The Sharing Of My Heart...

I decided that tonight I would not write about all that happened today.  It can wait till tomorrow.  Tonight I felt the need to share my heart after all that I have gone through.

Please, please, please do not ignore your weight problem.  I realize that there are many that don't have the excess weight that I do but no matter what, excess weight is bad!  BAD!

What it does your body as far as joints, the wear and tear on your internal organs.  What the Dr.'s are saying and have been saying is to get rid of it!  Please heed the call!!!

I don't want anyone to have to hear or go through what I have had to experience these last few months.  Do I feel different?  No.  I still in my mind feel like I still have time even though my Pulmonary Dr. and Cardiologist say that I have some but I don't have forever.

I'm not ready to die!  I'm sure you are not either and I fully realize that we are not guaranteed each day.  The good Lord can call us home at anytime in the way He chooses.  But do you want to really go because of the abuse that you have allowed food do to your body?  Food is not worth it!  Food does not fix things.  Food doesn't make things go away or situations get better.  Things will work out however God plans for them to.  Food will not fix it.  The destruction that we do by binge eating/overeating is really crazy.  Why are we doing it?  Why?  We just have to stop.  When those strong emotions come or anxiety set in figure out some questions that you can stop and ask yourself before you just run for the cookies and/or chips.  Some of my questions are simply.  Why am I wanting to do this?  Is this really smart?  Is it going to fix this situation?  How is this going to make me feel?  How am I going to feel an hour after I indulge?  How am I going to feel later in the day or evening and how am I going to feel the next day?  What else can I do to get rid of these feelings that I am dealing with?  Take a walk, write down the strong feelings of anger or anxiety and really look at them.  Clean out a drawer?  I know we all have them!  I'm just telling you doing this is what has stopped my binging!  It does not work and it doesn't change the outcome.  The outcome is going to be what it is going to be.

Processed foods are killing us and killing our kids.  They are evil, yet I do understand they are convenient but they are killing us!  If you are old enough to remember the stores of the 50's, 60's and 70's they were smaller and they were not filled with these types of foods.  We didn't have 50 or more types of canned tomatoes, tomato sauce etc.  We had only 2 or 3 and that was it.  Think about pasta?  Cookies?  I know that I don't need to preach and I don't want to.  I just want you to think about how much you give your life to food and to make you see that it is not worth it!

Am I perfect and have I arrived?  NO!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!  But I am getting better because I choose to stop just a few minutes and think before I react.  It is the best thing that you can ever do!  It is essential to win this battle.  I tell myself ever day, every meal "Food is fuel!"  It is nothing else and should be nothing else.  We need it to fuel our body's and nothing else.  What in the word have we come to and what in the world are we doing allowing the government and food industry do to us for the almighty dollar.  It is sick!

There is a new documentary out that I want to go see.  I want to encourage you to check it out.  The trailer to the movie really stopped me in my tracks and made this picture so much bigger.  The movie is entitled "Fed-Up"  We have over 6,000 items in our stores that have sugar in them.  We are killing ourselves.  Isn't it time to change gears?

I just don't want any one of my friends and I consider all who reads this a friend to have a Dr. come into a hospital room and tell them "You are going to die" and "I'm not sure that I can help you."  It was mean of that Dr. but deep down I know there was truth in it.  Our bodies are no designed to be big and overweight.  I'm sick of my feet, knees and back hurting.  I'm sick of not being able to get around.  I just hope and pray with every ounce of my being that I will have time to win this time.  I want it.  Only God knows if I will or not.  I hope He allows it as I will give him all the glory if He will spare my life once again.

I love each of you and I just beg and plead with you to think over these things.  Do some soul searching.  Look at the excuses you make.  How much do you love yourself and your families.  Don't they deserve the best of you that you can give?  Don't your kids deserve to be taught how to eat so that they will not have to share our battle.

Enough said.  Back to business!

Good post coming tomorrow!  I loved this new weight management Dr.  She is a Internist that is Board Certified in Weight Management  Boy she knows her stuff.

