I haven't said anything about this, just kinda keeping it to myself and working on it. Between Anna and Kathy (mostly Kathy) I knew that I really needed to give up the games that I play nearly 24 hours a day on Facebook. Since gaining all this weight and not getting around like I use to I started playing Hidden Chronicles when it first came out. I made over 200 friends over the last 2 years playing that game. Some have become really close friends. I just couldn't bare losing my friends. At least I thought I would. Night before last I finally realized with all that is fixing to happen with my treatment it was time that I said goodbye. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. You have to realize that this had become my lifeline ever since Karen moved to Norway and my life started being at home 7 days a week except for Dr. appointments.
Here is what I posted:
To All my Gaming friends. I have come to the decision that I am going to have to give up all games on Facebook. The thing that you all don't know about me is that I'm in treatment for a Eating Disorder and I'm in a battle to save my life. I'm in extensive treatment seeing a treatment team 5 times a week. I have to do this. I need to devote all my time and energy to my recovery. I hope you all understand. Each of you have been so dear to me helping achieve my goals in Hidden Chronicles. Just know that this decision has not been a easy one for me but one that has been thought about and worked on with my treatment team. I just can't sit with a computer in my lap all day anymore. I have to start doing things to work at saving my life because right now my weight is critical. I will be unfriending you all and deleting Hidden Chronicles and Candy Crush Saga so that you no longer see me on your drop down list when making your requests. Maybe someday I will be back. Who knows. If you want to stay in touch you can email me. My address is in my About Me page. Thanks again. You all have wonderful and I will always treasure the fun times we have had helping each other. I wish you all only the best.
I was shocked at the out pouring of love. After sleeping for a little while I spent most of the day crying at things posted and personal messages that were sent to me. Here are a couple of examples that really touched me. Let me say this...these were from people that I never communicated with, didn't know, we only helped each other with requests needed to play the game.
We were not friends Laura,but
i wish you all the luck in the world to conquer this,take care & i
pray the treatment works for you. In there when you are well,i hope you
decide to come back to your friends & add me too. Until that day
comes around remember to look after yourself.May God Bless you &
keep you safe & well. Love to you xx<3
I had to write her. I was so touched that she would post that and we were not even friends. This came out of a group that I belonged to that gave tips to the game and just some of the group were my friends. Here is what I wrote back and her response.
Thank you so much for your sweet words. They mean so
much to me. This is a battle and they have told me this will be the
hardest thing i have ever done in my life. I feel it but I'm ready to
do what ever it takes. I have had this eating disorder for nearly 50
years. It has robbed me of too much life. I want to enjoy what I have
left. I wish you the best and again thank you so much for your sweet
and kind words.
Thank you so much Laura for taking the time to write
to me,your life is the most valuable asset you will ever own. I hate to
lose you as a friend,forget the games but please keep some of your
friends for support at times when you may just need someone to chat to. I
wish you all the luck in the World,& i wish i could be near you to
hold you & tell you all will be ok but things do not work like that
in life. If you decide to keep a few of your friends from f/b will you
please consider me as 1 of them. I hate to think of you fighting
this,you remind me so much of 1 of my Daughters. If you do not wish to
carry on with anything on f/b.....I admire you & pray to God above
to give you the strength you will need to overcome your fight for life.
May God Bless you & his Angels comfort you xxx ps i am always here for you if you need me sweet lady xxxxx
Is that the sweetest thing? We ended up becoming friends on FB.
Here is one more that really touched me:
Laura
you have to do what is best for you, By putting this out there shows me
that you want to get better and you are a strong person and you are
going to do whatever needs to get done to make that happen, Kudo,s to you
because people do judge and it was probably not an easy thing for you
to let us all know about this, You go girl and just know we are all here
to support and help you any way we can,If I can help you in any way
please do not hesitate to message me,I have seen and been there to watch
women and men go through this and it is not an easy thing ,but you
sound like you are very positive and strong person and you are going to
beat this thing, I wish nothing but the best for you and please keep us
updated on how you are doing,god bless you and a big hug coming your
way,
There were many others like these, it was almost overwhelming. Even from the post that I also put on my regular Facebook page were the outpouring from my own friends of support. I really have been hush hush about this. Only those of you who read my blog know what is going on. Of course my family and closest friends. Needless to say I was shocked by the outpouring of love I received.
Today Anna and Kathy will be jumping up and down over this. Monday Dr. Michel will. I feel better with it all being behind me. I am ready to start doing the things that I need to do to recover. It may not be weighing and measuring food and recording each an every exact amount but it will be taking a good long look at these emotions that drive me to eat and journaling about them. It will be reading my books and working all the exercises. It will be doing more things around the house and letting go of excuses that keep me out of the kitchen. But I am ready to go for it.
A few weeks ago I was so fortunate to come across a really cool resource. One that I really wanted to join and get plugged into. You all know that Kathy has me reading "Life Without ED" by Jenni Schaefer. I became friends with her on Facebook. Well one day she posted about this on-line mentoring group called MentorCONNECT. I immediately went to their website and I was so excited to see that finally I was going to be able to connect with people that shared the same problem that I have. I wanted to joined and get a Mentor and I wanted to join their Community Forum so that I could stop feeling so alone. I knew that I should clear this with Dr. Michel so I waited. But while I was exploring the site I ran across a section that contained Podcasts that you could listen to for free. They had some by Jenni Schaefer and some by her psychologist Thom Rutledge who co-authored Life Without ED. I was on cloud nine. I knew that I was safe listening to the two of them since my team thinks so highly of them. I did listen to a couple of them and I as really moved by them. That Monday I asked Dr. Michel about MentorCONNECT and she knew of them and told me the person who started it was someone she knows. She just happens to be here in Houston! Dr. Michel told me to hold off for now in joining but she didn't mind me listening to the podcasts just let her know which ones I'm listening to so that she could listen also and we could discuss them. Fair enough. She did tell me at some point in time she will let me join. She wants to check with the person who started it what is their criteria for someone to become a Mentor. I can understand that and I appreciate Dr. Michel being careful in what I do as I start my recovery. Here is one that I listen to that I can't get enough of. You may like to hear it to. Here is the link:
Hardest Part of Recovery With Thom Rutledge
I hope you will take the time to listen. It is a really good talk. I'm sure all of them on the webite are excellent as well and here is how you find them:
MentorCONNECT Teleconferences Podcasts
Tomorrow I will share about my sessions today with Anna and Kathy! Stay tuned.
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