I had an awful night last night coughing my head off and it was a dry deep cough at that. Something is not right. Do I want to go to the Dr.? Not yet. Mainly because I have had no fever, aches or pains just this head and chest congestion. I've taken the flu shot back in September and I have to take the pneumonia shot whenever it comes due. I've done that for years because of my suppressed immune system.
I actually woke up today when Mark was feed the cats and he made me a cup of coffee. I felt like it would break things up and get me going. The bad thing about this is I don't feel bad. I don't feel sick. It just sucks. As the morning wore on I knew that my voice would not last through a 50 minute session with Anna and then a hour session with Kathy. I called Anna and cancelled even though I did want to. I really needed to get in there to see her. Around 9:00 I called Kathy and left her a message and she called me back and agreed to a 30-minute phone session. I was happy about that. She was going to call me at 11:30 (the same time as my appointment).
I really even didn't feel like eating this morning but I made myself eat something. I had some hot tea and avoided talking to anyone because my voice is going. At 11:30 she called and we really had a good visit. We talked about several different situations that came up over the last two weeks looking at my food records. She could see that I was making changes and working on eating breakfast at home and she wants me to continue that. We talked about how in the years past while I was doing Weight Watchers of how I would plan out Christmas Eve and Christmas Day using all my Daily Points and Dividing up my Weekly Points and my Activity Points when I had them. I can remember having nearly 72 or 73 points each of those days. I can remember planning for 1 1/2 oz. of Tostitos, 1/2 of queso, salsa and any other dip that I had prepared. I can remember the feeling of "having to eat to get the points in because if I didn't that was bad!" This year I felt peaceful and I told Kathy that I know for a fact that I ate way less than I did in years past, but the greatest thing was not stressing over weighing and measuring everything to eat what I wanted and strangely I stopped when I was satisfied.
We talked about how things were going with Mark not asking me "if I needed something" every evening when he comes home or when he goes out to do an errand. We talked about the cookies and I asked her if she minded if I had a sweet each night and she told me no. She told me that she wanted me to continue to work on asking myself if I was eating out of habit, was I truly hungry and if I was truly hungry what could I eat to take care of me. I told her that her repeating these things to me all the time was really sinking into my head and I was stopping and asking myself these questions and it had stopped me from some mindless eating. I told her that I was starting to see that we needed to start eating our meals at the table and not kicked back in our media chairs with the TV on. I told her I was really starting to make the connection on how certain things by habit causes unnecessary eating.
I asked her if she thought I was in weight loss mode and she told me no, but she told me that I shouldn't be gaining which I don't feel like I am. I did tell her about the 26 lbs of fluid that I took off and she was surprised and we talked about how I was taking my diuretics and she thought that I had a good plan and she encouraged me to stay with it.
She asked me what I wanted my goal to be for the next week. I was stumped. She told me that she wanted me to continue to eat breakfast at home and to plan more. She told me that she wanted to see less of me grabbing because I was out and not being prepared or not making good decisions. I told her that I knew that we were still eating out too much and that I wanted to get that stopped. I told her that I wanted to cook dinner this week. She actually shocked me by asking me how many times did I want to commit to cooking. I wanted to say every night because that is what I want but I also know I'm not feeling the greatest so before I could answer she told me that she would like for me to cook 3 times this week. I told her that I would. That is a good start and we agreed that I would continue to work on all that we have discussed in my previous sessions.
I did tell her that over-eating and binging was confusing me. She told me that she could see in my thoughts on my journal that I was questioning if I was binging or not She told me the way to tell if I was binging or not was that with binging the outcome would be an emotional one like if I was making cookies and in my mind I said to myself that I was going to eat all of them because I deserved them and I followed through with it, then it was a binge, or if I was angry and ate to calm myself. She told me eating large portions was overeating and either way she wanted me to avoid those situations by asking myself the questions why am I eating, is this what I really want and is this what my body really needs. Boy I'm telling you it asking those questions is really helping me.
She told me that she had me down for next Thursday at my regular time and she would see me then. We ended our conversation. I think we had a good session and I feel energized to keep moving forward.
Mark came home for lunch to get the nebulizer out for me and I did get a treatment in. I am coughing up a little so that is a good thing. When I finish this I am going to do another treatment and try and get a good night sleep. I did call Larissa and we decided that we would wait and see how I was doing this weekend and hopefully I will be ready to get back to the gym on Monday.
Mark came home from work with a headache and his stomach was bothering him. I hope he isn't getting this. I did find out today that Shannon has it and my other niece Melanie has it. We all are furious at Michelle for letting her mother get around all of us being so sick. Shannon did tell me that Michelle is now sick. Well, boo-hoo! I know that isn't nice but please!
Tomorrow has to be better!
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