I have another sad announcement.  I'm crushed.

Let's Wrap This Up and Move on!

Obviously there has been a lot of time that has lapsed since all of this has happened.  My emotions have been all over the place and most days I am scared to death and worry if I can do it and if I have time to get this weight off once and for all.

After Stacey went home I struggled with A. Fib. every 3-4 days.  It was awful.  I hated the way it made me feel.  This went on for about a month when one day I was taking to a old high school friend who suffers with A. Fib. and we were talking about the flavored waters that she drinks.  I told her that all I drink is Coke Zero.  She flipped.  She told me that they were high in caffeine and sure enough I went and checked on the can and they had 35 grams of caffeine in each can!  I drink as many as 4-5 a day!  I thought Coke Zero meant sugar-free and caffeine free!  DUMB!  I got on-line and found that Coke made a Caffeine free version so I had Mark pick some up and you know what?  The A. Fib stopped!  I have not had any more A. Fib since I stopped drinking regular Coke Zero!

I had some problems with the Cardiologist and I thought that I was going to have to find a new one!  His office cancelled an appointment which left me without meds.  Come to find out they don't get the Dr.'s notes from the hospital stays until all the physicians attending the patient have dictated have done theirs.  Because of this the drugs that he prescribed in the hospital the office knew nothing about except we talked about them on several occasions.  Go figure!  They even had me come and pick up samples to blood thinners and never documented my chart!  On my last visit to see the cardiologist I tried to tell him all that I had been through I felt like he blew me off.  I was so upset that I called his office to see if he had a office manager to voice my concerns.  They didn't have one but the girl I talked to listened to me and I told her that I was thinking of finding someone else but that the hospital was close to my home and I didn't want to get one across town.  Not for my heart.  She was appauled that I had gone through so much and apparently she could see that my chart was not properly documented and she told me that she would personally talk to the Dr. and that I could expect better from the office.  Boy the next time I had to call the Dr., which happened to be last week, the nurse told me that she would talk to the Dr. and call me back.  I felt like I was having some bad side affects to the meds.  I couldn't tell if it was Crohn's or the meds  The Dr. called me back in less that 15 minutes to talk to me about it.  I feel a lot better about things now.

However, right now I'm not on any A. Fib. meds except for the blood thinners.  I'm having strange heart beats at time but hopefully we will be able to try some new meds in the next couple of days.  I've been off the meds since last Thursday and so far no A. Fib just a jumpy heart at times and my heart rate is in the 80's instead of the 70's which I don't like.

My last visit with the Pulmonary Dr. he took me off the oxygen during the day and stopped the breathing treatments but I now have an inhaler to use 4 times a day.  I still need oxygen at night and they have switched me from a C-Pap to a Bi-Pap and I hate it.  I'm not sleeping as well as I was and I called yesterday to tell them.  Hopefully today they will let me go back to the C-Pap machine.  I sure hope so!

While I was having the A. Fib issues I lost a total of 35 lbs.  Mindful eating does work.  The issue?  You have to do it!  I'm struggling and that is very scary to me.  I'm up about 8 lbs and I've got to get this going the other way.  I will.  I have to.

I have a post that I want to write to you but I will have to save it for another day.  Right now I need to go and get ready to go see my new Weight Management Internist that my Rheumatologist wants me to see.  We'll see how that goes.  I will write about that tonight and let you all know what this is going to be like.  I sincerely hope that she can help me.

I'm ready to get back to sharing my days and this recover/saving my life journey.  Never ever did I think that I would push this weight to this point.  Do or die!  Scary!

Wednesday!

I feel like I'm never going to get this done!

The Wednesday morning after getting out of the hospital, I woke up not feeling the greatest.  Stacey finally got up and she fixed us some breakfast and then it happened.  My heart started beating really funny so I checked the famous phone app and sure enough it was bouncing all over the place but was staying above 120.  I thought to myself, Oh no, here we go again!!!!!  

