I'm so ready to get this all started. I truly believe that I have my head in the right place. Will it stay there? I sure hope so! I think that I have found a key to this and that is looking at just a few hours at a time. What do I have to do during the next two hours? I make a list in my head and I go to work at that list knowing that I have two hour to get it done. I also have found standing in the mirror and making myself look myself in the eye and talk positively to myself. Things like "This will be a successful day, I can do this, I want health, I want life, I can do anything for two hours today." If the need arise when that negative talk comes back to haunt me I plan on stopping what I'm doing and going and making myself look at this grossly overweight body and go through the routine again.
When I got up this morning I did the deed and got on the scale and faced the music. I didn't let it bring me down, instead I told myself, this is absolutely the last time you will have to face this number. I mean it. I have struggled with these high numbers for almost 20 years and the games are over. I must figure out how to get this done. I'm starting with self positive-talk every single day just like I said above. I've decided that parts of the mind are very evil and I am just going to fight with all my might to kill all those negative self-destructing demons that have set up house inside of me. Boy I know that this is going to be a battle but I'm ready for it. I've got my support team in place.
First my husband as he wants so much for me to live and be healthy and happy. I have a personal trainer who believes that I can do this and I will do this. I have a few readers right now who love and support me and I'm hoping if you have found my blog that you will also be a active part of my team. I also have the best therapist in the country (at least that is my humble opinion) who is working so hard getting the demons out of my life who keep trying to have a hold on me. She also has the monumental job of teaching me how to love myself once again and to rebuild all the self confidence that I have lost over the years. She truly is the best!
As I start this journey I am very limited as to what all I can do physically. I have arthritis in both of my ankles and feet from being super obese for all these years. Let's face it at 391 lbs you don't want to do much of anything because it doesn't take you long to huff and puff. But...I am going to push myself. I am not going to give into the demons. Just like this morning I did my Wii for 35 minutes, I've made me breakfast, started a load of laundry and worked on my blog, call the maid service to schedule them to come in and help me get my house going and now it is time for me to decide what I'm going to accomplish for the next two hours. I'm sure it will be little things that I can pick up and do without spending a lot of time on my feet. I'm planning to do another 30 or more minutes on my Wii this afternoon because that is what my trainer wants me to do and tonight I am going to cook dinner which I haven't done in months. I know what I have to do right now is stop typing this because it is time for my snack...an apple and some peanut butter with a bottle of water! YUM!
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