me more than he helped me. Anna was right when she said that he was a pedophile that loved to control women. I should have seen it with what he did with my friend Renee who gained all her weight back. All 267 lbs! Even after having skin removal surgery. She told me that he prayed on low self-esteemed women and would control them. Anna even has a patient right now who Mike is calling everyday and she is loving all the attention. Sick! I say sick! Since I have quit, he is calling less and less and I'm loving it more and more and I guess it is time for Laura to figure out Laura's plan. I really think Anna is right that I need to write out my own plan because I do know a lot about losing weight. I need to find what works for me.
I know one thing, whatever I do I want it to be the last time that I lost this first 100 lbs. Four times at this is enough. It is time to make it permanent. I have got to find a lifestyle that works for me. Maybe that is why I just want to count calories and eat as healthy as I can. I do like the idea of no carbs in the evening. I also like the idea of a free meal once a week where I can go and enjoy something I really like and not worry about it.
I charged up my new BodyBugg last night and this morning I plan on getting it set up. It will work with my cell phone. I also want to check out "My Fitness Pal" as I have heard a lot of good things about it as far as tracking goes. I ran into a person at Costco one day who had the this new BodyBugg and she told me that she was using a trainer at 24 Hour Fitness but she was tracking her food through My Fitness Pal and subtracting the calories from what her BodyBugg said to get her deficit. She said that she loved it more than using the BodyBugg program. She told me that their data base was bigger. I think that I am going to check it out.
I am planning to return to the gym today and face JD. I'm not looking forward to it. I still in my sick head don't want to move but I know deep down inside that I need to. I'm still rolling around in my head to change trainers. He told me last week that he was going to have Karina call me but that hasn't happened yet. I think that today I will call the gym and get the gym manager to set up a meeting between us when JD is not in the gym. I'd like to talk to this girl since she has lost a lot of weight and that is what drove her to become a personal trainer. I need someone who can relate to what I'm going through. This is hard!
More later!
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