I called my cardiologist and told them what was going on and they calmly made me an appointment for 2:30 that afternoon.  Stacey and I knew that we were going to be home again and luckily she was o.k. with that.  I did get her to run to Walgreens and buy me one of those oxygen level/heart rate monitors that you can put on the end of your index finger like they use at the Dr.'s office.  It was good to see that the phone app was giving us numbers very close to the one she bought.  We just hung out and watched things and I felt tired and had no energy.  We just watched TV until it was time to go to the Dr.  Mark was meeting us there to find out what was going on.

Of course once I got there I had all the paperwork to fill out and finally the nurse called us to go back to a room to wait on the Dr.  They weighed me and I was down 17 lbs since I got out of the hospital.  I was barely eating  I was scared to!  I couldn't get the semi and Volkswagen out of my mind and the words "You are going to die"!

Once in the room the nurse went over my meds and then she did a EKG and laid it on the table for the Dr.  He came in the room and he started going over my hospital stay and the results of my Nuclear Stress test.  He wrote out a prescription and and handed it to me and at the same time started listening to my heart.  That didn't last long.  He took the prescription out of my hand and wadded it up and threw it away saying that he needed to get a EKG on me.  We all told me that the nurse had done it and laid it on the table in the room.  His laptop was sitting on top of it.  He then started taking a mile a minute telling me that I was in Atrial Fibrillation and how we could go about treating it.  He told me he could prescribe some meds and I could go home and I might be o.k.  He started explaining to me what A. Fib. was and that when the heart decided to return to a normal rhythm that I run the risk of throwing a clot in the heart, to the brain or to the lung.  He said the alternative was for me to go back to the hospital and be closely monitored and treated there.  I asked him what did he want for me to do and he told me that I won't want to hear it but he felt like I should go straight to Emergency, so I said that I would and while we checked out they gave me orders for the ER.  His office is attached to the hospital so this all happened really quick and there I was again being hooked up to a heart monitor, IV and chest x-rays.  While I was in the ER waiting for a room my heart went back to beating normally.  I guess I was very lucky because I had been taking Lovonox injections for years for blood clots in y legs and was on a maintenance dosage.

Mark went back to the office for about an hour and then went home to feed the cats.  Stacey stayed with me.  I was down in the ER till about 8:00 before they got a room ready for me.  I had no dinner and luckily Mark was going to Chick-Fil-A to get him and Stacey something for dinner so Stacey was able to catch him to bring me something as well.  It was kinda funny because Mark got to my room before we did but we all hit it within minutes of each other.  Mark had also brought me my C-Pap machine.  They stayed a while and helped me get setup for the night and there I was all over again.  I didn't know what to expect next!

Thursday morning my cardiologist came by and wanted me to get a hold of my Gastroenterologist to see if he would release me to take the new blood thinner Xarelto.  Well, I already had set up an appointment to see him the first of May to talk to him about gastric surgery and my Crohn's disease.  I thought it would be easy to get this taken care of.  My Cardiologist told me once I got his permission to take it to call his office and they would get me released to go home.  

Well, getting this done was not easy.  I found out that my Gastroenterologist had classified me as a new patient because he hadn't seen me in a while.  I had seen another Dr. in the practice back when I was in and out of the hospital with cellulitis and subsequent Crohn's flare-ups.  He had left the practice over a year ago so I had to start all over.  I was pissed.  I called the Cardiologist office and told them what was going on and Stacey and I just waited and waited and waited.  Dr. Mazur finally came by around 6:00 to give me two new prescriptions and told me to stop the Lovonox and take a 350 mg aspirin once a day.  He left and Mark arrived and we got everything packed up and I got my release from the hospital the second time.  Mark went ahead to feed the cats and Stacey and I went to get my new drugs and meet hims at home.  It took a couple of trip to different Walgreen's to find someone who had the drugs in stock.  We finally got home around 8:30 that night.  We managed some dinner and we all were tired.  

