I'm still reeling but I know that I must go on! Dang this is just smarts! I would covet your prayers as I find my way through this mess with my parents!
Now on with the story...
The day after seeing Anna I was doing a lot of thinking about my upcoming appointment with Kathy. It brought back memories of working with my Optifast Dietican Dr. JoAnn Lichten. I loved working with her. She taught me a lot. Anyway, I went out to her website and I found all kinds of little videos that she has done from TV segments and starting watching them. They were great. She talked about eating at different fast-food restaurants and what to eat. There were other videos about other things. I spent the afternoon watching away and by the evening I decided that I would call her and let her know what was going on in my life. We have always kept in touch over the years. I love her to pieces! Every time she writes a book she sends me a autographed copy. I was seeing her when she wrote her first book Dining Lean and she has since updated it many times. JoAnn is no longer seeing clients but she travels all over the country giving talks and she is writing a new book right now called Re-boot! I know that it will be great!
I called but I was expecting to get her answering machine because I knew that the number I had was her business. She shocked me by answering the phone. She saw my name and grabbed it. How lucky was that? Anyway she asked what I was up to and I brought her up to speed about me quitting Weight Watchers, wanting to learn how to eat clean, eating My Fit Foods and that I was headed back to seeing a private dietician. I told her about Kathy. She didn't know Kathy but I told her that Kathy knew about her. She chuckled.
JoAnn, proceeded to tell me that diets don't work and I told her that was the same thing that Kathy stood for. I told her that she was a specialist in eating disorders and then JoAnn shocked me by saying "I didn't know you have an eating disorder. Why didn't you ever tell me?" I reminded her of where I was when I last saw her and that I was in the "I don't know why I'm so fat because I don't eat very much." denial mode. She was so disappointed that I couldn't tell her. She goes on to tell me that she too has a eating disorder and she could have helped me. OMG! I about died to think that back in 1989 if I could have admitted that I was binging that she could have helped me.
JoAnn told me that she remembered that I had problems with my mom growing up. I confirmed that and she asked me if she had ever told me her story. I told her no. She told me a similar story to my own that involved her Father. She told me that when she was old enough to leave home she got as far away from him as she could. They too have had problems in their relationship as adults. She told me that recently she had to set a pretty tough boundary with her parents She told me that they were no longer welome into her home. She told me that she would see them and visit with them but that they could no longer stay at her house. She shared with me that they were fixing to come for a visit and she was hoping that they would remember their conversation otherwise she was prepared to tell them again. She told me self protection and boundaries were important!
She went on to tell me that eating disorders derive from things missing in one's life. That is why people turn to food because they are trying to fill that need. She said for her it was the lack of positive connection from her Father. She asked me if we had ever talked about affirmations and told her that I didn't remember. She told me that she had to make a list of things that she wished that her Dad could have said to her. Things like, she's beautiful, she's smart, she is talented, she is witty and the list went on. She told me that she had to write it all out and learn it. She said that when her desire was to go eat when she was down and feeling bad she would go and take a walk and repeat her affirmations. She also offered me the tid bit that if the weather was bad that the shower worked well also because you can't eat food in a shower. That blew me away. I had never heard of such a thing! I told JoAnn that she should have been a psychologist and she laughed at me. She said that it ended her binge eating She told me that diets don't work with people who have eating disorders because taking away things and making them "not good" will cause someone to eat "bad" when the sad, stressful times come. It all made so much sense to me. I was blown away. We talked a few minutes about other stuff and we hung up. She also told me clean eating is a diet because of all the rules. She said that chemicals were not going to kill me. Interesting that she called it a diet but I can kinda see that. The jury is out in the chemical part though.
I couldn't quit thinking about JoAnn's affirmation list. It just made so much sense to me. Thoughts started pour through my brain of things that I wished I could have heard from my parents but I never did. I told myself that this is something that I need to tell Anna about and it was something that I wanted to explore. I really think that this could be part of the missing link for me.
I went through the weekend and the following week thinking about the things that JoAnn told me. I didn't keep my food log like Kathy asked me to. I emailed her and told her that I hadn't and she wrote me back and said that it was o.k. I was excited about seeing her and seeing what she was going to have to say to me.
Stay tuned....
No comments:
Post a Comment