Stacey's grandfather on her mother's side of the family hadn't been doing well so her plans were to go and see him close to Austin for the day.  She didn't really want to go and leave me but I told her I would be fine and we could talk my phone on the way.  She went and she was glad that she did.  We made plans to have a good time just the 3 of us on Saturday before she had to drive back to Topeka.  I can't even put into words how much it meant to have her with me that week.  We really got close!  After years of being so torn apart it was just incredible to have all the time we had.  Healing in all kinds of ways.

Saturday, we had breakfast and then we did a little shopping to get me out moving and trust me as weak as I am not moving much over the last couple of years it was hard!!!!  I walked from the front of a Stein-mart store to the back looking at sunglasses for Stacey and shoes for me.  I did not think I was going to make it out of the store back to the car  They went and got me something cold to drink and then we hit Marshall's.  We looked for shoes and sunglasses again and we almost found me some shoes and we did score Stacey's new white sunglasses!  She had been looking forever for them!

We went home to freshen up and then we headed across town because we had made reservations at The Melting Pot for dinner.  We had so much fun cooking all the different fondues and just experiencing such a place together.  My heart started skipping around again but it calmed down.  We got home and sat up and talked for a while and then we hit the hay because Stacey had to get up and leave early the next morning.  I nearly cried myself to sleep because I didn't want her to go back home.

There's more...

The Saga Continues...

About as fast as we got home from the hospital the oxygen company was at the house to get things all set up for us.  They were here for a long time teaching and explaining things.  My Mom and my niece Meredith were in the kitchen trying to thaw some spaghetti that the Chef had made for me to have on hand in case I had company show up for dinner.  We all finally got to eat and Mark got my C-Pap machine set up and we visited for a bit and Meredith left and we all went to bed.  I slept so good being at home in my bed and the C-Pap helped me sleep like a baby.  I only woke up once to use the bathroom but I slept till 8:00 the next morning.

Mom and Dad were ready to go home but I asked them to stay to help Mark lower our bed as I had the dickens trying to get in it.  I had been sleeping sitting up in the media room for months.  We had put out bed up on risers many years ago and I needed the bed to be easier to get into.  The agreed to stay and I had follow up visits to schedule with the Dr.'s and to try and get my sleep study scheduled.  I got the sleep scheduled really quick as they were able to put me on the schedule for Saturday night.  Mom, Dad and I had also decided to drive out to Trader Joe's as my Dad loves their cheap wine and I wanted to get some things that Kathy had suggested for lunch.  I had also had a phone session with her because I wanted to get this weight coming off again.  I was still scared to death that I was going to die and it could happen at any moment.  While I was getting ready I got really sick to my stomach and we didn't go.  I needed to stay close to home.  Mark came home to get the tubing to my C-Pap to exchange out for one that was longer.  It was just too short.  We just hung out at the house and I called the Sleep Center and they cancelled my sleep study.  They said that it was important that I was feeling really good to get a good test.  That night Dad and Mark fixed the bed and everything was good to go.

Mom and Dad left the next morning and our daughter Stacey called and wanted to come home.  She had been upset with all that had been going on with me and she just wanted to be here and have some family time.  She told us that she was going to drive home on Monday.  I was so touched by her coming but worried if she was going to be bored to death because I was still having such a hard time getting around.  

Also on Saturday I started my breathing treatments and I did one in the morning and then again that night and I had another one on Sunday morning.  Sunday afternoon I felt funny in my chest and I checked my heart rate with the dear old phone app and sure enough it was beating in the low 100's.  We called the cardiologist and told him what was going on and about the breathing treatments and he instructed me to stop the breathing treatments as that was causing my heart to race.  He told me that he would talk to the lung Dr. and they would figure out what I could use as a breathing treatment.  My heart did eventually calm back down.

Stacey got away late on Monday so she didn't get in till much later than we all expected but it all worked out because Mark had an appointment with H&R Block to get our taxes done.  We sat up for a bit once Stacey got in and then we all hit the hay.

Tuesday, Stacey and I just hung out around the house and talked about things that we wanted to do while she was here.  We made plans to do a little shopping the next day and possibly going to the show while she was here.  It sure was better than sitting around the house staring at the 4 walls and watching TV.  We were happy doing that for one day.

I forgot to tell you that on Monday I had a meeting with Dr. Michel.  I got dressed, made sure that I had a full tank of oxygen to haul with me.  Got it in the car, got myself in the car, got on the oxygen, drove to the Woodlands, got it all out of the car and up to her office.  The meeting wasn't a good one!

It seemed that all of a sudden they were concerned about my weight.  What?  Duh?  You have sat there over the last 15 months and watch me put on 50 lbs and you want to get concerned now?  Now after I spend nearly a week in the hospital where my weight seemed to be the biggest issue and cause of my problems?  I was mad as she talked to me about going to Nashville to check into a facility that would be equipped to handle all my medical situations.  All I could do was think that I was not going to be far from my cardiologist and my pulmonary Dr. after what all I had been through!  Nope it wasn't going to happened.  I just sat and listen as Dr. Michel gleefully told me all about the facility.  She wanted me to call and given them my insurance information and she would make sure that they could take care of all of my medical needs and challenges.  Once she got through I said to her "Dr. Michel, why are ya'll so concerned about my weight now and not 50 lbs ago.  I reminded that I started seeing Kathy when I was in the 380's.  At Christmas I was in the 430's!  I was hot!  You will not believe what she did!  She goes throwing up in my face every single little disagreement that I had with Kathy and reminded me that she had been trying to get me to go to a facility since January.  Well, I wasn't buying into her bull crap.  I was furious, yet I kept my cool.  

When I got all settled in my car with my oxygen and stuff and I was worn out dealing with that and was not real happy about the whole experience of lugging oxygen around.  I called Mark and told him what had happened.  He was just as furious as I was! He said to me "You are not going anywhere.  You are staying right here where ALL your Doctors are and THEY will be taking care of you!" He then told me that he thought Dr. Michel had lost her mind after what all I had gone through.  I had to agree.  It was then that I made the decision that I needed to take a break from seeing them.  I needed to concentrate on my health and getting this weight off.  I don't want to die, I'm not ready for it and I needed to do what I could do to start saving my own life.  I didn't want to burn bridges but I decided that I wasn't going back.  Before the next appointment came around I wrote Dr Michel and Kathy a email telling them that I was going to take a break for now and just work on things myself!  I'm sure they thought I was a nut case but I frankly don't give a crap!

Now back to Wednesday!

I'm starting a new post!

I know!...Here we go!...My new medical issues!

I apologize again, still dealing with these issues but grab a diet soda or cup of coffee and get ready for a long post.  I'm getting this finished today so we can move on with my new daily life and challenges.

This paragraph is going to be hard to write, it is extremely embarrassing to me but it needs to be shared so you will know just how far my life went down the tubes and how I ended up in the ER on March 28.  I don't know where exactly it started but sometime between November and December.  I just got to the point that all I did was get up, throw on a house dress, sometimes the same one for a week, didn't bathe unless I had to and washed my hair only once every 7 to 10 days.  I know that is gross but I just didn't feel like I had the energy to do it.  Now if I had my Remicade or Dr.'s appointment I would get it done but I was out of breath, exhausted, nearly in tears because I just didn't want to go.  I refused to believe it was depression because I would take my meds and yet then sometimes I didn't.  I felt lazy.  Inside I just wanted to scream because my life had become something that I never dreamed it would.  It was easy to stop seeing Anna.  I could barely walk from my car to her office.  With Kathy she had pissed me off so many times that I had to walk away.  By January I was having mostly phone sessions with Dr. Michelle and would only muster up the energy to go see her because I needed to pay her!  Mark never said anything to me even though I knew on many days I didn't smell very good.  My life was gross.  Pure GROSS!  My weight broke one of our media chairs and smelled another one up pretty good.  We are going to have to replace the furniture.  Thank God for understanding friends that accepted talking to me by phone and the Chef and my maids who knew how much I needed them.  Most days I couldn't keep my eyes open.  One day Mark tried calling me about 6-7 times and couldn't wake me up.  He took off from work to come home to check on me thinking that he was going to find me dead but luckily I was in a deep sleep.  When I woke up I didn't know what day it was, where was I and why Mark was so upset.  Knowing all that I know now I truly believe if he hadn't come home I would have died.

I was just falling asleep all the time and not even knowing it.  It was like I was OK and then out!  Scary as I look back at it all.  I have admit there were times I had to fight sleep driving. Dangerous!  So I had a pretty pathetic life going on until the early morning of March 28 when everything came to a head.

I woke up around 3:00 a.m. not feeling the greatest and I came in the media room and just sat trying to figure out what was wrong.  I had downloaded a App on my phone that would check your heart rate.  My Dad had told me about it and I had been messing around with it.  Another that that had been going on for about a month was I could feel my heart beating in my arms and I was feeling like I was having heart palpitations, because when I would recline out in the media chair and had my computer close to my chest the computer would actually move up and down.  Weird!  Anyway, I decided to see what the phone App would say about my heart.  I was shocked to see that m heart rate was at 133 bpm.  I thought something was wrong with the App so I downloaded others and they all said the same thing.  Some higher and some slightly lower.  I really couldn't feel that my heart was racing like that I just wasn't feel very good.  Mark got up at 5:00 to feed the cats and I told him what was going on and I told him that I wanted him to take the day off and stay at home with me.  He sat down and played with the Apps and they showed his heart rate being in the low 60's.  We were stumped.  Mark kept asking me what I wanted to do.  I didn't know what to do.  One one of the Apps it told me that I was in Tachycardia and when I looked it up on the Internet I freaked out.  With what my heart was doing I was at a high risk for a heart attack!!! (Note:  Now that it has been almost 2 months ago, I believe that was what the App had on it, my memory may be failing me but regardless what I read on the internet said that I could easily have a heart attack and that just freaked me out!)

Of course after Mark got through with his shower and was proceeding to get ready to go to work which was freaking me out more with what was going on with me.  I finally told him that I wanted to go to the Emergency Room but that I was going to have to shower and do my hair before we could go.  You heard me...I actually got into the shower with my heart at 133 beats per minute and took a shower and washed and dried my hair and packed a bag to go to the hospital!  DUMB!

When we got there we told the front desk that my heart rate was 133 bpm and they took me back and Mark stayed to give them our insurance information.  They did a EKG and had me sit in a chair and check my blood pressure while they got a wheel chair and they took me immediately to ICU.  Once there I was hooked up to all kinds of equipment and a IV line was started but no meds given.  The did make me take a aspirin and while I had been showering Mark made a list of all the drugs that I was taking.  It didn't take long before they whisked me down the hall for a CT Scan of my lungs and then a chest x-ray.  I was told that I had fluid in my lungs and a extremely high level of Co2.  Things then shifted from things being wrong with my heart to my lungs.  They started me on oxygen immediately.  We were down in ICU and they were watching me and calling in Specialists and eventually once they got me stabilized they admitted me and sent me up to my room.  Now this was on a Friday so it was slow getting to see my new Dr.'s.  I saw the lung specialists first and he told me that he felt that I had severe sleep apnea that wasn't being treated and I was lucky to be alive.  He order a C-Pap machine to wear if I wanted to sleep.  They started breathing treatments to start clearing my lungs.  Things slowly started getting better and my heart rate had started going down.

We were told in ICU that the Cardiologist would be up to see me that afternoon.  We waited and waited and he never showed up.  The staff kept treating me and checking on me.  This hospital was amazing.  it was like staying in a 5 Star hotel.  My room was huge with flat screen TV, big couch, chairs, huge bathroom and a entry way into the room which was full of cabinets and a computer for the nurses to work at.  They had someone come and I ordered what I wanted to eat from a menu in my room.  Of course they had me on a cardiac diet so there were some things they would not let me have.  The food was awesome. They also had a towel folded into a swan sitting on my bed when I arrived!

The Cardiologist finally showed up late Saturday afternoon.  Talk about being a little upset!  The Dr. came in and introduced himself and then he placed one of his hands on the armoire in my room and rubbed his chin with his other hand and says "Just what I thought...You are going to die...I don't think that there is anything that I can do for you.  What you need is a by-pass surgery but I'm not sure that will help you."  We were shocked.  He goes on to say that my body (a Semi) was being pulled by a Volkswagen (my heart) and it could only pull it so far.  He told me that based on the shape of my lungs they did he wasn't sure how much time I had!"  OMG!  We were both speechless.  I started telling him about my stomach band and how I lived with it for 13 years and all my diet history  I tried telling him about working with Eating Disorder Specialists and he interrupted me and said "So how has all this worked for you?"  I said "What?"  Well this shit-head of a Dr (pardon my french) goes on to say "Well, you may have done these things but where are you today?  It doesn't look like they have worked!"  I get to a point in these types of conversations that I just shut down.  Besides being scared out of mind for the last nearly 36 hours I just couldn't respond and Mark couldn't either.  He spews more of his venom our way by telling us that he had a patient like me who had gastric by-pass surgery and it didn't work for him.  He lost about 50 lbs and then he stopped losing weight and he died.  His wife asked him after his death what had happened and this Dr. says to her "What were you feeding him?"  Well come to find out he liked biscuits and gravy and she fixed him and he died.  All I could do is lay there with my mind screaming "I'm not that guy!!!!!".  Needless to say he told us that he would see if there were anything he could do and get back with us!  You read and heard this right.  This is what was said and what happened.  When that SOB left I just cried and cried and cried.  It scared Mark to death.  I couldn't talk.  I felt as if I was going to die in that hospital and I was never going to come home.  Mark begged me not to give up that he needed me.  He told me over and over that we would get this through it and he would help me.

The next day (Sunday) the good ol Dr. came by again and he hadn't found anything that he could do but he was still looking.  I swear this is what he said to us.  He then told us again about the Semi and the Volkswagen.  I swear I wanted to find a freaking Volkswagen and tie it around his freaking neck and drown him!  He didn't stay long and we were grateful but neither of us said anything to the nurses or anything.  We pretty much couldn't believe what was happening.  Frankly we didn't know what to do.

I kept having breathing treatments, blood work and things progressing with my lungs.  The pulmonary Dr.  wanted a sleep study and he told us that he really did thing that my lung problem was untreated asthma and severe sleep apnea.  He was pleased how my lungs were clearing up.

Well Monday morning my parents were on their way from Corpus.  I wanted them to come because I was scared and I felt like I was seriously ill.  I wanted answers as to why my heart was beating at 133 bpm!  The nurse came in to take my vitals and give me my meds.  The weird thing was most of my meds were stopped.  I wasn't sure why but I didn't question things since we were dealing with my lungs and heart.  I figured there were reasons why.  I knew I would be o.k.  As the nurse was finishing up with me the good old Dr. showed up.  The nurse had not left my room yet and he turned and asked to to leave the room and shut the door behind her.  She was busy typing things into the computer in my room and after a few seconds he raises his voice and says to her "I said to get out of the room and to shut the door!"  I was shocked and needless to say I was not real comfortable at this point.  She left and this creep does his Volkswagen story and proceeds to say this.  "I have not been able to find anything that I can do for you.  I guess we are going to have to hope the Pulmonary Dr. can pull a rabbit out of his hat."  You read that right!  That is what he said!  I don't know how I didn't not jump out of my bed and rip this guy limb by limb.  He left and I hit my call button for the nurse and she came rushing in and I was yelling and screaming that they had better not let the man in my room again.  I told the nurse to find me another cardiologist.  I apologized to her for his behavior and told her that I was shocked that she was treated like that but I was sick of him telling me my body was a Semi being pulled by a Volkswagen.  She consoled me and told me not to worry that they would not let him back in my room and they would find me another cardiologist.  She told me that they have problems with him all the time!  I was like...then why does he even have the rights to practice or work here!

The next thing I knew I had a Guest Relations Representative in my room apologizing for what happened and she told me that I had a new Cardiologist Dr. Mazur who would be in to see me.  I was relieved.  She asked me when I got home and felt better to please send her a email telling her all that happened with this Dr. as they did take these things very seriously and that the CEO would hear about it and their Board of Physicians who own the hospital would take action against this Dr.

My parents got to the hospital in the early afternoon.  Dr. Mazur came by and told me that he wanted to get a ultrasound of my heart and to do a nuclear stress test.  Well, finally a Dr. who knew how to be a Dr.  He also happened to be the Head of Cardiology for the hospital.  He assured me that I would be properly taken care of.  My parents couldn't believe what had happened that morning but were grateful that Dr. Mazur was taking over.  That afternoon they came and did a ultrasound of my heart and Tuesday morning I was scheduled for a nuclear stress test.  Boy was I scared to have that done!  I was scared to death that I would die from that test after the way my heart had been behaving.  Of course as my lungs cleared my heart returned to a normal heart rate.

Tuesday they came and got me for the stress test and I was taking to the nurse while she was starting a new IV and getting me ready for the test.  I was telling her all that the creepy Dr. had said and done.  Dr. Mazur overheard me tell her the part about he hoped the Pulmonary Dr. could pull a rabbit out of his hat.  He was sitting at the computer doing some things and he stopped what he was doing and he turned and asked me "Did he really say that to you?"  I told him that he said those exact words to me! Dr. Mazur just shook his head and went back to what he was doing.  The stress test was over so fast and all I felt was a pressure in my chest and that was it!  They told me that they would come back in a few hours to do a scan of the heart and then they would have to do a second scan the next morning.  That scan just about killed me having to lay still for so long holding my hands about my head!  But I made it.

Finally on Thursday Dr. Mazur and Dr. Vondala decided I was well enough to go home.  Dr. Mazur told me that I passed the stress test with flying colors.  He said my heart had been damaged by the years of obesity but it wasn't anything that could not be changed.  He confirmed that I didn't have congestive heart failure which was a huge fear for all of us.  Dr. Vondala's office ordered a sleep study, ordered oxygen equipment to be delivered to our home and brought us a loaner CPap Machine that we could use till I could have the sleep study done.  I left the hospital feeling better than I have felt in many years.  I had so much energy!

Well this is part one of the story.  It is long and I have to go and get ready for a hair appointment.  There is a part 2 to all of this and another trip to the hospital with further problems and another diagnosis.  I promise you that I will start writing this tonight and it will not take days or weeks to get it posted.  I'm so ready to share my new life and journey with you!

Still Working!

I had my Remicade today so right now I'm pecking with my eyes slamming closed.  Those pre-meds wipe me out!

Tomorrow I have a Dr.'s appointment in the morning, then I'm going to go and have lunch with Karen one more time before she heads to Norway.  Friday morning I have to take Ernie to the vet and in between time I hope I can get the post finished.  More stuff going on so I need to get caught up!

Me!

Happy Mother's Day!

This weekend has been busy!  Guys showed up yesterday to paint our house and our wrought iron fence.  We were suppose to get together with our neighbors and had to cancel.  Today I woke up with a text from my Dad that my cousin's daughter who has been in ICU for the last month has taken a turn for the worse.  What happened to her today is almost the same thing that happened to me so I'e been taken back a bit and I felt the need to spend some time in prayer for Amanda, my cousin and his wife.  We haven't heard anymore.  This is their only child!

Several keys are sticking and every so often the computer just shuts down so I have to save everything every few sentences since I'm having to pick at this instead of typing normally.  I'm taking this thing in tomorrow and I am going to hope my old laptop will work till I get this back or they tell me to throw it away.  I have a month left on my Geek Squad Black Tie Agreement so I need to try and fix this thing!

I am working on my post and I may just divide it again because it is taking so long to get it done.  I'm about halfway through!

It's coming!  Please hang in there with me!